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18+ MATURE Where I stand in "Furry"
4 years ago
What an interesting and awful but edifying few months it's been lately.
I am letting go of the majority of my religious presuppositions. To some that might be terrifying, and perhaps disappointing.
In embracing myself, in every dark crack of my brokenness as a human being living in this broken, fallen world, this includes a full embrace of my sexuality, and, yes, even lived out through fictional anthropomorphic animal people.
Presently I am discovering as Paul said, all things are lawful, and in embracing all things, I am discovering what is beneficial. As I have said this journey is not for the coward, and takes more faith in God than the "Narrow way". (Sorry for the religious talk it's my belief religion gives God a bad name, this journal is NOT for religious talk, I'll make another one if people want to discuss that called RELIGIOUS JOURNAL, this one is for discussing the furry fandom.)
OKAY. Moving on.
To me, the furry fandom, in its essence, is pure, innocent, kind and loving. If animal people were as capable of the awful atrocities the human race nearly continually commits, what would be the point? That's being human with extra steps. Ew. No. We definitely would not let our vulnerable developing children watch them as cartoons, as healthy parents seek to bring a child to maturity with a temperance of exposing them to the pain of life while at the same time shielding them from it long enough (Give and take) for them to maturely accept and adapt.
Now. As most of us know, every single "Perversion" (I add the quotes because I view perversion as a broken persons attempt to cope with the desire for/act of act of sexual congress, and the desires inherent with most human beings.) that has ever existed in the hearts of the human race has been drawn in furry/anthro form, and if it is not true yet, it will definitely be true tomorrow.
I have seen some things... This fandom has repulsed me, to my core, but thankfully it blesses me far, far more often. (Nearly every day, actually.)
However, it is beneficial for the soul if one views what disturbs them as the trauma and brokenness of an innocent person who has been damaged with no healing answers- in the form of an artful expression. Oftentimes, the most damaged people are the ones who draw the most beautiful art! Bless them for their service to mankind.
In the eyes and forms of the anthro animal person, I see purity, love, sometimes anger, but I see a world not cursed by the endless toil and trauma of this present age. I see, in their eyes, what you could call... "Heaven."
Having worked with real-life wolves, who came with a certificate of authenticity from the wild, and truly appreciating the common canine (dog) I have come to realize something wonderful. Anyone who has ever lifted the lips of their family dog was likely shocked to see the teeth of a perfect killing machine, every calcified tooth harder than a nail, and designed for truly terrible things.
Except, we know our doggos as creatures of pure unconditional love... How is this so?!? I believe by nature of possessing such an arsenal, by being capable of unspeakable acts of violence, that the canine has said, in their heart, "I will not use my weapons for their intended purpose. I will, instead, love this human with the pure love of the Creator, and protect them with my life gladly. I only ask that you feed me."
What an unspeakably wonderful transaction. The trading of inexpensive dog-food for the unconditional love of a potential killer.
How splendid.
Thusly, when I imagine my animal people (I have written many novels on them, my beloved Naakaanee people, I will post some of them soon. I have decided to offer them free of charge here, and for pay on Amazon, so you if you enjoy them and decide to want to pay me you can- or if you do not wish to or cannot, you can still enjoy them. I hope they are enjoyable. Ok. Moving on.) I imagine them being created by God, fucking up like we did (It actually was gods plan all along but I'll save that for the other journal) and getting booted out of paradise...
And, these animal people discovering how hungry, horny, and angry they were, well. Got kind of rapey and murdery. Except, they quickly realized that the womenfolk had the same daggers and knives under their lips as the dudes, and, in time, they began to realize that, while they are all armed to the teeth (OK pun intended) maybe, instead of killing each other, and trying to rape the females, instead, they could do, oh, you know, NOT THAT.
Instead, they could plant and raise crops to feed their community, court one another in gentle celibacy, nurture and raise their children with love and compassion, train up the young men (And females if they desire it) to be tough protectors of said society from those who have not yet learned the righteousness of peace. (And must sometimes be taught it at the edge of a sword)
What a dynamic that would be, right??
And here on FA we get to taste it. This is why animal people will never not be beautiful to me. It's not only their form, but what they represent.
Something truly wonderful, existence with love as a dynamic.
PORN!!!
What about the porn, Dave?!?
I'm glad you asked!
As someone who was addicted to porn for many years, I can add my understanding, take it, or leave it. The porn is as equally beautiful to me. What? How? Because sexuality was designed by the creator to be the most spiritually intimate acts two human beings can engage in. (How often we fall so dazzlingly short of its majesty, lawlll) It is as powerful to complete people just the same as it is fragile, corruptible, and able to destroy countless people who desire it's perfection, oftentimes never to experience at all. (Very sad.)
So. You put the furry dynamic into the mix, and what you get is something beautiful, where weirdos like me can explore the things that are rejected by society as dirty and filthy. But, trust me when I say, my 621 blacklist is quite large! My tastes are more vanilla-ish but still kind weird. (Fuck yeah)
SOCIETY AND SHAME
As mankind is so fond of doing, (Forgetting history is one of our favorite things, sadly) we shame deviants into nicely packed boxes of guilt and rejection. Why? Because two men going through the motions of making a baby isn't going to make a baby, and babies are needed to propagate society. Sorry, that's just a fact. If you say, what about adoptions, yes, true, but for that kid to be adoptable, a heterosexual union had to happen.
Take it back to tribal days when you had Bubba caveman who liked to mate with the camels. The female humans shunned (And shamed, no doubt) him, he had a bad case of worms, and when the barbarians invaded, he was too skinny to fight back and the whole tribe was lost, the men murdered, the women forced into servitude, often sexual in nature. (That sucks! Nobody wants that! I mean, except the barbarians)
So, the heteronormative narrative was created and found to be best for society. Everything- literally everything else was shunned, and rightfully so. However, by doing so, we denied our fragile existence, denied the trauma inherent in so many people, forcing them to perform and believe a lie- that the heteronormative narrative leads to happiness. It can, sure, but as we are seeing so often it ends in divorce, sadness, brokenness, and suicide, with single mother homes producing children who are far more likely to commit suicide or end up incarcerated.
Sorry, that's just the facts. I wish it were not so.
Because, by embracing what makes us weird, is what makes people truly happy, and more than mere happiness- grants us liberty and freedom. Granted, one can embrace their weirdness right into a dangerous situation, get an STD, and even be murdered because of it. However, is the person embracing their love of the same gender worse-off than the person denying it, who has children and a wife now, but after 30 years, is going to run away with the pool boy, leaving his wife devastated, and his children confused and angry?
Well, you tell me.
I have come up with a saying, "Embrace your darkness or forever be its slave". It's certainly been true for me.
THE PROBLEM
The problem can happen when a mature ass adult, wakes up on bright, sunny morning, and while looking at their FA inbox, suddenly realizes,
HORSE COCK TURNS ME ON AND IF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY EVER FIND OUT THEY WILL FUCKING KILL ME AT BEST, REJECT ME AT WORST! I MUST DELETE MY FA ACCOUNT AND FORGET I EVER ENJOYED ANIMAL PEOPLE. I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF I AM ALSO GOING TO CONTEMPLATE SUICIDE!!!
