a job should be enjoyable, not a pain in the butt. eventually you gonna have to quit it and maybe seek higher education to apply for something better later. you must think about your own health and not feel stressed and horrible inside for a job that causes you a lot of pain. -w-

I would have to agree with Vixy here. I had a job at my local Wal Mart as the Cart Pusher. As in that guy who brings carts back to the store. I suffer chronic anxiety, and being the cart pusher for a busy-ass store in Cali in the middle of summer was a recipe for disaster. Granted, I was only working part time, but with the combined stresses of the heat, idiot drivers in a semi-big city, it being my first job, and my persistent mental disorders, I almost had a damn panic attack one day. But at that point, I realized "This job will only make things worse for me" and after talking with one of the older associates, he basically said "If the job you have makes you unhappy, you shouldn't do it. If you have something to fall back on, then quit and find a different one." So my advice for you is this: If you have something to fall back on, IE a family member or another reliable source of income, then leave the job until you can find a better one. If not.... I am of no help, and I apologize.

believe me dude, you aren't the only one who has gone through this feeling and it sucks. it really sucks i know it. my last job i had i was completely miserable since the day i started and while i worked there i regretted taking that job to begin with because it only put me in deeper in the hole i was already stuck in. i wanted to quit 5 months in but people told me not to and keep going, so i did. the people i worked with treated me like dog shit and never respected me no matter how hard i worked or proved myself, i just was never good enough to them. after nearly 2 years of working there and working hard, i was rewarded to being laid off, which only proved i was never respected by this company. but after i was laid off last year and being unemployed for 8 months, i found a job i really love and makes me really happy and even be successful. it was ultimately a miracle waiting to happen.

i don't want to turn the tables towards me or rub it in (sorry if that was i came across doing it wasn't intentional), but the point of the matter is no matter how rough a situation is, there is always a silver lining and i'm sure it will come to you before you know it. don't lose faith and hope. it might not be much but i'm always here to chat with ya and even help you out with anything, if you need it! i just hope for the best for you and hope you get what will make you happier. :3c

Man I wish I could tell how much that sums me up lately :\

I would contribute to a patreon of yours c:>

I'm finally going back to school, myself. I know what you're feeling. I feel like a joke for my age.

What you discribe is self sabotage. I really don't know you all that well personally and I have enjoyed your art for a long time.

I think you should try and work on your self steem, as for what I read it might be pretty low and then work on any projects you want.

You might be thinking nothing will work because you aren't good enough or out of fear that other people wont like it or that it wont succed financially and so you feel like your job (even if shitty) is what is safer even if you hate it.

This is all speculation, as I said I really dont know you personally, I could be totally wrong, but atleast I am trying to explain from my point of view.

I think you can do great things, you just need to believe in yourself (I know it is cheesy and cliche but fuck it).

Best regards and I hope you can crawl out whatever is holding you back.