I'm guilty of this a lot, but I eventually warm up to people.
I've just gone through some harsh stuff that makes me afraid that I'll be hated, so sometimes I'll pick up a personal people will fulfill my desire to be validated with. It's something I'm personally trying to fix this, but sometimes it's hard when you're afraid of losing those you care about most.

If they care about you truly they will accept you for who you are. But being yourself can be the hardest but most fulfilling thing in life.

My really close friends know me for who I really am but new people it's hard not to have a persona up around.
I'm hoping that I'll be confident enough in myself to finally get out of that shell soon, it really is hard but sometimes the best things are worth the hardship to achieve.

Oh yeah, I'm sure it is hard. Sometimes when something is really bothering you or you want to speak out there is something that just stops you in your tracks and makes you think. Well I Don't want to be a bother. What I've learned is that we ourselves think we are this perfect person and we want others to see that. you gotta shatter that notion.

Here is a video that really helped me out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZm4B4foybM

What brought this on?
Give me the juicy juicy gossip so I can be bitter :D

I'm guilty of this a lot, but I have to because otherwise I'm pretty much relentlessly made fun of and shut out due to my disabilities, so I don't find it much of an issue personally. I could see how its annoying, I guess? But that's more on if you pretend you hate something that you love just because people around you do.
Idk. Humans are social creatures, but they're also pretty cruel and will totally crush you if you don't conform in certain situations. And its messed up and sucks, and people notice that. So I'd guess that they just try to avoid it, maybe without even totally realising?

Why do you care? Why should you care? there is no excuse for being disingenuous. Personally if someone tries to crush me for not conforming to certain situations I would literally punch them in the throat. It's not their place to tell me how I should be or what I should be. Unless you are some sort of fucked up in the head murderer/sociopath/psychopath, There is nothing wrong with you and people will be Genuinely attracted to being natural or genuine.

Because in my case it can get me killed six ways to sunday. =w=;
Plus its caused me a lot of trauma, mostly from when it happened to me as a kid.

Like, I understand your point of some people being attracted to you, but the only people like that for me are people with the same or similar conditions I have. Which probably sounds false, but generally, neurotypical people don't like me or people like me very much. To the point that us getting murdered is somehow forgiven.
Its not always about making sure people like you. And its really good that you're able to not care about what others think! Like, seriously, I'm super jealous of that, and its really good. But not everyone can do that, ya know?

May I ask what your condition is?

I'm autistic and have adhd, as well as a few sensory issues and trauma.
Not super willing to talk about some of it, as you can probably imagine.

I know the reason I hid my true self for a long time was because every time Id show people who I am they wouldnt like me and/or make fun of who I am. Now a days I do act like myself but only after having an amazing bff and gf to love me for who I am and prove to me I can be myself without worry of hate. Honestly, Im sorry for those who hide themselves whether for personal reasons or just cus they want to, but still yeah I dont like it when people are like that with me. Sadly a lot of people these days are "fake".

Thats awesome! Congrats~

Thanks :3

I mean.... I can see what you mean, honestly, but I also don't think it's that black and white--like in general cases. If someone is hiding their true selves to, say, mislead/take advantage of people, then I for sure can't approve of that.

Buuuut to be socially accepted, well, honestly, I see that more as a survival instinct. Like when you start to talk like someone you talk to frequently, it comes from a subconscious place of wanting to be accepted. Loneliness is an emotional pain that verges on the physical, and it's very hard to handle. The idea that family or friends may reject you for whatever you feel is an oddity in your character is a scary one. Like, I understand seeing it as fake or weak, as it's both those things, but.... well, I hold too much sympathy as someone who's like that myself to hold it against anyone.

No no That's not what I mean. I know certain situations call for certain attitude and speech. Everyone is cautious and more humble when they first meet someone to see how they act. I mean people who literally go through life pretending to be something then when you get close to them they don't open up they continue to be fake and everything they say and do becomes disingenuous.

For example a friend that continues to pretend to like the things you do just to impress you and you easily realize that all this stuff they say they liked is just dust in the wind to them.

i dont know. i've never grown upp knowing it was opkay to be fake to people. i mean sure if i hate something i' play along with a smile.

but like online, i don't think i could ever not be me. i mean, i'm me, so i don't know how to not.

Well, I mean, I'm pretty sure the fandom is all about trying to be your true self. And to answer your question, I'm not sure why people do it. If I had to guess, it's so they're excepted by all the closeminded people in the world. They feel like any diversion from what's considered "normal" will make them an outcast.

I don't see what's so wrong with being an outcast. There are a lot of great people on the outside. Perhaps almost all great minds were considered outcasts. Laughed at in their field until they made a breakthrough, never sold a painting until after they died.

Very true. And I agree.

i live with self-induced hatred and depression, stemming from a range of past issues i've yet to deal with. overall, I jsut live like im not worth crap... life has taught me long and hard, it's not worth putting forth the extra effort to be impressive, when those who are well below average get twice the rewards.