This person is committing a terrible sin against themselves, in my opinion, and is taking-on shame into their soul, denying themselves of what was designed to heal, to be enjoyed. We all do this. I am a 6'1" 200 LB ex-mercenary trained by 2 organizations and a spec ops soldier, has volunteered for intergovernmental operations and was told i was basically not coming home from, saddled up anyway, who carries a firearm, Khukuri blade on him every day, has survived 13 things that have historically killed other people, died one time (Actually went to the other realm) worked with wolves, has jumped street bikes... You get the point right?
Who likes hairy wolf-women, (And sneps, come on, sneps are gorgeous, you do you but my people are wolves and sneps) would absolutely marry one if they existed, and likes cute little chibis and puppy dogs... You're god damned right I don't let anyone in my unit know! For the fear of being shamed and laughed at! I have an anthro wolf face on my phone and yeah! I'm scared someone will call me out on it, it's always traumatizing to turn my phone on, however, the animal-person is so beautiful to me, I get lost in her eyes, I imagine her real, what she would be like, what manner of person she would be, and yes, wanting to give her some of my throat yogurt! Since I'm being honest! (I wish more people would be honest) If it "Got out" that I was a slightly gay furry it may also harm my business, upon which I rely for my survival. It also, may not. I have faith in the universe to provide for me as I embark on this fearful journey.
The irony, however, is the ones doing the laughing secretly, very likely, would absolutely rail a wolf person, if they existed, their same-desire manifesting itself as mocking. Probably not always, some people see no fruit in investing so much of themselves into what does not exist. I understand that. For me, it's worth seeing the art, gathering that dopamine, writing my novels where I get to explore myself in marvelous fantasy settings. I would die without it.
~OR~
WHY DOES THIS NAKED ANIMAL PERSON TURN ME ON?!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!!! OH MY GOD DO I WANT BESTIALITY? UHHHHHHH KILL ALL FURRIES!!! FURRIES RUIN EVERYTHING!!! BURN THE FURRIES!!! okay that naked puma girl is hot af but KILL ALL FURRIES AND PUT CHLORINE GAS IN THE VENTHILATION SYSTEM OF THE FURRY CON!!! DIEEEEE!!!!111
You know the kind. I wish people would admit to where they are at, at their stage of life. Then, those suffering in silence would have the release of not feeling so alone and alienated. THIS dynamic is robbing the young of any hope, of meaning, of their sense of priceless value as a human being. We are literally killing the next generation with our unwillingness to be honest about our innermost desires, and damning people to lives of endless self-denial, along with a system of selfish greed (It's the best we got, but still) that robs them of the hope of owning a home. They're seeing relationships decay, and losing hope for that, too. It's no wonder they're burning things down. In a way, they're absolutely right. This society has failed them spectacularly.
There's a verse in the Bible, "Take up your cross, and deny yourself..." Well, I am saying fuck that. Set that god damned thing down and love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Listen to your spirit and do not do things you do not like doing, and do things you enjoy doing, unless it harms you, someone else, an animal, of righteous society. (Cos fuck Nazi Germany if i may be honest, burn that shit down, top tier clowns with guns, doing clown things. Sadly, I fear we are headed for those days yet again, and by those very individuals who cry for sexual freedom.) And if that offends you keep in mind the Bible also says at some point in the "End days" Gods Grace will be poured out on all flesh, that includes gay/you/literally everyone and everything.
As I have said exploring my sexuality, if the condom breaks I may end up with an incurable disease that, at best, takes 8 years off of my life, and perhaps right after that experience I meet the woman of my dreams who would complete me and was sent to me by the universe. So one could certainly wreck themselves. So love yourself... Safely. Some things aren't worth the repercussions my friends. Many men have bottomed for the first time, found it very painful, and ended up with HIV. Some might consider the reward for that to be insufficient for the result.
I have battled with the immorality of the furry dynamic and especially the enjoyment of the porn. I have fasted from the fandom, wrestled with God over it, which hilariously God was telling me all along he literally put the desires for the fandom (The core of them) in my soul, it is literally a part of my dna by Gods design... God has even used some of my writing to wake up parts of my heterosexuality that were seared-shut as a child who was raped and abused by men and women both. God used that same story (The first sex scene I wrote after writing a bunch of other novels and trying not to allow my characters who deeply loved one another, to F U C K) to tell me the wolf-woman (Genetically created from real wolf DNA in that particular novel) if one molecule of lupine essence existed in her love-tunnel the human man was loving, that if it was wolf, technically it WAS bestiality, and maybe I should keep my Naakaanee people God-breathed and not genetically engineered as I explored once!
Alright so I am straying from the point again.
It is my personal belief that there is quite a bit of dysfunction within the fandom, and we are holding ourselves back quite a bit. There is a bit of a lack of maturity, too, but that's really only people embracing their inner child. My inner child carries a battle rifle.
I will forever love this fandom, and be grateful to the creators of the art who bring bits of light into my life. (The first 40 years of my life were spent in fire and blood and pain, as I embrace myself the darkness gets penetrated)
The embracing of myself has gone from OH MY GOD I, A FILTHY SINNER JUST WATCHED TWO MALE ANTHROS TRY AND MAKE A BABY OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME
to...
Wow, that's hot AF, think I'll have a nice fap, and move on with my day.
and
CRIPPLING LONELINESS AND EXISTENTIAL DREAD
vs.
Eh, it would be nice to be in a relationship with someone, literally 5 people want to exchange throat yogurt, (I, quite literally could get laid in probably an hour, maybe more lol, women have always liked me and it's almost annoying) a handful of female humans would as well, I'll just roll with it as I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship (Waiting for the universe say it's cool or not cos L O R D K N O W S I'm kinda fucked up, and I dun wanna hurt a woman like I ended up hurting my ex fiancee, there's enough suffering in this world without me adding to it!!!)
Doing what I desire to do, literally writing 5 more novels at once and pouring my heart into every one, financially terrified (My spirit sometimes won't answer the phone. He also likes alcohol a LOT!!! Liquid joy is hard to resist, let me tell you.) but trusting the universe, if I lose everything I lose everything and get the joy of starting again. Or, living comfortably in my van. It takes a LOT of faith to trust the universe. Loving the furry art here and the 621, exploring the how and why of my love of the fandom, how I maturely feel about animal people in the realm of if they existed, exploring the secrets of the universe, life, and love. Discovering love for other human beings, that ties into loving myself =)
Remember something, you are a precious individual creation. Or, a precious result of a type of divine evolution, a piece of a puzzle that is onward to perfection, without your individual piece the puzzle could not go on, you are life and the universe itself. (If you don't want to believe in God or the universe or the sacred spaghetti monster, may his divine tentacles touch you and give you meatballs... I guess)
THE CONCLUSION
I love the fandom. I have Z E R O desire to want to BE an anthro. Imagine being able to smell farts 1,000 times better. Getting your tail slammed in doors constantly. Having to call me (A plumber) to constantly clean your drains because of the hair. (LOL imagine plumbing the shower drain in 4" ABS HAHA) In a human setting, you then get to deal with people hating you because you're different, or, perhaps, anthros are so completely different they won't be hated at all.
