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9 years ago
General
i realized i have not posted much here in a long time.
Mostly due to a screwed-up summer of setbacks, family issues, work loads, etc. Today in particular was hell. literally hell. Between dealing with crap at the other job with the heat there, management issues, etc. then to family issues, then to overload pressure & worries of falling behind on fursuit work, then to having annoying dramatic people throwing their bullshit into my fan at random, and other things being on my mind for some time, topped with with the pain of extreme loneliness brought on by the loss of my dog Rudy & just before that being dumped by my ex mate Garth... i have really hit a low tonight. i don't know if i should just finish up my current works and walk away, or try to pick up the pieces & move on, or go about my life as it is and try to continue to make others as happy as i can regardless of the pain i get hit with from time to time.
- At least i had a wonderful time at Camp Feral this past weekend with friends i cherish, and if i can i will type a report soon, and post some photos & stuff here.
but right now tonight i am broken, frustrated, sad, lonely, and with a mind full of thoughts of not knowing where to turn or the direction i should go. Right now i feel that all future cons, events, meets, etc i need to put on hold until i decide a path, either i take a long break to clear my mind or make decisions of a new direction in life. I have been really thinking a lot lately of pulling up anchor and moving back to Newfoundland, and do not know if that is the right thing to do or not, as its a one way trip if i do. its days like these when i need a shoulder to lean on, someone to hug, someone to talk to, and always happens when there is nobody.
Mostly due to a screwed-up summer of setbacks, family issues, work loads, etc. Today in particular was hell. literally hell. Between dealing with crap at the other job with the heat there, management issues, etc. then to family issues, then to overload pressure & worries of falling behind on fursuit work, then to having annoying dramatic people throwing their bullshit into my fan at random, and other things being on my mind for some time, topped with with the pain of extreme loneliness brought on by the loss of my dog Rudy & just before that being dumped by my ex mate Garth... i have really hit a low tonight. i don't know if i should just finish up my current works and walk away, or try to pick up the pieces & move on, or go about my life as it is and try to continue to make others as happy as i can regardless of the pain i get hit with from time to time.
- At least i had a wonderful time at Camp Feral this past weekend with friends i cherish, and if i can i will type a report soon, and post some photos & stuff here.
but right now tonight i am broken, frustrated, sad, lonely, and with a mind full of thoughts of not knowing where to turn or the direction i should go. Right now i feel that all future cons, events, meets, etc i need to put on hold until i decide a path, either i take a long break to clear my mind or make decisions of a new direction in life. I have been really thinking a lot lately of pulling up anchor and moving back to Newfoundland, and do not know if that is the right thing to do or not, as its a one way trip if i do. its days like these when i need a shoulder to lean on, someone to hug, someone to talk to, and always happens when there is nobody.
Things always work out sweetie
I know I'm not who you want to talk to but if it means anything, I'm sincerely sorry for anything I did to make things worse for you and I hope you figure out what you need to do to be happy and things turn around for you soon.
I'd try give some advice, but I've not figured it out either. I'm mostly just trying to make others happy and distracting myself from feeling lonely and broken.
I too have faced loss and loneliness, dark depression and intense uncertainty. I can't offer any specific advice other than to consider stepping back for a short time to allow yourself time to breathe and center yourself. I hope that friends, colleagues, and even strangers in the fandom reach out to you, just as the fandom did for me, pulling me out of the darkness and surrounding me with an amazing and caring group of friends.
Take care, and I hope things will turn better for you soon. *Hugs* from an old wolf.
I really hope things will turn better for you soon*hugs*
Take all the time you need and know that I am here for you if ever feel like just talking/vent *hugs*
I highly doubt many would begrudge you time off from the studio. Even the best need a good break from what they love every now and then. Take a break, but don't walk away. We will still be here, ready for you to begin again. Find those that give you warmth and a steady rock to lean on, and let them give you their warmth and love. It may be a difficult road ahead, but I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised along the way.
Reason I'm not on fa much anymore. Hang in there man, your great guy, it's just this time of life, it's getting cruel.
*hugs*
For right now, be a little selfish and be your own best friend for a while until you can center yourself. If you are not happy, then how can you possibly do a good job at work, support your family, enjoy your friends or see certain people for what they are and what part they should/can play in your life.
You have made a lot of commitments, but too many commitments can stretch you out too tightly and make your Life more of an endurance test than something to experience and enjoy.
And as trite as it may seem, try and get as much sleep as you can BUT DON’T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE UP DURING THE NIGHT -- NIGHT THOUGHTS LIE.
I and many people around you truly care about you, Storm. Know that.
Big huggs and pony loves.
take care of urself
im here if ya ever wana talk
remember all of ur freinds that love you <3