Today I put in an application for education at a community college near here. I intend to start going this fall as a full time student, and tomorrow I'm taking career placement tests to see what jobs I might enjoy with my personality.

I'm also intimidated out of my ever-loving mind.

I've wanted to go to college, vaguely, since I graduated high school. No, let me be more precise than that: I wanted to learn more. Since I came here, I've been drifting from job to job desperately, and wanting intently to avoid losing my home. I'm tired of being afraid of having no future.

I want to be wise. I want to be learned--not because I want to say 'I know everything' but because I want to say 'How much there is yet to know'. I... I don't want my life to shrivel away, a day at a time, because I was too busy playing video games and goofing around to hold real relationships and reach out to the people I love--including all of you.

Yes, I said it. I love you all.

Every one of you who knows me, fleetingly or intrinsically, I love you. Please stay alight on the earth. I miss connecting with you, playing with you, talking with you.

I'm tired of feeling alone when I know I am not. Right now, though, I need to cement myself as having a genuine, proper life--a long, happy life.