I have found y'all to be kind and accepting. I have a place here and it feels weird and taboo. As a Christian we're supposed to "Put away childish things" not... Embrace them. But, what if your inner child being denied for so long is what's causing your anxiety? And depression? Because those things are a shadow in my life of what they once were. Truly. Embracing my demons, giving the devil a hug. TRULY seeking God, but for me, outside the walls of religion and fear. (Did I mention I actually died once and went to another realm of existence where there was no time, and God (Love, literally) soaked my spirit/soul/whatever >I< am in his pure essence (Again, the very definition of the word love?)
W E I R D
One thing I want even more than a mate, is to learn to draw better. I'm working at it, slowly. My writing is taking a beautiful new dynamic as I strive to understand my fellow man (And woman) in society and at the dog park (I'm talking about the assigned gender humans, here.) I know I am weird and fucked up but honor goes to whom puts the work in. Plumbers don't have scalpels for a reason if you get my drift. And, this is not a cowards journey, they never take the next step. That would require more faith than they have.
Truly, truly I have SO MUCH i want to draw and put on paper. Art-wise. Wow, it's 1 o clock, 13:00. I really must get on with my day.
I am letting go of the majority of my religious presuppositions. To some that might be terrifying, and perhaps disappointing.
In embracing myself, in every dark crack of my brokenness as a human being living in this broken, fallen world, this includes a full embrace of my sexuality, and, yes, even lived out through fictional anthropomorphic animal people.
Presently I am discovering as Paul said, all things are lawful, and in embracing all things, I am discovering what is beneficial. As I have said this journey is not for the coward, and takes more faith in God than the "Narrow way". (Sorry for the religious talk it's my belief religion gives God a bad name, this journal is NOT for religious talk, I'll make another one if people want to discuss that called RELIGIOUS JOURNAL, this one is for discussing the furry fandom.)
OKAY. Moving on.
To me, the furry fandom, in its essence, is pure, innocent, kind and loving. If animal people were as capable of the awful atrocities the human race nearly continually commits, what would be the point? That's being human with extra steps. Ew. No. We definitely would not let our vulnerable developing children watch them as cartoons, as healthy parents seek to bring a child to maturity with a temperance of exposing them to the pain of life while at the same time shielding them from it long enough (Give and take) for them to maturely accept and adapt.
Now. As most of us know, every single "Perversion" (I add the quotes because I view perversion as a broken persons attempt to cope with the desire for/act of act of sexual congress, and the desires inherent with most human beings.) that has ever existed in the hearts of the human race has been drawn in furry/anthro form, and if it is not true yet, it will definitely be true tomorrow.
I have seen some things... This fandom has repulsed me, to my core, but thankfully it blesses me far, far more often. (Nearly every day, actually.)
However, it is beneficial for the soul if one views what disturbs them as the trauma and brokenness of an innocent person who has been damaged with no healing answers- in the form of an artful expression. Oftentimes, the most damaged people are the ones who draw the most beautiful art! Bless them for their service to mankind.
In the eyes and forms of the anthro animal person, I see purity, love, sometimes anger, but I see a world not cursed by the endless toil and trauma of this present age. I see, in their eyes, what you could call... "Heaven."
Having worked with real-life wolves, who came with a certificate of authenticity from the wild, and truly appreciating the common canine (dog) I have come to realize something wonderful. Anyone who has ever lifted the lips of their family dog was likely shocked to see the teeth of a perfect killing machine, every calcified tooth harder than a nail, and designed for truly terrible things.
Except, we know our doggos as creatures of pure unconditional love... How is this so?!? I believe by nature of possessing such an arsenal, by being capable of unspeakable acts of violence, that the canine has said, in their heart, "I will not use my weapons for their intended purpose. I will, instead, love this human with the pure love of the Creator, and protect them with my life gladly. I only ask that you feed me."
What an unspeakably wonderful transaction. The trading of inexpensive dog-food for the unconditional love of a potential killer.
How splendid.
Thusly, when I imagine my animal people (I have written many novels on them, my beloved Naakaanee people, I will post some of them soon. I have decided to offer them free of charge here, and for pay on Amazon, so you if you enjoy them and decide to want to pay me you can- or if you do not wish to or cannot, you can still enjoy them. I hope they are enjoyable. Ok. Moving on.) I imagine them being created by God, fucking up like we did (It actually was gods plan all along but I'll save that for the other journal) and getting booted out of paradise...
And, these animal people discovering how hungry, horny, and angry they were, well. Got kind of rapey and murdery. Except, they quickly realized that the womenfolk had the same daggers and knives under their lips as the dudes, and, in time, they began to realize that, while they are all armed to the teeth (OK pun intended) maybe, instead of killing each other, and trying to rape the females, instead, they could do, oh, you know, NOT THAT.
Instead, they could plant and raise crops to feed their community, court one another in gentle celibacy, nurture and raise their children with love and compassion, train up the young men (And females if they desire it) to be tough protectors of said society from those who have not yet learned the righteousness of peace. (And must sometimes be taught it at the edge of a sword)
What a dynamic that would be, right??
And here on FA we get to taste it. This is why animal people will never not be beautiful to me. It's not only their form, but what they represent.
Something truly wonderful, existence with love as a dynamic.
PORN!!!
What about the porn, Dave?!?
I'm glad you asked!
As someone who was addicted to porn for many years, I can add my understanding, take it, or leave it. The porn is as equally beautiful to me. What? How? Because sexuality was designed by the creator to be the most spiritually intimate acts two human beings can engage in. (How often we fall so dazzlingly short of its majesty, lawlll) It is as powerful to complete people just the same as it is fragile, corruptible, and able to destroy countless people who desire it's perfection, oftentimes never to experience at all. (Very sad.)
So. You put the furry dynamic into the mix, and what you get is something beautiful, where weirdos like me can explore the things that are rejected by society as dirty and filthy. But, trust me when I say, my 621 blacklist is quite large! My tastes are more vanilla-ish but still kind weird. (Fuck yeah)
SOCIETY AND SHAME
As mankind is so fond of doing, (Forgetting history is one of our favorite things, sadly) we shame deviants into nicely packed boxes of guilt and rejection. Why? Because two men going through the motions of making a baby isn't going to make a baby, and babies are needed to propagate society. Sorry, that's just a fact. If you say, what about adoptions, yes, true, but for that kid to be adoptable, a heterosexual union had to happen.
Take it back to tribal days when you had Bubba caveman who liked to mate with the camels. The female humans shunned (And shamed, no doubt) him, he had a bad case of worms, and when the barbarians invaded, he was too skinny to fight back and the whole tribe was lost, the men murdered, the women forced into servitude, often sexual in nature. (That sucks! Nobody wants that! I mean, except the barbarians)
So, the heteronormative narrative was created and found to be best for society. Everything- literally everything else was shunned, and rightfully so. However, by doing so, we denied our fragile existence, denied the trauma inherent in so many people, forcing them to perform and believe a lie- that the heteronormative narrative leads to happiness. It can, sure, but as we are seeing so often it ends in divorce, sadness, brokenness, and suicide, with single mother homes producing children who are far more likely to commit suicide or end up incarcerated.
