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The More I Think About Everything I've Done Here...
9 years ago
WE INTERRUPT THIS YIFFING WITH A WORD FROM OUR FOX
The more I simply do not like any of it. I thoroughly believe I've done everything wrong in this fandom. I'm thinking of revamping my page. Again. For instance.
I'm never satisfied with that thing. It does not help that I'm starting to seriously hate my username as well.
...Well pretty much everything about me and my page. I seriously think I should start over with this fandom. For a number of reasons really...
I think it was a bad idea to split my content between the two accounts I have. I should have stayed with one. This one, or even that one. What made me think having a SFW and NSFW account would matter?
What do you think? Have I played things out in this fandom badly and need a reboot of my own. What can I change? What can I do? What SHOULD I do to become more involved with this fandom?
I... probably should have noted that I ain't good at shizzle like this. Or at least I most CERTAINLY wasn't.
I remember when I first joined the fandom in 2013... I remember just how little I knew about us. And how much I've learned since. And yet I still don't know everything! I want to know what I should do to avoid those terrible mistakes that I made in 2013 and 14 here, and several forum sites I tried to be on.
Also what I noticed that to make it "big" in this fandom, you need to draw copious amounts of porn and exploit the shit out of it, or you're fucked. I'm a SFW writer at heart and the fact that I have only 200 watchers... ...surprises me. Never thought I'd get that many...
But if I wrote smut all the time, wanna make bets on how many I MIGHT have gotten? 400? 500? 1,000? More? Would I have financial problems if I whored myself out with smutty writing that had no meaning?
I want my writing to have meaning. I want them to be passionate and real. ...But I know that this fandom is NOT the right audience for them despite having anthros.
This fandom is not ALL about the porn right...? ...I seriously doubt that. If you looked at any statistics between SFW and NSFW... you'd notice the truth too. I don't want to be a prude, because I fully admit that I can be a FILTHY fox. But to say that less than half the fandom is about porn, to me, from what I've observed, is simply put: bullshit. It just is. Every day I wonder what would have happened if I wrote much more smut... more kinks... All that. I really think I'd be doing better.
I'm not saying I want more watchers, favorites, blah blah blah. Sure, it'd be helpful, but what I'm really saying is I want to feel like I've accomplished something in this fandom. To feel like I've made some kind of impact. With Winter's Gallows I hope... but again. I think that my novel will fail. I mean that. I think that project is a lost cause. It's not smut, and it's written by a nobody. In this fandom, that means it will never be seen. So why do I continue to write it? At this point... ...only to vent my frustrations and see if I can do it, really. That's about it. Honestly... this is where that slump that keeps me from working on it now is coming from... I just feel like it's all going to be a waste...
If I am to be proven wrong, that's great. Really it is! I love being proven wrong given how pessimistic I am! We'll see what happens. But I'm not rich. I suck at drawing. I don't create much smut AT ALL, and I have pitifully few friends. Sounds like I'll just continue wasting my time really at this rate.
I really do think it's time for a change and I am not sure exactly what to do about it. What do you think? I probably wasted my time writing this journal... But you know what? I've been doing that for almost four years now in reality... I got to find a way to just... do something.
Recently I felt a change in the atmosphere around me... like a major ass change in my life is coming... Whether it'll be good or bad, I do not know. But I hope to spin this into changing my life here in this fandom in some way. Any way! So let's do it! Let's find the way. Let's find the key we've lost.
Y-ya know... the header and footer of my journals? The lyrics to The Key We've Lost from Xenoblade Chronicles X? No? Alright then.
As time goes on, I will be finding ways to make myself... not worthless... for once in my life.
BUT ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, MY BOYFRIEND
IS NOW A PET/MATE/BOYFRIEND COMBO. Ahh... he's so cute like that...
I'm never satisfied with that thing. It does not help that I'm starting to seriously hate my username as well.
...Well pretty much everything about me and my page. I seriously think I should start over with this fandom. For a number of reasons really...
I think it was a bad idea to split my content between the two accounts I have. I should have stayed with one. This one, or even that one. What made me think having a SFW and NSFW account would matter?
What do you think? Have I played things out in this fandom badly and need a reboot of my own. What can I change? What can I do? What SHOULD I do to become more involved with this fandom?
I... probably should have noted that I ain't good at shizzle like this. Or at least I most CERTAINLY wasn't.
I remember when I first joined the fandom in 2013... I remember just how little I knew about us. And how much I've learned since. And yet I still don't know everything! I want to know what I should do to avoid those terrible mistakes that I made in 2013 and 14 here, and several forum sites I tried to be on.
Also what I noticed that to make it "big" in this fandom, you need to draw copious amounts of porn and exploit the shit out of it, or you're fucked. I'm a SFW writer at heart and the fact that I have only 200 watchers... ...surprises me. Never thought I'd get that many...
But if I wrote smut all the time, wanna make bets on how many I MIGHT have gotten? 400? 500? 1,000? More? Would I have financial problems if I whored myself out with smutty writing that had no meaning?
I want my writing to have meaning. I want them to be passionate and real. ...But I know that this fandom is NOT the right audience for them despite having anthros.
This fandom is not ALL about the porn right...? ...I seriously doubt that. If you looked at any statistics between SFW and NSFW... you'd notice the truth too. I don't want to be a prude, because I fully admit that I can be a FILTHY fox. But to say that less than half the fandom is about porn, to me, from what I've observed, is simply put: bullshit. It just is. Every day I wonder what would have happened if I wrote much more smut... more kinks... All that. I really think I'd be doing better.
I'm not saying I want more watchers, favorites, blah blah blah. Sure, it'd be helpful, but what I'm really saying is I want to feel like I've accomplished something in this fandom. To feel like I've made some kind of impact. With Winter's Gallows I hope... but again. I think that my novel will fail. I mean that. I think that project is a lost cause. It's not smut, and it's written by a nobody. In this fandom, that means it will never be seen. So why do I continue to write it? At this point... ...only to vent my frustrations and see if I can do it, really. That's about it. Honestly... this is where that slump that keeps me from working on it now is coming from... I just feel like it's all going to be a waste...
If I am to be proven wrong, that's great. Really it is! I love being proven wrong given how pessimistic I am! We'll see what happens. But I'm not rich. I suck at drawing. I don't create much smut AT ALL, and I have pitifully few friends. Sounds like I'll just continue wasting my time really at this rate.
I really do think it's time for a change and I am not sure exactly what to do about it. What do you think? I probably wasted my time writing this journal... But you know what? I've been doing that for almost four years now in reality... I got to find a way to just... do something.
Recently I felt a change in the atmosphere around me... like a major ass change in my life is coming... Whether it'll be good or bad, I do not know. But I hope to spin this into changing my life here in this fandom in some way. Any way! So let's do it! Let's find the way. Let's find the key we've lost.
Y-ya know... the header and footer of my journals? The lyrics to The Key We've Lost from Xenoblade Chronicles X? No? Alright then.
As time goes on, I will be finding ways to make myself... not worthless... for once in my life.
BUT ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, MY BOYFRIEND
IS NOW A PET/MATE/BOYFRIEND COMBO. Ahh... he's so cute like that... 
Unfortunately, what's popular has no substance. What has effort put into it gets little to no attention while the "easy" stuff gets it all. Kinda like pop music in a way... ...No. EXACTLY like it...
Sex sells. There are no truer words at all...