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TMI thing, but it doesn't expire...?
8 years ago
So I see people doing a TMI tuesday thing where you get to ask them anything you want, even sensitive things. I think I will do one but since it is Saturday, and not Tuesday, as long as this journal is here, you can ask me whatever you want, and I will give you my best answer. I may decline to answer some questions though XD but I will consider answering every single one. I'll just leave this right here...
Ask me anything you've ever wanted to know.. (About me, ... or wolves)
Ask me anything you've ever wanted to know.. (About me, ... or wolves)
When I was 14 years old I literally died in a hospital and I was held in the Arms of God... Every fiber of my very being was completely and totally saturated in the very, purest, warmest, most beautiful definition of the word Love. When i felt myself slipping back to Earth, or life, or whatever (my body) I remember remembering all the abuse i was suffering at the time and I begged God not to put me back there (here) but He said I had to go back.
To this day (some) women are irresistibly attracted to me.Two married women that I know of have said they loved me or tried to get into my pants. I ask God why this is and I think it's because part of His Love is still intertwined with my existence. Women subconsciously see it and are attracted to it like moths to a flame, because people just want to be loved. Oh and some guys have come after me too. And animals usually love me. Maybe for this reason?
I didn't use to be a decent person, in fact I was a bad guy. At one point in my life I was a violent drug dealer. People were actually scared of me! But through many terrible, painful, and difficult life trials, two near fatal drug overdoses, God has shaped me into the man I am today, and I can't take a lot of credit if any at all, because I am just walking in what God has laid before me.
The worldly view in it's most shallow is to date to see if you can stand to be around each other, have sex as soon as you can, and see if there's "Something there."
At best you wait a while before sex and establish a foundation, which is hopefully good enough for the rest of your marriage/relationship.
The Christian view is slightly more complicated.
We believe that we were once in Paradise, but were expelled because of sin. In paradise we had intimate fellowship with each other, as well as God, but after we sinned, we forfeited our right to that. It also opened us up to malevolent forces that had rebelled in Heaven.
So here we are, in a damaged world, with total free will (Which is why people hurt each other) do to what we want. We have negative forces aligned against us.
Life damages people. It ruins hopes, hearts, and love.
Love for a Christian that follows Biblical principals, to minimize pain and sorrow, you should marry a fellow believer (But there are allowances if you don't) and you should not have sex outside of marriage, which is actually a great thing.
Outside of marriage it can permanently bond you to the wrong person. Inside of marriage, if you took the time to get to know the other person, and you know that is the person God has for you, sex will be an incredible bonding tool, sort of the cherry on top of the sundae, rather than a cheap bonding agent that makes you fall (Catch feelings) for someone who will ultimately make you miserable. It can also give you and STD and a pregnancy, too, so it's best to be married, because condoms do fail.
About love, to answer your question, it is hard fought and hard won. It can be difficult, painful, and can suck all the joy out of your heart, but in the end it is consistency, and having an established love that you can fall back on.
In practice, it is repetition, a pleasant familiarity, such as, this person will be home when I get home, and there is a part of me that desires to be around them.
God gave us souls, and spirits, and every single soul and spirit is different. Some souls and spirits are like oil and vinnegar and they do not get along. Ever consider spending your life with the most annoying person you have ever met? That's because you are not compatible.
But have you ever considered spending the rest of your life with a woman who is so soft, so tender, who adores you, who would never hurt you and instead wants to please you and make you happy... Yes she can be angry, or mean, or whatever, but in her core, her heart loves you, loves who you are, what you represent, she loves you as a person.
She sees your spirit and it is beautiful to her. She cannot live without you. (Plus if you do it right and get married, hopefully you waited for sex, and then WOWZA you get to have sex with her, too! Amazing! Because sex feels great! WHich is why sexual compatibility is such a lie, because men have wieners and women have the other thing, and one fits in the other, and when rubbed together, good feelings ensue... It's not like men have to walk around asking potential mates if they have vaginas...)