Sorry, that's just the facts. I wish it were not so.
Because, by embracing what makes us weird, is what makes people truly happy, and more than mere happiness- grants us liberty and freedom. Granted, one can embrace their weirdness right into a dangerous situation, get an STD, and even be murdered because of it. However, is the person embracing their love of the same gender worse-off than the person denying it, who has children and a wife now, but after 30 years, is going to run away with the pool boy, leaving his wife devastated, and his children confused and angry?
Well, you tell me.
I have come up with a saying, "Embrace your darkness or forever be its slave". It's certainly been true for me.
THE PROBLEM
The problem can happen when a mature ass adult, wakes up on bright, sunny morning, and while looking at their FA inbox, suddenly realizes,
HORSE COCK TURNS ME ON AND IF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY EVER FIND OUT THEY WILL FUCKING KILL ME AT BEST, REJECT ME AT WORST! I MUST DELETE MY FA ACCOUNT AND FORGET I EVER ENJOYED ANIMAL PEOPLE. I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF I AM ALSO GOING TO CONTEMPLATE SUICIDE!!!
This person is committing a terrible sin against themselves, in my opinion, and is taking-on shame into their soul, denying themselves of what was designed to heal, to be enjoyed. We all do this. I am a 6'1" 200 LB ex-mercenary trained by 2 organizations and a spec ops soldier, has volunteered for intergovernmental operations and was told i was basically not coming home from, saddled up anyway, who carries a firearm, Khukuri blade on him every day, has survived 13 things that have historically killed other people, died one time (Actually went to the other realm) worked with wolves, has jumped street bikes... You get the point right?
Who likes hairy wolf-women, (And sneps, come on, sneps are gorgeous, you do you but my people are wolves and sneps) would absolutely marry one if they existed, and likes cute little chibis and puppy dogs... You're god damned right I don't let anyone in my unit know! For the fear of being shamed and laughed at! I have an anthro wolf face on my phone and yeah! I'm scared someone will call me out on it, it's always traumatizing to turn my phone on, however, the animal-person is so beautiful to me, I get lost in her eyes, I imagine her real, what she would be like, what manner of person she would be, and yes, wanting to give her some of my throat yogurt! Since I'm being honest! (I wish more people would be honest) If it "Got out" that I was a slightly gay furry it may also harm my business, upon which I rely for my survival. It also, may not. I have faith in the universe to provide for me as I embark on this fearful journey.
The irony, however, is the ones doing the laughing secretly, very likely, would absolutely rail a wolf person, if they existed, their same-desire manifesting itself as mocking. Probably not always, some people see no fruit in investing so much of themselves into what does not exist. I understand that. For me, it's worth seeing the art, gathering that dopamine, writing my novels where I get to explore myself in marvelous fantasy settings. I would die without it.
~OR~
WHY DOES THIS NAKED ANIMAL PERSON TURN ME ON?!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!!! OH MY GOD DO I WANT BESTIALITY? UHHHHHHH KILL ALL FURRIES!!! FURRIES RUIN EVERYTHING!!! BURN THE FURRIES!!! okay that naked puma girl is hot af but KILL ALL FURRIES AND PUT CHLORINE GAS IN THE VENTHILATION SYSTEM OF THE FURRY CON!!! DIEEEEE!!!!111
You know the kind. I wish people would admit to where they are at, at their stage of life. Then, those suffering in silence would have the release of not feeling so alone and alienated. THIS dynamic is robbing the young of any hope, of meaning, of their sense of priceless value as a human being. We are literally killing the next generation with our unwillingness to be honest about our innermost desires, and damning people to lives of endless self-denial, along with a system of selfish greed (It's the best we got, but still) that robs them of the hope of owning a home. They're seeing relationships decay, and losing hope for that, too. It's no wonder they're burning things down. In a way, they're absolutely right. This society has failed them spectacularly.
There's a verse in the Bible, "Take up your cross, and deny yourself..." Well, I am saying fuck that. Set that god damned thing down and love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Listen to your spirit and do not do things you do not like doing, and do things you enjoy doing, unless it harms you, someone else, an animal, of righteous society. (Cos fuck Nazi Germany if i may be honest, burn that shit down, top tier clowns with guns, doing clown things. Sadly, I fear we are headed for those days yet again, and by those very individuals who cry for sexual freedom.) And if that offends you keep in mind the Bible also says at some point in the "End days" Gods Grace will be poured out on all flesh, that includes gay/you/literally everyone and everything.
As I have said exploring my sexuality, if the condom breaks I may end up with an incurable disease that, at best, takes 8 years off of my life, and perhaps right after that experience I meet the woman of my dreams who would complete me and was sent to me by the universe. So one could certainly wreck themselves. So love yourself... Safely. Some things aren't worth the repercussions my friends. Many men have bottomed for the first time, found it very painful, and ended up with HIV. Some might consider the reward for that to be insufficient for the result.
I have battled with the immorality of the furry dynamic and especially the enjoyment of the porn. I have fasted from the fandom, wrestled with God over it, which hilariously God was telling me all along he literally put the desires for the fandom (The core of them) in my soul, it is literally a part of my dna by Gods design... God has even used some of my writing to wake up parts of my heterosexuality that were seared-shut as a child who was raped and abused by men and women both. God used that same story (The first sex scene I wrote after writing a bunch of other novels and trying not to allow my characters who deeply loved one another, to F U C K) to tell me the wolf-woman (Genetically created from real wolf DNA in that particular novel) if one molecule of lupine essence existed in her love-tunnel the human man was loving, that if it was wolf, technically it WAS bestiality, and maybe I should keep my Naakaanee people God-breathed and not genetically engineered as I explored once!
Alright so I am straying from the point again.
It is my personal belief that there is quite a bit of dysfunction within the fandom, and we are holding ourselves back quite a bit. There is a bit of a lack of maturity, too, but that's really only people embracing their inner child. My inner child carries a battle rifle.
I will forever love this fandom, and be grateful to the creators of the art who bring bits of light into my life. (The first 40 years of my life were spent in fire and blood and pain, as I embrace myself the darkness gets penetrated)
The embracing of myself has gone from OH MY GOD I, A FILTHY SINNER JUST WATCHED TWO MALE ANTHROS TRY AND MAKE A BABY OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME
to...
Wow, that's hot AF, think I'll have a nice fap, and move on with my day.
and
CRIPPLING LONELINESS AND EXISTENTIAL DREAD
vs.
Eh, it would be nice to be in a relationship with someone, literally 5 people want to exchange throat yogurt, (I, quite literally could get laid in probably an hour, maybe more lol, women have always liked me and it's almost annoying) a handful of female humans would as well, I'll just roll with it as I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship (Waiting for the universe say it's cool or not cos L O R D K N O W S I'm kinda fucked up, and I dun wanna hurt a woman like I ended up hurting my ex fiancee, there's enough suffering in this world without me adding to it!!!)
