FA+
Shop
I Want To Give Back
9 years ago
General
If you don't want to read a soppy journal then I'll bold where the important bit is so you don't have to read my emotional stuffs.
This year... Hoboy... It's been something, that's for sure.
Amidst all the madness that this year has brought, I can genuinely say this year has been the absolute worst and best year I've had thus far.
I found out my dad had Stage 2 Colon Cancer and he had to have some major surgeries and go through months of chemo.
I lost 2 of the most important people in my life. My Maternal Grandpa (Mom's Dad) passed in February to Stage 4 Lung Cancer. This event left me as a complete and utter mess. I still miss him dearly but I know he lives on in my heart and I only hope I can manage to make him proud someday. Then in October I lost my Paternal Grandma (Dad's Mom) to Alzheimer's and Cancer. I still can't listen to church music without hearing her voice and sometimes I catch myself humming her favorite songs like she would.
My Maternal Grandma (Mom's Mom) fell and broke her hip in a manner that forced her lower innards upward into her lungs.
Upon adopting my cat I found he had fleas, ear mites, and tapeworm, all of which I had to pay a pretty penny to get cleared up.
And of course there was another huge move from one state to another, my car still being broken which is keeping me from getting back to school, my depression flaring up after the move, and all the other little things that life throws at you on a daily basis.
Then of course there were the good things.
I got myself into a stable home and am working on rebuilding the relationship I missed out on with my Dad due to my Mom's manipulation. That's working out great, I'm happy here and I love being around my Dad.
I actually got a cat! And even though he had a few problems at first he's finally all cleaned up and parasite free! And he's become a part of the family, he snuggles me when I'm sad, sleeps with me at night, and sits on my desk next to me as I work so I don't feel alone. I couldn't ask for a better kitty.
I managed to start trying to conquer my fear of public transpiration and can now ride the train to visit my friends, though I'm still working on the fear of buses.
I started to talk with the family I was turned against by my mother and they've welcomed me back with open arms.
I've been away from the abuse and manipulation of my Mom and Step Family for several months... and it feels so good... Honestly I want to cry just thinking about how much happier I've been since cutting that giant tumor out of my life. I don't have people telling me I'm worthless, calling me names, trying to run my life and hurt me more.
I've started to learn to love myself even more. Each day I find something new that I like about myself. I've stopped putting myself down completely and started to say things like "I'm cute/pretty/beautiful/talented/etc." and it feels soooooo good to be able to love myself like I should have been doing.
I've noticed a huge change in my drawings from the beginning of this year! Do they take longer to draw now? Well... yeah... but at the same time they turn out SO much better to me now that I've started using my new methods. Hopefully with time I'll begin to draw faster as this new style becomes more natural to me.
I've managed to finally get time to sit down and work on commissions much more! It feels good to be releasing so many new sketches (and soon finished pieces!) I feel so much more productive and it's a real emotion booster.
I've made more friends within the community by opening up my Discord group! And that's been a joy for me! I'm always happy to talk to you guys! It's always wonderful for me when I get online and see so many people who care enough to ask me about me to take time out of their lives to ask me about my day and see if I'm doing alright. Of course I wish I did the same thing back much more often and I plan to work on that much more when things settle down in the busy department for me because you guys do mean a lot to me! Hell, you all made me who I am today. If it weren't for all your encouragement and support I don't think I would even have gotten as far as I have. I know I say it a lot, but that's because I truly mean it ^^
Now that I have the good and bad from this year written down, I've noticed how much longer the good list is than the bad. But of course no amount of good things will ever make the bad things less bad, but seeing them side by side puts things in a different perspective.
It shows me that improvement is being made and I'm FINALLY pulling myself out of the hole that I was thrown in to. I've dug my way out far enough that I'm finally starting to see the light and I can't even begin to explain how wonderful it feels.
I hope you all are doing well and are having a good December thus far!
Love and Hugs,
Rose
This year... Hoboy... It's been something, that's for sure.
Amidst all the madness that this year has brought, I can genuinely say this year has been the absolute worst and best year I've had thus far.
I found out my dad had Stage 2 Colon Cancer and he had to have some major surgeries and go through months of chemo.
I lost 2 of the most important people in my life. My Maternal Grandpa (Mom's Dad) passed in February to Stage 4 Lung Cancer. This event left me as a complete and utter mess. I still miss him dearly but I know he lives on in my heart and I only hope I can manage to make him proud someday. Then in October I lost my Paternal Grandma (Dad's Mom) to Alzheimer's and Cancer. I still can't listen to church music without hearing her voice and sometimes I catch myself humming her favorite songs like she would.
My Maternal Grandma (Mom's Mom) fell and broke her hip in a manner that forced her lower innards upward into her lungs.
