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So, a status update. (srs bsns post)
9 years ago
やぁぁぁってやるぜ！
As one may have noticed, I've been fairly quiet on here for a month or two.
There were a few reasons for this.
First, my work load at my day job took a sudden upward spike due to summer vacation, and all sorts of kids needing cheap junkfood to fill them up. So we had a pretty good amount of business.
About the time when it slowed down, and I was thinking of getting back to work, life decided to take a big old dump on me.
My mom had been complaining about her feet swelling. Although I was a bit worried about it, I didn't push the issue too far, at least until a recent photo of her was posted on facebook and her family began asking me questions about her health.
I went ahead and kinda pushed and prodded her into seeing a doctor, thinking that, worst case scenario, it was a liver issue brought on by alcohol use over a long period of time or something.
It wasn't.
It was cancer.
Stage 4.
Starting in the lungs and metastasizing to her liver, and eventually potentially her brain.
That's a lot to fucking take in all at once. At the time of the diagnosis, she was quite weak and not all that cognizant of her surroundings; but thanks to an emergency boost to her nutrients and some medication, she was beginning to recover a bit. I felt some degree of hope that she'd be able to enjoy what time she had left.
But, you know, life has a great way of fucking with you and reminding you that for every up, there can be a down; and there were a series of serious downs over the course of the last few days.
After radiation therapy, she and her partner spoke with the oncologist, who told her she had lost too much weight for them to start chemo. Our goal, then, was to get her weight back up.
But her appetite was fading.
And then her consciousness, too; for the last four days, she was basically locked into her own mind, unable to recognize the world around her.
I had gotten out of the bath this afternoon only to get an urgent response from her partner. Something was going horribly wrong.
From there, it was a blur. EMTs came into our house to intubate and try and kickstart her. They took her to the ER. A doctor told us that the chances of recovery are grim, and urged us to consider taking out the tube they had just put in.
We had no choice. Seeing her like that made it clear that there was no chance for a comfortable life.
She passed away about 30 minutes later, before they could even situate her in a more comfortable room.
What was supposed to be a chance to settle accounts and possibly fulfill life wishes turned into her dying exactly a month after the oncologist told her what was wrong.
Robbed of any chance to say goodbye to her family, and for any of us to say goodbye to her.
How am I supposed to feel about this? I cried until I was sick. And now I just feel numb. I'm hoping that writing out this post will help a bit.
Anyway.
If I have been conspicuously absent, there's why. If I continue to be absent, there's why too. I need a little time to cope with this. And then I need to put my mind to this second job a bit more fully. Right now, it's just her life partner and I; and I am already going to be losing some hours at work. If my employer is cool, they'll give me some bereavement time. If not, welp.
There were a few reasons for this.
First, my work load at my day job took a sudden upward spike due to summer vacation, and all sorts of kids needing cheap junkfood to fill them up. So we had a pretty good amount of business.
About the time when it slowed down, and I was thinking of getting back to work, life decided to take a big old dump on me.
My mom had been complaining about her feet swelling. Although I was a bit worried about it, I didn't push the issue too far, at least until a recent photo of her was posted on facebook and her family began asking me questions about her health.
I went ahead and kinda pushed and prodded her into seeing a doctor, thinking that, worst case scenario, it was a liver issue brought on by alcohol use over a long period of time or something.
It wasn't.
It was cancer.
Stage 4.
Starting in the lungs and metastasizing to her liver, and eventually potentially her brain.
That's a lot to fucking take in all at once. At the time of the diagnosis, she was quite weak and not all that cognizant of her surroundings; but thanks to an emergency boost to her nutrients and some medication, she was beginning to recover a bit. I felt some degree of hope that she'd be able to enjoy what time she had left.
But, you know, life has a great way of fucking with you and reminding you that for every up, there can be a down; and there were a series of serious downs over the course of the last few days.
After radiation therapy, she and her partner spoke with the oncologist, who told her she had lost too much weight for them to start chemo. Our goal, then, was to get her weight back up.
But her appetite was fading.
And then her consciousness, too; for the last four days, she was basically locked into her own mind, unable to recognize the world around her.
I had gotten out of the bath this afternoon only to get an urgent response from her partner. Something was going horribly wrong.
From there, it was a blur. EMTs came into our house to intubate and try and kickstart her. They took her to the ER. A doctor told us that the chances of recovery are grim, and urged us to consider taking out the tube they had just put in.
We had no choice. Seeing her like that made it clear that there was no chance for a comfortable life.
She passed away about 30 minutes later, before they could even situate her in a more comfortable room.
What was supposed to be a chance to settle accounts and possibly fulfill life wishes turned into her dying exactly a month after the oncologist told her what was wrong.
Robbed of any chance to say goodbye to her family, and for any of us to say goodbye to her.
How am I supposed to feel about this? I cried until I was sick. And now I just feel numb. I'm hoping that writing out this post will help a bit.
Anyway.
If I have been conspicuously absent, there's why. If I continue to be absent, there's why too. I need a little time to cope with this. And then I need to put my mind to this second job a bit more fully. Right now, it's just her life partner and I; and I am already going to be losing some hours at work. If my employer is cool, they'll give me some bereavement time. If not, welp.
Yes. A few moments free of it may help. But frankly, it'll turn into a bigger nightmare down the line.
Take the time you need. This is going to be something which will never get easy. Ever.
Just don't hurt yourself doing so.
We're here for you.
The phrase "well, fuck" comes to mind. That royally sucks.
I just lost my dad last month, halfway to the hospital. The doctor said it was a heart attack due to his diabetes... but to me personally it looked more like suffocation from lack of oxygen in the lungs or something because of his breathing difficulties as of late before he passed away in the car. It was instantaneous that morning, reality hit pretty hard on me and the rest of my family that day. It could've been prevented if he wasn't so stubborn to go see a doctor about his condition he's been complaining only a few days ago before it happened... that fool u_u;
I know it must be hard for you right now, but I do wish all the best for you and those around you. You have good friends who cares about you dearly, let them be your wings of support whenever you need to. Stay strong, friend *hugs*
Take what time you need away, time to be with family, with friends, whatever it takes to pull yourself back together and square things away as best you can. I think I can safely speak for everyone here who watches that we're all pulling for you, and, if you need help, don't hesitate to ask, whether a word, a hug, or more.
Yours,
Mika