There's just so much I wanna write without mono-logging a wall of text.

Jee, it's been two years since I posted something Journal wise?
who even reads these things any more?

I've been posting little bits of art here and there, and those who keep track of me on twitter have seen my doodles I try to make to at least draw something.

I've been struggling to accept myself, I've -always- been struggling, I'm not gunna lie, or cover it up.
I'm as real and transparent as they get.

I have been heavily desiring actually taking commission slots, to actually make a bit of free spending money to improve my quality of life.
But I lack so much confidence in myself to commit to it.

I know a dozen people who've come to me in the last month who have wanted art from me for so long, and I just smile, and nod my head, and it gets lost in my ever flipping thoughts, until I am reminded later that I should have drawn this person something, and they post new commissions they got instead.

and I'm like, I could have done that, I could have done that and felt like I did something.

I have one person in particular who's been working with me, I owe them, they paid me, and I'm just knocking down ideas every time.
I'll sit and doodle it and then I'm not happy with how it looks and scrap the picture, and then take more breaks, or doodle personal art..

I am so completely obsessed with art, and I love the feeling of completing a picture, but I struggle so much with the process of getting it done..

I wish I knew the solution to this never ending cycle that didn't involve me just quitting altogether to save me the trouble..
I can't stop drawing, I just can't, it's something I'll always do as long as I have hands to hold a pencil.

But I just want to actually get up and DO something with it.
create the drive to actually DO the art, and make people happy like I intended, and maybe.. just maybe I could make some extra money..


Weh, Thanks for reading.