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Why I self labeled "Utter trash"(Last vent journal/ I wish)
9 years ago
First and foremost
Don't judge if you haven't been in my shoes. If it isn't obvious, I have a hate boner for that and you'll know why
And looking back at how I acted, it wasn't who I was and I apologize to anyone that I was sarcastic or a smart ass too.
And I really don't like to put this out or explain my problem and it was really hard.
So it all started on Thursday and I went out with my mom so we could get me a bank account which was the best thing that had ever happened and I knew it should be handled with responsibility. So the next morning, as I prepare to leave early for school(As required) I forgot to ask for lunch money and I wasn't sure how I would do. I had forgotten that I was told not to use it and I do not remember why. So Friday was Center for Independence day and while I was waiting for the bus I was bored and I was drawing. While doing so, I had an iphone I remember leaving The Youtube app on which requires wifi to go on
So I went on and surprisingly, not only did I find out that I could go on Youtube, but I could also use wifi to go on the Internet. I didn't know how and I knew it wasn't the school's wifi(They don't let you go on Youtube or on some restricted sites) So while we were on the bus, they had loud music on(which I find kind of obnoxious but I know they're just having a good time) and I'm on the iphone watching a walkthrough of Quake 4 after listening to some music until I got a message that said that 75% of the data was going to the bill. The moment I saw I was like" Wait what?... Oh....sshhiitt-" Bare in mind I don't fully know how this AT&T service worked and I just roll with things(which is not always the best thing to do). So the moment the message came, I realized that I was using cellphone data from my mom's phone and I quickly took it down and got off my phone throughout the school day until I got home. I wanted to explain to her that it was a mistake and I didn't realize I was using her data, but part of me didn't want to because I was afraid of how she would react as she doesn't like and hates bad news which makes her react very negative and on some occasions kind of make her savage if you know what I mean. So I'm at home and the first thing I notice is that the wifi's off( I usually go to bed to take a nap which I do most of the time or go on the comp) So later in the evening, my mom came home and later on she addressed to me in such a way that was so nasty.
Now I have had a history of being chewed out for messing up, but this one in particular was so bad that I felt like I couldn't do anything anymore as well as pursue the career I wanted. I felt colorless and I felt like utter trash that I didn't eat dinner for two days and a bad attitude. In short I was a different person with different yet bad attitude and looking back, I've regretted it.
Between me and her, I keep I try to keep 80 to 90% of things to myself and ten percent or less of things about things she wanted to hear like how was school or just fabricate it. Why do I do this? I feel less understood and less accepted! And along with that she's hard to talk to! I'm not very social with her and part of it is that I'm a quiet person.
And then she wonders why I don't talk to her. And I get this once in a while when I'm in places such as school. One of my teachers from the open house told me that my mom said that I don't talk that often to her...
HHMMM I WONDER WHY IS THAT TOO!
I told this to a few friends of mine and they say things like "You should see your mom for how hard you try" and "She loves you no matter how mean" I'm not saying that any of that isn't true. I've stopped looking at that kind of light and honestly I feel like telling them off because I feel hurt and I'll never forget what hit me.
I don't want anyone preaching about my mom because like I said I feel hurt.
To those that I was sarcastic and a smart ass to, I'm really am sorry and that wasn't who I really am. I had taken out my problems on you in such a way that was unkind impolite and rude. I ask for forgiveness and I really do, but I understand if I'm not forgiven
I'm working on putting myself on a better track and put myself together as far as feeling better goes.
Don't judge if you haven't been in my shoes. If it isn't obvious, I have a hate boner for that and you'll know why
And looking back at how I acted, it wasn't who I was and I apologize to anyone that I was sarcastic or a smart ass too.
And I really don't like to put this out or explain my problem and it was really hard.
So it all started on Thursday and I went out with my mom so we could get me a bank account which was the best thing that had ever happened and I knew it should be handled with responsibility. So the next morning, as I prepare to leave early for school(As required) I forgot to ask for lunch money and I wasn't sure how I would do. I had forgotten that I was told not to use it and I do not remember why. So Friday was Center for Independence day and while I was waiting for the bus I was bored and I was drawing. While doing so, I had an iphone I remember leaving The Youtube app on which requires wifi to go on
So I went on and surprisingly, not only did I find out that I could go on Youtube, but I could also use wifi to go on the Internet. I didn't know how and I knew it wasn't the school's wifi(They don't let you go on Youtube or on some restricted sites) So while we were on the bus, they had loud music on(which I find kind of obnoxious but I know they're just having a good time) and I'm on the iphone watching a walkthrough of Quake 4 after listening to some music until I got a message that said that 75% of the data was going to the bill. The moment I saw I was like" Wait what?... Oh....sshhiitt-" Bare in mind I don't fully know how this AT&T service worked and I just roll with things(which is not always the best thing to do). So the moment the message came, I realized that I was using cellphone data from my mom's phone and I quickly took it down and got off my phone throughout the school day until I got home. I wanted to explain to her that it was a mistake and I didn't realize I was using her data, but part of me didn't want to because I was afraid of how she would react as she doesn't like and hates bad news which makes her react very negative and on some occasions kind of make her savage if you know what I mean. So I'm at home and the first thing I notice is that the wifi's off( I usually go to bed to take a nap which I do most of the time or go on the comp) So later in the evening, my mom came home and later on she addressed to me in such a way that was so nasty.
Now I have had a history of being chewed out for messing up, but this one in particular was so bad that I felt like I couldn't do anything anymore as well as pursue the career I wanted. I felt colorless and I felt like utter trash that I didn't eat dinner for two days and a bad attitude. In short I was a different person with different yet bad attitude and looking back, I've regretted it.
Between me and her, I keep I try to keep 80 to 90% of things to myself and ten percent or less of things about things she wanted to hear like how was school or just fabricate it. Why do I do this? I feel less understood and less accepted! And along with that she's hard to talk to! I'm not very social with her and part of it is that I'm a quiet person.
And then she wonders why I don't talk to her. And I get this once in a while when I'm in places such as school. One of my teachers from the open house told me that my mom said that I don't talk that often to her...
HHMMM I WONDER WHY IS THAT TOO!
I told this to a few friends of mine and they say things like "You should see your mom for how hard you try" and "She loves you no matter how mean" I'm not saying that any of that isn't true. I've stopped looking at that kind of light and honestly I feel like telling them off because I feel hurt and I'll never forget what hit me.
I don't want anyone preaching about my mom because like I said I feel hurt.
To those that I was sarcastic and a smart ass to, I'm really am sorry and that wasn't who I really am. I had taken out my problems on you in such a way that was unkind impolite and rude. I ask for forgiveness and I really do, but I understand if I'm not forgiven
I'm working on putting myself on a better track and put myself together as far as feeling better goes.
*hugs you*
And thank you for your kindness
Oh, so that's what was going on! Thanks, that does explain it!
Something I want to highlight: That feeling when you have an interpersonal problem with your parents, and people feel the need to tell you that they're your parents and love you and ergo are automatically correct.
Don't do that, guys, really. Most parent love us but sometimes they don't handle situations well. A lot of parents have the mistaken attitude that "They're your parents, not your friend".
Let us hypothesize an alternative: What if you told her that you accidentally drained her credit, and offered her a refund as well?
And yes I have told her that it was an accident and like I said. Well first it isn't credit but debit card. It isn't severely hindered.