Doing what I desire to do, literally writing 5 more novels at once and pouring my heart into every one, financially terrified (My spirit sometimes won't answer the phone. He also likes alcohol a LOT!!! Liquid joy is hard to resist, let me tell you.) but trusting the universe, if I lose everything I lose everything and get the joy of starting again. Or, living comfortably in my van. It takes a LOT of faith to trust the universe. Loving the furry art here and the 621, exploring the how and why of my love of the fandom, how I maturely feel about animal people in the realm of if they existed, exploring the secrets of the universe, life, and love. Discovering love for other human beings, that ties into loving myself =)
Remember something, you are a precious individual creation. Or, a precious result of a type of divine evolution, a piece of a puzzle that is onward to perfection, without your individual piece the puzzle could not go on, you are life and the universe itself. (If you don't want to believe in God or the universe or the sacred spaghetti monster, may his divine tentacles touch you and give you meatballs... I guess)
THE CONCLUSION
I love the fandom. I have Z E R O desire to want to BE an anthro. Imagine being able to smell farts 1,000 times better. Getting your tail slammed in doors constantly. Having to call me (A plumber) to constantly clean your drains because of the hair. (LOL imagine plumbing the shower drain in 4" ABS HAHA) In a human setting, you then get to deal with people hating you because you're different, or, perhaps, anthros are so completely different they won't be hated at all.
I have found y'all to be kind and accepting. I have a place here and it feels weird and taboo. As a Christian we're supposed to "Put away childish things" not... Embrace them. But, what if your inner child being denied for so long is what's causing your anxiety? And depression? Because those things are a shadow in my life of what they once were. Truly. Embracing my demons, giving the devil a hug. TRULY seeking God, but for me, outside the walls of religion and fear. (Did I mention I actually died once and went to another realm of existence where there was no time, and God (Love, literally) soaked my spirit/soul/whatever >I< am in his pure essence (Again, the very definition of the word love?)
W E I R D
One thing I want even more than a mate, is to learn to draw better. I'm working at it, slowly. My writing is taking a beautiful new dynamic as I strive to understand my fellow man (And woman) in society and at the dog park (I'm talking about the assigned gender humans, here.) I know I am weird and fucked up but honor goes to whom puts the work in. Plumbers don't have scalpels for a reason if you get my drift. And, this is not a cowards journey, they never take the next step. That would require more faith than they have.
Truly, truly I have SO MUCH i want to draw and put on paper. Art-wise. Wow, it's 1 o clock, 13:00. I really must get on with my day.
I hope nothing but the best for you on your journey (hugz)
- Xi Yao
Serious note though. I am also thankful, in a strange way, that anthropomorphic beings are not a part of our current reality. I could not bear to see the destruction of such things within the walls of this corrupt reality. The fact that it exists only outside of this realm is ... comforting to me. Out there they are safe and sound. Locked securely within the arms and thoughts of the Creator. Waiting patiently for the day when we are ready. Ready for something more than just endlessly fighting.
One day I had the strangest thought: "More terrible than seeing a heart exposed is seeing a heart stop." If not for FMA (and Revenge of the Sith) I probably wouldn't have had that thought.
I'm not usually active on FA anymore, only visiting every now and again whenever I feel like frying my brain (which is very rare).
Not sure what to make of your account, but I don't like seeing people suffer so maybe my ramblings might assist.
Since you've been so open with your personal thoughts on here for so long, and therefore invited the personal thoughts of other people, let me tell you a couple of things that became apparent to me in the 24 plus years of hanging around the furry fandom, and how it relates to people:
You're not the one in control of the furry fandom, but it's big enough for you to perceive it in a way that satisfies your personal and natural human weaknesses, and just like any other form of distraction, too much of it will become harmful in multiple ways. The furry fandom is approximately as pure, innocent, kind and loving as any other fandom there is - there is nothing special about it, you're just CHOOSING to feel that way about the fandom.
It seems that you're screaming out for anything that focuses your attention AWAY from the world and thoughts inside and around you, which you feel you have no control over. As a result, you're apparently clutching at anything that may serve such a distracting purpose - this includes not only the furry fandom, but also relationships, booze, fads, perceivably-allowed anger towards predetermined bogeymen, immorality and dare I say, even clutching at animals/pets and religion. You know that is not a recipe for long-term success.
The human race would commit far fewer atrocities if people within it weren't influenced by powerful external dark and evil forces. It seems you are too easily dismissing actual and real mankind and humanity, because of apparent failures at combating the (metaphorical) demons clawing at you and everyone else - many of which demons you may have even invited into your own life. How can you defend others (family, friends, community, beyond, etc.) of what you cannot defend yourself from? Are you dismissing everyone else, the same way that you have possibly begun to dismiss yourself?
This is not being said to put you down, because everyone has different strengths, weaknesses and life situations - but focusing and listening to natural, human but transient weaknesses over their more robust strengths is a dangerous thing to do.
There is NOTHING beneficial in viewing perversions - they are expressions of weakness, failure and an entrance into darkness.
You are becoming the metaphorical moth, and teaching yourself to love the flame. Like a battered spouse you are teaching yourself to love your enemy, perhaps because you haven't been able to walk away from it. These "damaged people" you talk of could have all kinds of innocent blood on their (then wicked) hands, or they could just be burning themselves out like you seem to, or they could be anything else on the spectrum of humanity.
It's self-serving for you to LABEL a group of people - no matter what the label - based on the way their artistic expressions make YOU feel. You are dividing and putting diverse people into categories that serve only your own interests - interests which revolve around trying to explain and justify your "loving the flame".
Animals, in this case dogs, are not "perfect killing machines" - they are adapted for finding, hunting, and eating food within their scope and environment, so that they may continue their multi-faceted roles (which often transcend these basic needs) in the greater cycle of life, death and evolution/growth. The dog's teeth are just as terrible (or not terrible) as their ears, nose, paws and other anatomical features. It's a lot simpler and efficient than you make it out to be. An insect can be just as terrible. I know what point you're trying to make, but there are far more creatures on the planet capable of creating both hurt and love - humans, for example. Humans require more work, but it's worth the effort regardless, even when it ends in failure.
Moving on... You are descending into justifying the acceptance of the darkness that you've historically been trying to escape, by focusing on, simplifying and then overemphasising the everyday human failures that can happen in ANYONE'S life, and then attaching these failures X1000 only to the people you're increasingly unable to connect with. This is an attack which you are launching, against your own natural desire to be social - being social is something that the vast majority of people actually want.
The shame example you're talking about almost never happens IRL, especially to the extent you mentioned. You're inflating it and making it more real, because it makes you feel better. To keep up this illusion, you might even start enforcing a distorted view of reality upon other people, especially increasingly younger and defenseless/weakened people.
Some of the most viciously-armed and trained-to-kill people, became lethal to try and usurp or hide their deeply-rooted insecurities - they usually fail, and then begin to usurp everyone else. These people then become inhuman monsters.
It seems like you've begun to give up on saving yourself, and now you're starting to impose an increasingly-unrealistic view of reality onto those YOU deem "alienated" - who are YOU to judge and do this, and who are YOU to decide and reduce the manifold problems facing mankind and humanity (in other words, everybody else), to something along the lines of "NOT giving in to darkness being the cause of misery in the world". This is a full-blown inversion of reality, and a marker of psychopathy. "War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength." Run away from any amount of such reasoning - it's pure insanity, to be rejected at all cost!