Lol well that's a pretty cynical way to look at it. I've found that many people will be attracted to a more geniune person. Even if you can be kind of an ass sometimes many people cling to them because they admire them for doing something they can't and in turn you have more people come out of their metaphoric "Shell"

Some people it just feels all they are is a shell.

while true, i've more or less built my own shell, and have little to no reason to leave it, in spite of occasional desire to do so.... idk... would better save long discussion for private if intereted :P *snuggles*

If it would help you to come out sure lol. But if your mind is made up then I respect that.

I can assure you that you get to see the real me on here. Outside of FA I usually have a proverbial barrier up. My kindness has been taken advantage of more than once, so I'm a bit more guarded. Once I get to know someone that barrier comes down.

Sometimes when I first meet people I'm this way. But if I feel they are an honest person and I can trust them, I tend to drop most the shield right away. I've found that honesty and openness really does feel better. I mean there are still things I'm shy to bring up to those around me but I don't feel that's the same as just pretending to be someone else or something. I tend to have a huge issue with liars. Like, if I find out someone is lying to me it's really hard for me to continue to talk to them. Sometimes depending on how big the lie I have stopped talking to some people.

See I understand being cautious when first meeting someone that's just part of the human condition. Almost a survival instinct. I'm talking about people who go through life pretending to be something their not and never opening up to anyone. Just acting cool, liking things they don't really like because it's a fad, lying to your face about things because they don't want to upset you or make you sad. I understand being yourself is hard to do, But it scares me when I think about people going through life pretending to enjoy it just to please those around them. Even if you do it to make someone else happy, I find it just unsatisfactory. (With that last sentence I find the need to specify that there is a time and place for everything, certain situations may call for putting up a front like not telling someone their dog died at their mothers funeral but I hope you get my meaning)

yea, i understand all that. and like it may sound harsh, but it's like i said, if i catch someone lying to me either about a super huge thing, or a ton of little things, i just can't even stand to be around them, even if they seem like they're really nice. i mean i get that everyone lies sometimes about something or another or to maybe spare someone a little or just withholds some information. but lying about petty stuff or hiding all the time, i just can't deal with that. it reminds me of little children.

I knew someone like that. So I can sort of understand where you are coming from. For me I feel that if they lie about petty things to me whether it be things,other people, events. What's to stop them about lying to others about me. If their nice that just pisses me off more, I think lying with a smile is one of the ultimate forms of deception and CAN show that they have no conscious problems with it.

yea, i'm usually pretty non-judgemental. but if you lie to me with a smile.. that's one of the worst character traits and i pretty much just write that person off. :/

I can definitely understand you speaking from my side, since i pretty much say fuck all if you don't like me then fuck off, and i fuckin hate it when people do that and end up fuckin you over.
However, sometimes things aren't so black and white for others and unless they've actually fucked me over I do my best to not judge. Its just like, i dont know their experiences and unless they are in the process of fuckin with me i don't necessarily understand why they do that. Ofc im also in the process of figuring out my own issues and stuff and i would hate to be judged for something that is not a thing i would usually do because of the trauma.

Hm you raise some points. I suppose I don't really have any mental barriers/disabilities. I'm out about everything, literally I have no secrets because I've stopped trying to impress others with being fake. And when you're on the outside looking in it can be different. I KNOW I don't understand why anyone does it though I at one point did, but looking back I just feel like I put myself through a lot of pain and bothersome bore for nothing, I wish people could just feel the way I feel about things but I know life isn't that simple.

And i can definitely get where your coming from. I have been fucked over by people who seemed to accept me and i unfortunately carry some scars from it now. And i really don't get why people do that, its shitty and i try to confront them about it. Its fuckin hard to deal with it but i always try to take things and use them as a learning experience. So it doesn't turn out to have been a waste.
Lol i actually juat had this happen where i thought i was friends with someone for 3 years and that we were just too busy to hang out. Turns out they "get a vibe" from me and are triggered by my general presence. So whatever. 3 years wasted. At least i know that i am better than that to not even tell someone that i cant stand them after so long.

Wow that does sounds like a shitty person. Would have saved you 3 years if they told you they weren't "vibing"
I don't like that perhaps the most. When people aren't honest in fear of making someone a little angry.

Ugh I love all your post you're so right. I can't stand fake people but at the same time I almost feel sorry for them because like they honestly think people like them better when they are fake. It's kinda sad honestly.

yeah, I notice people love genuine people but sometimes people are just fooled into thinking a front is real.

But when people fake themselves they usually copy a style/attitude/ect in their art or personality and people find that attractive...for a time. But shit will always hit the fan as things go.

I agree with you. There is a certain degree of pity involved in people who put up a front. I wish people wound understand how freeing it is just to be yourself. How you just stop caring what people think about your colored hair, Dress style, piercings, Sassy attitude. The fake or people that are bad for you just kind of fold away and you are left with the best kind of people. The ones who aren't afraid to change you for the best the ones that will tell you when your wrong and support you when your right not just blindly support you and white knight.

I never pretended to be someone else xD
I'm an annoying, loud voiced little freak and I love it xD
but yeah I totally know a whooole bunch of pretenders xD