Men must keep in mind that women are the weaker sex, and get over the idea that we are equal. We are NOT equal. If we were equals then why would we want another version of ourselves? Women are not better than men and men are not better than women. When a woman wants to be treated like an equal, what she means is she wants to be valued, and respected. Women should be valued and respected anyway... Feminists just want to be treated the way men should be treating them anyway, but you can never demand respect.
This world is dominated by physical strength and violence, so men have the upper hand in this arena.
However, God created men to crave the affections of women, and while most men search only for a warm place to put their hot dogs, in truth, they really want the devotion and affection of a woman. God also put a desire in women to feel safe and protected, especially by their man. So a woman has the ability to destroy a man... Emotionally, inside his heart, causing scars that can last a lifetime and cause crippling insecurities that can plague a man for decades. Consider what a man can do to a woman... Nothing that bad!!
Although society says that women are the sensitive ones, I have been told that men are the sensitive ones (Although everyone is an individual). Keep this in mind...
Above all, maintain a sense of eternal gratitude for the woman who may come into your path. Be grateful for her. Be grateful for her words, every little thing she does for you, because without her, you would not have any of that. Be grateful for how she makes you feel, and be sensitive to it! Be vulnerable to her, at all times. Let her hurt you and carry no memory of it. DO not seek revenge when she wrongs you, and she will wrong you. Be patient... Be grateful she is in your life, because without her you would be alone.
Shower her with gifts, with unexpected kindnesses, because it matters. Consider her heart above all things, ALL THINGS!!! Even your own safety and comfort. Devote yourself to her, but keep it healthy. Do not worship her because no-one is a god, but give her her due adoration, respect, and loyalty.
Keep her happy because she holds your heart in her hands. It does you no good to be with her if you refuse to give her your heart and be vulnerable. Yes, that means she can crush it. But it also means she can touch it and make you feel like a king.
"Baby don't hurt me..."
There has been so much sorrow, so much struggling, and yes, a lot of joy, too. Is it worth it... Thus far in life, well, I am going thru a breakup that is lingering and dragging on and she lives on the ranch i live on so it's like rubbing salt in the wound, so right now, I am inclined towards the negative, I struggle so much in so many things and it seems like I get so little rest...
Some days yes, some days no... I hate to put it that way, but I have had a hard life.
Mine continues to not be particularly fun either.
When I was growing up, I did not get feel much love from my fellow man, I was picked on and bullied by my peers, and people were doing things to me as a child that twisted my idea of sexuality pretty bad. Naturally as a male I sought the bonding of physical intimacy. I got into some aberrant sexual behaviors, and pornography, things that I now acknowledge as extremely unhealthy.
In pursuing that type of pronography in my early teens, I am kind of ashamed to admit that it brought me into furry pornography. I am such an age now, as to remember the beginning o the furry fandom, and unfortunately it was the adult side of the fandom that got me into it. I eventually became thoroughly addicted to furry porn, until it came to a head with extreme anxiety, depression, and a feeling that I was going down an unhealthy road.
Years ago I decided to stop looking at adult art, and it has been a struggle, but I have overcome it, I am not a slave to it as I once was.
Some times when we fall into a sin, or pit, or trap, be it drugs, or pornography, excessive video game use, o whatever it may be, a total cessation fo those activities may be necessary, alcoholic may choose to never touch another drop of alcohol.
But I sought God and I was shown that it wasn't even the sexual side of anthros that called to me, but rather, their innocence in what they represent. The harmless chastity of an animal with the personality and heart of mankind. An irresistible combination to someone who has had a damaged and hurting heart, who craves affection and purity, two things not often found in this world.
Though it has been a very twisted and winding road, and I am still working on it. I am glad to say I appreciate anthros for the spirit in which they are drawn, clean art, capturing the beauty and innocence that we crave, but that are not often found in this world, with the intellect and maturity of a human being.