You "love" this fandom, perhaps because you grab from it the things which make the temporarily-weaker parts of you feel better, and apparently having increasingly given up on actual love, life and light, you take from the fandom the opposites: depravity, decay and darkness. If you so much support the embracing of such negative things you find in the furry fandom you love, it's not exactly a good advertisement and reflection of the fandom. Just sayin'.
By the way, after you reading this, do I ALSO belong to these "precious individual creations" you're addressing, or do I need to have satanic BDSM sadist torture art in my gallery to qualify? What about two anthro stallions violently rupturing each other's colons in a fit of ecstasy, would that do?
The only reason why I'm bothering to write this, is because I've read some of your (much) older journals and found myself agreeing with a good amount of what you've said, but especially because clearly you've continually made efforts at moving away from darkness, rather than embracing it - something that I notice and support wherever I find it.
Most of all though, I'm starting to worry that you may end up either being featured on the corrupt media as an example of why Christianity, pet ownership and the Second Amendment must finally be dismantled forever to make way for "glorious" communist rule and genocide, or suiciding in a gory manner. In either scenario your poor dogs will end up dying a miserable death as well.
As caretaker of said dogs, it would be bad for you to end up like that. :P
You clearly appear prone to further abuse by evil, becoming its puppet and believing such a thing is actually freedom. It looks like you're beginning to choose which of the many-flavoured poisonous lies being inflicted upon mankind and humanity, to take on and then possibly even begin inflicting upon others yourself as a natural progression of their acceptance. It seems you were a lot stronger and better at detecting and rejecting these lies earlier on.
Be careful - you're attracting all kinds horrible things in such a prone state. Evil people/whatever can easily smell, promote/extend and exploit periods of weakness.
A simple truth about human psychology, is that a person moves towards what they're looking at! Have you seen the "funny videos" where kids learning to ride on bicycles, start to wobble and then steer towards and smack against the very object they want to get away from? Adults are no different, whether in practical reality like that, or in their minds and souls.
You've been excessively poisoning yourself, mesmerised by the multi-faced monster that also ails other human beings, staring at it and its evil actions possibly so that you don't have to confront your inner resistance to breaking its hold over you. This monster is not your friend, and it doesn't deserve your attention, or your pain. It wants you to become like it, so that it can consume you and your soul in every way. What has this monster done to deserve such a valuable meal?
Your attempt at Christianity seems not very uncompromised, because you still have the power within yourself, like flicking a switch, to TURN AWAY from darkness yet it's not happening with certainty - it's up to yourself and NOT God to do this for you!
I don't know your personal situation beyond reading some journals over time, but God gave every human the incredible gift of freedom of choice, and He is guarding this gift within all of us, with all His might. It's easy to dismiss this freedom and take it for granted, until you no longer have it. Because this gift was given to you by the most powerful being of all time and every universe and dimension, nothing else can take it away from you - instead you must be the one to give this precious gift away.
Why would you give it away to any entity other than the one that gave it to you in the first place? No other entity is deserving of such a gift.
This is not being selfish - the God-given gift of freedom of choice, gives you the choice to nurture love, life and light (and to learn to positively better yourself).
I've been around this fandom for so long, and know so many of the really dirty secrets of some of the PEOPLE you're idolising - I suspect you do too.
I've seen such people fail at achieving their goals, so instead of working towards those goals with renewed humility, introspection and wisdom - they decided to start tearing down those who have achieved more than themselves. This behaviour (and its allowance/acceptance/normalisation) is one of the many cancers being artificially inflicted upon a healthy society by an evil monster, and the furry fandom is absolutely no exception.
Rather than loving it, this kind of thing repulses me, along with the pathetic virtue signalling that goes along with it - a good amount coming from certain core members/staff of FA, mind you. :)
I wonder how much of your temporary-weaker self you see in these people, and how much you are idolising YOUR (WEAKER) SELF by idolising THEM. Do you think these people would want to be pigeonholed and held on to by someone embracing his weaknesses rather than his strengths? Perhaps some of them would rather just take advantage of your temporary weaknesses.
How much effort and space are you actually leaving for God in all of this? It's certainly okay to love and worship HIM - He won't mind; after all, He created and made you in His image, and wants you to become the best that you possibly can.
You're not on your own, either in this mortal realm or the spiritual, but you're pushing away light and life and running towards darkness and death. It's really quite a dreadful spectacle to witness this, and my wish is that you can turn yourself around. You certainly have lots of experience at screwing up, which is good, because now you have the wisdom (and obligation to yourself) to avoid screwing up in the future. That's pretty valuable - wisdom AND choice, not a bad combination already... add to that a consistently-increasing choice of sanity over fantasy and now you're really rockin'.
I'm pretty sure that involvement in the furry fandom started out as a "hobby" for you - it's certainly grown beyond that! Time for some "pruning back" in places, methinks.
It was a long road to get to where you are now, both good and bad. There's no need to rush into anything, but do take a few conscious steps back, as you're not headed in the best direction right now. I've seen far too many people in this (and related) fandoms off themselves in some way, after talking like you have been, and I'm a bit concerned for you right now. It's not a good end for anyone.
At least cancel your Netflix, mainstream TV, and stop yourself from staring at everything that is wrong with the world, as you're only damaging your chances at noticing the good and real things that still remain and are worth protecting. (Protip: Some "independent media/redpill" sources are as fake as those you're trying to ignore. If it's only terrible news without reasonable solutions, or some tactically-important mainstream misdirections are allowed to slip through, then you're likely looking at a fake.)
If you have to replace such missing toxins with something else, start keeping extra-busy by reading classic novels and slowly pimping up your living area/home and physical health. A couple of years ago I would have suggested reaching out to a professional, such as a psychoanalyst, just to generally assist you in strengthening any temporary weaknesses, but good heavens are there many frauds about in just about any medical/therapeutic (and other) industry.
Deuteronomy 30:15-20 “See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil. If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today, by loving the Lord your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rules, then you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to take possession of it. But if your heart turns away, and you will not hear, but are drawn away to worship other gods and serve them, I declare to you today, that you shall surely perish. You shall not live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to enter and possess. I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.”
Also - I just noticed that ONCE AGAIN the words "horse cock", "bible", "hairy wolf-women" and "love-tunnel" were mentioned in a single serious discussion. If there's anything that I myself "love" about this fandom, and which keeps me coming back, is that there's no other place anywhere in the universe where such a thing can happen without being violently scrubbed from existence forever, haha. :3
There are some factors, here, that I left out (Maybe I should have started the religious thread)
About 17 years ago I lost my salvation (It was arguable I never had it? Salvation as defined as fear of damnation and a religious devotion to denying myself, and dragging a cross around, doing "good I do not want to do and not doing "bad" that I want to do) over sexual sin (Bestiality- shock- I know), I desired an animal more than I desired my salvation, and by the time I realized how dumb that was- it was too late. I won't go into any further details on that, they aren't necessary.
I was attacked by the darkness, by dark forces, "Ripped apart" in the spirit realm horrifically, although in the physical realm I appear healthy. If this terrifies you, it should. Biblically, I would call it, being "Given over to the devil".
