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An Open letter to my Followers
9 years ago
General
__̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡̡.__ I am Sorry.
My apologies for my actions on twitter.
My apologies for the lack of art.
My apologies for being such a downer lately.
My apologies for my lack of communication to people really trying to get my attention.
I have not been the type of artist I had intended to be.
Heck I still continue to upload and never finish pencil sketches.
Now, I have a long list of excuses I could fill this journal with, self pity and oh woe is me, my life is hard blah blah.
Well yeah and so is 100 others out there who have been doing the same thing.
I see my behavior as inexcusable, but justified in it's own right some how.
I'm scared I have lost the trust of a number of friends whom have had trust in me.
I don't know where to go from here.
I've been thinking, in quiet silence, what to do with myself.
I considered qutting art altogether, but that would make me very upset.
part of me feels like nothing would be missed if I quit, but I myself would not enjoy it.
and I would miss the attention I get here and there when I show it off.
I've considered quitting the whole Little fur lifestyle, because it feels like a hopeless cause, an endless battle to find sanctuary for my feelings to go free.
My endless search for an adult figure to connect with.
It only brings pain in place of something I seek comfort in.
I struggle with my living situation to indulge.
But to let it go would be to let go the only emotional release I have outside of art.
and yet, I feel selfish for complaining, and it becomes a vicious cycle that resembles chronic depression.
I've also considered shutting myself off from communication Via Social medias, and only showing myself through my art, the one medium that people seem to unconditionally enjoy from me.
I tend to feel that it's the thing people want most of me, and the only thing I can do that does not destroy friendships, or cause grief amongst those I care about.
But could I actually handle the solitude?
could I stand not to socialize with people, and give in to my desire to express my opinion and communicate.
I mean I am a natural loner, I always have been.
I am the one who always sits outside of the group and works in his own space, away from others, but while secretly wishing people would appreciate him and like him.
These are thoughts I've been having in my off times I get time to myself to sit and ponder.
By the way, if you've ever come to me to try and connect with me via Instant chat like Telegram, or Steam, or something, I hope that you understand that I mean no ill feeling toward you if I don't reply.
It's hard for me to explain the uncomfortable feeling I get when I either have no idea what to reply, or I just don't feel like getting into conversation.
Sometimes I feel trapped in an IM, and I don't know how to get out if I want to get up and do something else, I get anxious easy, and want to run.
Most of the time my best solution is to pretend I am not there, and that is a horrible thing for me to do, to just ignore a possible friend who just wants to see how I am doing, maybe lend an open ear.
Anyways I think that's all for my Rambling here, thanks for reading, and stuff.
My apologies for my actions on twitter.
My apologies for the lack of art.
My apologies for being such a downer lately.
My apologies for my lack of communication to people really trying to get my attention.
I have not been the type of artist I had intended to be.
Heck I still continue to upload and never finish pencil sketches.
Now, I have a long list of excuses I could fill this journal with, self pity and oh woe is me, my life is hard blah blah.
Well yeah and so is 100 others out there who have been doing the same thing.
I see my behavior as inexcusable, but justified in it's own right some how.
I'm scared I have lost the trust of a number of friends whom have had trust in me.
I don't know where to go from here.
I've been thinking, in quiet silence, what to do with myself.
I considered qutting art altogether, but that would make me very upset.
part of me feels like nothing would be missed if I quit, but I myself would not enjoy it.
and I would miss the attention I get here and there when I show it off.
I've considered quitting the whole Little fur lifestyle, because it feels like a hopeless cause, an endless battle to find sanctuary for my feelings to go free.
My endless search for an adult figure to connect with.
It only brings pain in place of something I seek comfort in.
I struggle with my living situation to indulge.
But to let it go would be to let go the only emotional release I have outside of art.
and yet, I feel selfish for complaining, and it becomes a vicious cycle that resembles chronic depression.
I've also considered shutting myself off from communication Via Social medias, and only showing myself through my art, the one medium that people seem to unconditionally enjoy from me.
I tend to feel that it's the thing people want most of me, and the only thing I can do that does not destroy friendships, or cause grief amongst those I care about.
But could I actually handle the solitude?
could I stand not to socialize with people, and give in to my desire to express my opinion and communicate.
I mean I am a natural loner, I always have been.
I am the one who always sits outside of the group and works in his own space, away from others, but while secretly wishing people would appreciate him and like him.
These are thoughts I've been having in my off times I get time to myself to sit and ponder.
By the way, if you've ever come to me to try and connect with me via Instant chat like Telegram, or Steam, or something, I hope that you understand that I mean no ill feeling toward you if I don't reply.
It's hard for me to explain the uncomfortable feeling I get when I either have no idea what to reply, or I just don't feel like getting into conversation.
Sometimes I feel trapped in an IM, and I don't know how to get out if I want to get up and do something else, I get anxious easy, and want to run.
Most of the time my best solution is to pretend I am not there, and that is a horrible thing for me to do, to just ignore a possible friend who just wants to see how I am doing, maybe lend an open ear.
Anyways I think that's all for my Rambling here, thanks for reading, and stuff.
As for being a loner, I am mostly too, but that saves you from fake friends, so that's not a bad thing.
Just do you and try to do what makes you happy, and if that's minimal talk and a bunch of sketches, so be it. You don't owe people anything, you only owe yourself happiness. (I know, commissions are technically "owed to others," but you get my point)