Upon adopting my cat I found he had fleas, ear mites, and tapeworm, all of which I had to pay a pretty penny to get cleared up.
And of course there was another huge move from one state to another, my car still being broken which is keeping me from getting back to school, my depression flaring up after the move, and all the other little things that life throws at you on a daily basis.
Then of course there were the good things.
I got myself into a stable home and am working on rebuilding the relationship I missed out on with my Dad due to my Mom's manipulation. That's working out great, I'm happy here and I love being around my Dad.
I actually got a cat! And even though he had a few problems at first he's finally all cleaned up and parasite free! And he's become a part of the family, he snuggles me when I'm sad, sleeps with me at night, and sits on my desk next to me as I work so I don't feel alone. I couldn't ask for a better kitty.
I managed to start trying to conquer my fear of public transpiration and can now ride the train to visit my friends, though I'm still working on the fear of buses.
I started to talk with the family I was turned against by my mother and they've welcomed me back with open arms.
I've been away from the abuse and manipulation of my Mom and Step Family for several months... and it feels so good... Honestly I want to cry just thinking about how much happier I've been since cutting that giant tumor out of my life. I don't have people telling me I'm worthless, calling me names, trying to run my life and hurt me more.
I've started to learn to love myself even more. Each day I find something new that I like about myself. I've stopped putting myself down completely and started to say things like "I'm cute/pretty/beautiful/talented/etc." and it feels soooooo good to be able to love myself like I should have been doing.
I've noticed a huge change in my drawings from the beginning of this year! Do they take longer to draw now? Well... yeah... but at the same time they turn out SO much better to me now that I've started using my new methods. Hopefully with time I'll begin to draw faster as this new style becomes more natural to me.
I've managed to finally get time to sit down and work on commissions much more! It feels good to be releasing so many new sketches (and soon finished pieces!) I feel so much more productive and it's a real emotion booster.
I've made more friends within the community by opening up my Discord group! And that's been a joy for me! I'm always happy to talk to you guys! It's always wonderful for me when I get online and see so many people who care enough to ask me about me to take time out of their lives to ask me about my day and see if I'm doing alright. Of course I wish I did the same thing back much more often and I plan to work on that much more when things settle down in the busy department for me because you guys do mean a lot to me! Hell, you all made me who I am today. If it weren't for all your encouragement and support I don't think I would even have gotten as far as I have. I know I say it a lot, but that's because I truly mean it ^^
Now that I have the good and bad from this year written down, I've noticed how much longer the good list is than the bad. But of course no amount of good things will ever make the bad things less bad, but seeing them side by side puts things in a different perspective.
It shows me that improvement is being made and I'm FINALLY pulling myself out of the hole that I was thrown in to. I've dug my way out far enough that I'm finally starting to see the light and I can't even begin to explain how wonderful it feels.
[SIZE=3]So with all that mushy feely stuff aside I wanted to reach out and get some advice from you guys![/SIZE]
I want to do some good for people this year. Of course I still have a rather large work load that I'm working through but I would like to find some little things around the internet that I might be able to do to spread some love and happiness.
One thing I will be doing is posting a video to The Nicest Place On The Internet
The site where you record yourself giving your webcam a big ol' hug!
The idea is that you are giving a hug to someone in need of it through the internet. This is something I've always wanted to do and now I'm going to!
Of course I would like to do more things similar to this as well. I might even take a day to do a charity stream to raise money for the To Write Love On Her Arms Organization
This organization is one I've been following since I was a teen. It's impacted my life quite a bit, so much so that I was asked by my younger sister to tattoo "Love" on her wrist as her very first tattoo to remind her that I love her and that she shouldn't self harm anymore.
I want to do other little things similar to this. I know it's not much, but a little can go a long way!
I plan to be a lot more proactive next year with this sort of stuff, I also want to start a Youtube channel giving advice to teens and young adults who are in situations similar to those I experienced growing up. Because when you're in that situation, you feel like nobody is there for you... And if I can save a life with my advice DAMNIT I WILL!
Anywho, TL;DR
I would like to see if anyone can come up with simple ideas for me to help spread some joy this year around the digital world.
Keep in mind I can't do anything too terribly large (I'm no Markiplier) but maybe me helping with little things can make a few people smile! And of course it will make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, which is a plus!
So if you can think of anything, please let me know. And of course if you're too shy to say your idea publicly you are always welcome to hide behind Anon on my Tumblr I won't judge , I appreciate any ideas that come my way.I hope you all are doing well and are having a good December thus far!
Love and Hugs,
Rose
[SIZE=3]P.S.
More of you should participate in the Wishlist Meme I posted! I want to help grant some wishes if I can! If there are no wishes for me to grant then I'm going to be sad![/SIZE]