Technically I am already fucked. For 17 years I was literally too terrified to even REMEMBER what happened though I suffer physical tightness in my chest and throat (Where I felt them cut me in the spirit realm).
My ex fiancee, a human woman, lived in my home for about 9 months with her two children. Her presence as a spouse (In every way but government acknowledged) was spiritual analgesic enough for me to finally begin confronting the demonic oppression I was suffering. (Although it's been getting better as the ancient, dark ones leave me one by one)
She eventually realized I was too broken from childhood sexual, physical, emotional and even spiritual abuse, and had to leave me- something I almost didn't survive.
However, it did get me to begin to confront the terrible reality of my spiritual situation.
Also, as I began to confront my spiritual condition, God also began to meet me (He was not able to reach me, as I had blinded myself to him) and speak to me.
Thus far it became apparent to me (I have had a handful of very interesting visions, including the workings of time, space and reality, something my mind could not fully comprehend) that I am a resident of 3 places presently, heaven, hell, and earth.
If you want to trip out, and I hesitate to say these things publicly, and they are nowhere in the Bible in word, yet everywhere in the Bible in spirit, I saw a demon tormenting me in the spirit realm hold his hands up in the presence of light that surrounded me. He was previously tormenting me but saw hope for redemption (After all, he was once a beloved creation of God) and decided to basically repent. (There is more, much more)
It's easy to say that I am mad, posessed, nuts and crazy, and no doubt to believe such a thing would require a little too much faith, faith you were never once asked to have. Indeed, I did see a psychologist recently- a woman- and she ended up falling in love with me and leaving highly inappropriate messages on my phone. I had to step away- but before I did, everything she tried to get me to understand, were things I already understood. She said, "Wow, you've been reading the same manuals I have" No, I have just been looking deep inside myself, and working courageously with my creator.
I applaud your diligence to try and keep me on the plantation. You are a human woman, no?
It has come to my attention that in the heteronormative narrative, in peaceful civilized society (I am sorry to say this, it will no doubt offend many, but if the truth offends, then the offended are in the wrong) women get to enjoy an artificially high quality of life, on the backs of enslaved men. (Again, sorry.) My ex said I would, "Knock her off of her unicorn" periodically, meaning she knew her standard was a "Unicorn" and basically a thing that did not truly exist on this realm.
Well, that's not very fair- what about women- women, of course, suffer greatly as well. As men, we are more predisposed to acknowledge your fragility as it is patently obvious, the differences between the sexes, are obviousd to the eye, however, our fragility in the spirit realm (And your massive power over it) is never spoken of, and men suffer in silence women are not remotely aware of. Because if you were aware of it, you would be a lot more compassionate to us.
If you doubt the veracity of my words, please just google suicides, incarcerations, etc of men vs. women. The disparity is quite vast. Again, these are hard numbers, not things that can be speculated against by a rational individual. You cannot tell me in genuineness that the number 5 is greater than the number ten.
OK. Moving on.
Truly, your words are not wasted- and I appreciate what you are trying to do. While your projecting on me ("I worry for your animals if you gruesomely kill yourself!") kind of hurt, whatever self-destructive spirits exist in my being, are being embraced by me, every good and bad- embraced and not resisted.
Oh yes! Completely heretical, especially based against the Bible verse you quoted. In fact, your reply was of the Divine- but I believe for refute, not for correction. Basically, I am correcting you, you are not correcting me.
What, I think, you want, is for me to pick up my cross, deny myself, stop embracing, as you say, perversion, and re-join the religious heteronormative narrative, trying to be a good little church boy who likes women and only women, put a fake smile on my face, and pretend like I don't enjoy getting fucked in the ass.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeexcept I already did that. For my Ex. Every day I diligently sought God to the degree I collapsed at the end of the day, spiritually and mentally exhausted because I earnestly tried to be her man (And truly I loved her. I stood between her and kidnappers, murderers she attracted, risking my life and fortune to keep her and her kids safe. Don't tell me I didn't love her. Don't tell me I didn't care. Because I did.)
After being given over to the devil 17 years ago (or so), I desperately tried to re-join religion and attempt to, again, earn my salvation (Back?) through being good, hoping Jesus would forgive me, hoping God would have mercy.
Didn't work. God only began talking to me again when I sought Him outside of religion. Sounds like the devil, right? Oh shit Dave, you're deceived! Don't you get it?!
Yeah. I do. I am either well and truly fucked, to desperately try to enjoy the remainder of my wretched life in drunken perversion (I haven't slept with anyone or anything, by the way, since my ex left 9 months ago if I remember right- and not for lack of trying, God just hasn't given me any peace about getting naked with anyone, and I am devoted to listen, now.)
What you want is admirable. It keeps babies being born (And the heavenly nursery being emptied out, as the Bible says, God knew us before the world was made, so we existed somewhere before birth, so we must have our tour on this chaos orb) it keeps society peaceful and safe. It keeps things good for women.
However, i the underbelly it keeps men dead on the inside. Since day one men have been the meat that has fed the great society machine. Men who do what I am doing usually end up opting out of society one way or another. Good for society? NO!!! Society needs me to keep slinging my throat yogurt and making more kids, paying my taxes, dying inside and wishing death because none of it really fulfills me because i die one day and lose it all, everything i worked and suffered so hard for, keep getting happy meals for the kids, keep telling my cheating wife i love her (Because I do, but because I am unfulfilled, she seeks more excitement rather than bearing my pain alone, because as i found out a woman also bears a mans pain)
Etc, etc.
There are more depressing facts. (Sorry, but they are facts, you can ignore them but i wouldn't advise it) These men like I tried to be, ARE making children. These children are being born into homes where the dad is a few minor bad events away from suicide, the wife is bitter and unhappy, the kids grow up to get jobs that they hate, realizing they will N E V E R be able to afford a home, watching mommy and daddy fight at worst, or be silently unhappy at best (SHow me a truly happy couple and I will turn around and show you the E X C E P T I O N) and it destroys this childs core- desire for a family of their own.
More and more women aren;t wanting children or marriage, because in the spirit-realm they instinctively sense the stench of the decaying institution of marriage.
Oh my God that's terrible, what's next? Historically, chaos, anarchy, collapse. Death, cannibalism, death.
I would share some of the visions I've had but they are too gruesome for this journal and best discussed in private.
Basically, you haven't transition to daylight savings time. You're still an hour behind.
So, what time is it? It's the end days. At no time has the technology existed to enforce the level of tyranny spoken of in Revelations in the Bible. War drones, thermal satellites, global commo. We're well and truly fucked, and I ma not sure if you are aware, we, quite literally, had a soft coup in the USA, the only superpower standing between total tyranny and the rest of the world. This was a few months ago, and the usurpers are already trying to start WWIII with Russia while being in bed with CHina.
C R I N G E right?
Please read revelations. "There has never been a time as terrible as that, and there will never be a time that terrible again. Unless God stopped the violence NO FLESH WOULD BE SPARED"
We are, quite literally, almost there. Humanity cannot be saved. Only the individual.
Well fuck Dave, is there any good news? Yes!!! Eat, drink, and be merry. Why? Because! As it says in the Bible in a handful of places, "In the end days my Grace will be poured out on all flesh!" NO ASTERISKS. I could get deeply spiritual and psychological and back it up with the Bible but I won't go in depth here for my beliefs.
