FA+
Shop
I need to get this off my chest (rant)
9 years ago
General
__̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡̡.__ Ok, kids.
Hear me out here.
I've been around the community nearly 9 years now.
While it might not seem like much number wise.
It has felt like a long time compared to most things I've done.
In my time here I've established my interests, and found the friends I could stick with and trust with my life..
And sadly I've made these observations as well....
I could be In the same room with somebody, for the same purpose, whether it be because we share the same hobby, or the same interest fetish wise, what have you.
but the second I make an opinion known based on personal experience, or just because I don't strongly believe one way or the other, I'll be completely lit on fire, and painted as a bad guy for all to see.
It further reinforces my fear of ever taking sides.
In fact from the beginning I've never been a fan of taking sides to an argument, and usually offered my own third point of view to every 2 sided direction.
Much to my surprise this has actually caused me more grief.
because I won't side with one or the other, I am accused of sympathizing with the other party.
or told I lack the back bone to stand for what I believe in.
What if I told you that my back has been broken more times than I could count, for standing for what I believe in? cast away by friends I deeply cared for.
What if I told you my opinions, if heard would make me lose all of what I work for in terms of respect from my friends and the community?
And this brings me to another subject..
Respect..
There is one thing I have an interest in, that seems to befowl my image more than anything I love.
In a visual standpoint this could be taken in jest, and be a fun thing to tease about.
But in all seriousness, I feel this is what prevents me from ever connecting with the community and getting to share the best of me..
My interest in Messy diapers.
It's no secret, I love it.
It's tied into every fetish I have, it's a trigger for me to relax and feel little.
and it's a source of comfort.
It has however become a big stink (pun intended) on my image as an artist and a contributing member of this community.
I feel that just simply because I love this sort of thing, and that I am so comfortable with it, that people avoid me out of sheer disgust, or simply because they do not wish to be associated with it.
I feel helpless as a result. (Not the good kind)
Because this is a big part of me.
I've tried to let it go, I've tried to find other things, I've tried to even convince myself this is wrong and that I can't keep doing this.
All with futile efforts and sometimes a strong recoil, when I bounce back and realize this isn't leaving me.
Nothing can replace the vulnerable feeling of being messy.
Nothing can replace the feeling of pushing it out.
The needy feeling, the reminder that I am still just a baby.
The warmth, and the embarrassing stink.
Sometimes it really puts a nail on my stake so to say, to know this is my curse, a rancid, terrible stain on who I am in the eyes of others.
"Gosh if only Bobkitty wasn't so into messy diapers, he'd be so much more likable"
But I reluctantly cannot escape this.
I've tried to run, only to be pulled back in by the comforting desires.
I wish I could say this isn't all of me, and I'll even tell you I have a real life outside of all this mess.
but who would believe me, when all they see is me expressing my comforts online?
Those who have met me in person know I can put all of that behind me and reveal a very likable and enjoyable person to interact with, always willing to help, always willing to offer, always standing by to give an open ear.
But I have only existed in such small circles, only a few people believe the real me, few see Bobby outside of the Kitten, few take the chance to brave the unknown and see the clean Bobby.
I can admit, it's really hard to get to me behind my mask, because of my hardened personality towards new people, I don't trust anymore, and not often I consider anyone past small talk and sharing art.
But I'd like believe I am a decent person, a flawed person, but a decent person regardless.
Really tho.. in TLDR, after all this rambling.
I just.. I just wish in the 9 years I've been here.
I could feel like I belong.
It's pretty fitting being a Black cat, and always wandering to the next, looking for a place to be, before being cast away when people realize who I am.
I can only wear a disguise for so long.
Hear me out here.
I've been around the community nearly 9 years now.
While it might not seem like much number wise.
It has felt like a long time compared to most things I've done.
In my time here I've established my interests, and found the friends I could stick with and trust with my life..
And sadly I've made these observations as well....
I could be In the same room with somebody, for the same purpose, whether it be because we share the same hobby, or the same interest fetish wise, what have you.
but the second I make an opinion known based on personal experience, or just because I don't strongly believe one way or the other, I'll be completely lit on fire, and painted as a bad guy for all to see.
It further reinforces my fear of ever taking sides.
In fact from the beginning I've never been a fan of taking sides to an argument, and usually offered my own third point of view to every 2 sided direction.
Much to my surprise this has actually caused me more grief.
because I won't side with one or the other, I am accused of sympathizing with the other party.
or told I lack the back bone to stand for what I believe in.
What if I told you that my back has been broken more times than I could count, for standing for what I believe in? cast away by friends I deeply cared for.
What if I told you my opinions, if heard would make me lose all of what I work for in terms of respect from my friends and the community?
And this brings me to another subject..
Respect..
There is one thing I have an interest in, that seems to befowl my image more than anything I love.
In a visual standpoint this could be taken in jest, and be a fun thing to tease about.
But in all seriousness, I feel this is what prevents me from ever connecting with the community and getting to share the best of me..
My interest in Messy diapers.
It's no secret, I love it.
It's tied into every fetish I have, it's a trigger for me to relax and feel little.
and it's a source of comfort.
It has however become a big stink (pun intended) on my image as an artist and a contributing member of this community.
I feel that just simply because I love this sort of thing, and that I am so comfortable with it, that people avoid me out of sheer disgust, or simply because they do not wish to be associated with it.
I feel helpless as a result. (Not the good kind)
Because this is a big part of me.
I've tried to let it go, I've tried to find other things, I've tried to even convince myself this is wrong and that I can't keep doing this.
All with futile efforts and sometimes a strong recoil, when I bounce back and realize this isn't leaving me.
Nothing can replace the vulnerable feeling of being messy.
Nothing can replace the feeling of pushing it out.
The needy feeling, the reminder that I am still just a baby.
The warmth, and the embarrassing stink.
Sometimes it really puts a nail on my stake so to say, to know this is my curse, a rancid, terrible stain on who I am in the eyes of others.
"Gosh if only Bobkitty wasn't so into messy diapers, he'd be so much more likable"
But I reluctantly cannot escape this.
I've tried to run, only to be pulled back in by the comforting desires.
I wish I could say this isn't all of me, and I'll even tell you I have a real life outside of all this mess.
but who would believe me, when all they see is me expressing my comforts online?
Those who have met me in person know I can put all of that behind me and reveal a very likable and enjoyable person to interact with, always willing to help, always willing to offer, always standing by to give an open ear.
But I have only existed in such small circles, only a few people believe the real me, few see Bobby outside of the Kitten, few take the chance to brave the unknown and see the clean Bobby.
I can admit, it's really hard to get to me behind my mask, because of my hardened personality towards new people, I don't trust anymore, and not often I consider anyone past small talk and sharing art.
But I'd like believe I am a decent person, a flawed person, but a decent person regardless.
Really tho.. in TLDR, after all this rambling.
I just.. I just wish in the 9 years I've been here.
I could feel like I belong.
It's pretty fitting being a Black cat, and always wandering to the next, looking for a place to be, before being cast away when people realize who I am.
I can only wear a disguise for so long.
People who are gonna think bad of you or judge yoo for stuff yoo like are stupid doody heads. I have plenty of friends into the messy side of stuff. ..gonna be honest its not really my cup of tea though daddy likes me being messy ive probably done it like...4....5 times in my life as an AB. But just cause you like that....doesnt make you any less of a person. We all have different likes and hobbies and all sorts of stuff if people cant see beyond that one bit of you then you really dont need people that shallow to like you.
Nice job there =P
No but really, thank you for the reply, I mean It's comforting to know people believe otherwise.
But I just can't shake it some days, you know?
I think I've just had too much time to overthink things that have been bugging me, yeah.
-hugs-
I love messy diapers, though I admit I don't get to indulge in my love for them often, I have to wait until I'm certain that I'll be all alone for a few hours. Do you feel better now that you've said all this?
As long as you're doing what makes you happy, then who cares what others think?
It does become difficult to hide behind your mask for a long time, as humans are social creatures, people need the comfort and acceptance of others... it's all part of the heigharchy of needs. The only solution I have had in the aspect of sharing interests and feeling accepted, is picking/finding true virtuous friends who won't judge based off my interests... something that has been a challenge... but has slightly worked out. You just gotta keep your head up and ignore the ignorant people who don't know better than to judge you for insignificant things
Like you tho I also try to stay on a nuetral side, it doesn't always pan out. And its caused its fair share of issues. Probably why I just started being brutally honest with people.
All I can say really, is that I respect you, and would jump at the opertunity to meet and hangout (Hard to do with no funds mind you) I also enjoy seeing you're art. messy and other wise. You're one of the few artist that actually draw it. And you give it you're own personal touch. <3
My advice is the old cliché, that you may already know, but it couldn't be more true: "as long it doesn't prejudice someone, just be yourself". As my example, I'm used to have a lot of internal conflicts... Between my love for infantilism and my religion... Buy it turns out... According to my research, the be a baby for once and a while, doesn't prejudice my life in any of these aspects.
"Why people feel uncomfortable around me then"? Well, there's a tons of reasons actually. Maybe they are just not used with your peculiarity, because it's far away from their comfort zone... Maybe they don't understand... Or , sadly, they are closed minded
Continue doing what makes you happy! Never, for any reason, deny yourself of your happiness!!
That being said, don't be discouraged if they don't like messy diaper art. (even if yours may be very light compared to others) Just be you!
I think you are fine the way you are. I like you the same whether you have a mess in your diapers, or if you are clean. Certainly, if you can deal with the smell of someone who wets in their pants and smells of pee, I can deal with someone who messes their diapers and smells of poo! Society is probably never going to be fully accepting of either of us, but you are perfectly fine by me. The best part is that your love for something in real life shows in your art. It's a large part of what makes your art so attractive. You are putting something of yourself into it.
I admire you for being open about something many people are afraid of.