My advice is seek your higher power (If you don't have one, you're kid of ham stringing yourself and entering into inevitable battle without a weapon [your sword is quite literally on the table next to you]) and ask them if I am full of shit. If I am a false prophet, the antichrist, whatever. I literally believe Christ isn't necessary any more. If he were the verse about grace would state, "Jesus would be on all flesh", no, it's grace.
We have been dragging our crosses around long enough. See the verse about the men being removed from society and the women saying, "Marry us and take away our shame!" Y'all need us, you should be aware men are far weaker in the spirit realm, and you females (If you are a woman) have infinite power to destroy us, yet you have never been taught you possesses it, let alone, wield it with compassion and temperance. And men have been swallowed by Machismo into believing we have it all figured out, that we are strong, that women are playthings, and that aside from sex, it's all we need or want. We have been trained to desire sex over character- character few women have been taught to possess.
Dave, you are an asshole, how dare you say all this stuff! Sorry! Not sorry! You can only debate me emotionally, the statistics actually back up what I am saying. "That's depressing" yeah, well, uh, have you really taken a good long look around? I can, quite literally, feel the fear in the hearts of the people around me as they "Mask up" and go about their lives. Every man is scared and depressed, every woman is worried and hopeless. It's what I see in the spirit realm.
In reality, the cruelest thing you can do is what you are advocating for. The furtherance of this miserable, ridiculous but safe merry-go-round. Me, taking the blue pill and taking the attractive woman up on her openness to intimacy with me (Happened yesterday, I chose to wish her a good evening rather than getting her number, because I do not have peace for it, and I must embark on this journey, even if I end up alone)
What I am is the guy who got fucked spiritually, has nothing to lose, has battled it out, and is now taking God to task, and finding out God has been misrepresented and bastardized by religion of all sorts. Sounds heretical, well, okay. It would definitely seem so to the prophets of old. But it's where I am at.
And... As far as who I am attracting, in the last three months I have met some of the highest quality human beings I have thirsted for all my life. Including a woman I am attracted to who is on the same journey as I am! We talked for hours at the dog park! She told me she departed from the Christian religion when her pastor yelled at her for being a sinner, while she secrelty knew he was having an affair with her friend's mother.
I'm not bagging on anyone, we're all just a bunch of scared anxiety filled monkeys vibrating our way through life and trying to make more monkeys. We're doing our best.
What I am finding is more precious than gold or rubies. I am finding myself. I am finding my purpose, my calling. I have, quite literally, hugged lucifer (He's not that tall, honestly. After i got passed the fear, and was hugging him, God asked me, how much power he had, and I had to be honest, kind of, well, none!) loved and forgiven my demons (They're a lot smaller when you're facing them) and finding love of a quality I had always desired.
Oh, the reason why those naughty words would be looked down upon is because civilized society uses shame to destroy what it knows would destroy it. Shame is a brutally effective motivator to keep things going.
Except, it's time for this awful experiment of living without God outside of the Garden of Eden to mercifully come to an end. Things, are, uh, going to get worse I'm afraid before they get any better. My plan is to purchase a small cessna, some land in far remote alaska, and sip mojitoes as the mushroom clouds light up the sky in the distance. Sounds fatalistic but I cannot stop what's coming and neither can you- because it is the merciful will of God (You wouldn't want to)
My advice isn't to abandon your religion or go full monke and quit your job or anything like that. No need to fully fuck society quite yet (Let nature take its course) but instead to embrace your darkness, and seek God outside of the fearful walls of religion. After all, perfect love casts out all fear (Bible, look it up, auto refresh will destroy all i have written if i do!) and the truth sets F R E E (also B I B L E )
I'm not saying I will end up a happily married man with 3 children and a large bank account, fully fulfilled, happy, (And, uh, secretly taking the pool boys throat yogurt *cough*) and may end up homeless with an encyclopedia of STDs, being shot by some robber or someone who just doesn't like my face and ending up in eternal torment, as God fully turns His back on me (Again, the near death experience is just about all I have to tell you I hope I won't be submerged in magma for all of eternity but it's definitely a possibility and there's jack shit I can do about it after losing my salvation and being given over to the devil!)
In time, I think you will see I am right. Things are still... Fairly good for society and the heteronormative narrative. As long as that's true I can go to the market and buy food as I please, work a job and make money, and date people freely. When that ends there will be martial law, permanent lockdowns, starvation, rape, fear, and eventually the complete loss of value of human and all life on earth (Again, the visions I have had and heard of are beyond horrific and I in no way want to experience that)
The final bit of justification I have is when Jesus said "I am not good, only God [His Father, using popular capitalization, God told me he didn't care, in fact, recently God opened the heavenly walky talky channel to me, to ask me my request, I was having a bad day and I was pissed so I literally told God to GO FUCK YOURSELF to his face... I walked away then realized, well, I certainly just claimed my damnation ticket, except God held the channel open, and I asked him, I said, bro, how fucked am I now? You gonna send me to Hell? His reply was, no, that He wished more people were as honest with him as I was, and that there are a L O T of Christians who desperately want to tell Him the exact same thing but don't- and how bad that is for them.
I know, it's a trip, and it really fucks your mind-hole. Imagine being me, though, if I am telling the truth.
Maybe God is just a dude more represented by the zigzag rolling paper dude, which is why 5 foot tall (No offense to him, he just doesn't represent most descriptions i've heard) and that is why lucifer even THOUGHT he could usurp him.
Maybe God is just a dude that wants us to live our best lives, even if it means I have 3 girlfriends and a handful of boyfriends (Again, not saying I'm doing anything, but i could technically get laid in probably a half hour if i wanted to, not bragging, just the facts)
Maybe.
Or, maybe you actually have to earn the F R E E G I F T (Bible) of salvation by being good. Didn't Paul say, "Anyone who sins willingly loses their salvation!" Only to end up saying, "I'm just gonna preach Christ and Him crucified!" in the end (A pastor told me this, he literally wrote the entire new testament by hand, once, so you know he was a true believer)
Because, we don't know if the man who blasphemed the Holy Spirit (Something I triued to do when I was a kid! Literally! To spite my ultra Christian mom who was abusing me, and trying to get me to commit suicide to cover up what she did! And by the way the proper translation was, Jesus said- because you KEPT ON saying "HE does these things by the power of the devil" so what is the magic damnable number?)
We don't know that Pharisee, realizing how well and truly damned and fucked he was, sensed the darkness coming to end his body and take his soul, ran to Jesus a day later, falling on his knees for forgiveness, begging for his soul, and Jesus, glaring at him hatefully, asked God what he should do, and God, being love, said, "Forgive him." while no one was around, and it never got put into the Bible.
Because, you can tell a man you will kill him if he does something- and the man MAY not do it (But will do it anyway, if they want it bad enough). B U T tell a man he will be submerged in magma for all of eternity and he will tend really try a bit harder to be a good boi.
Sounds like justification for a lawless and sinful life, doesn't it?
Except it's strange at how I am celibate, how I do not cheat my clients, how I treat my remaining dog with respect, kindness and the honor that is due her (And no, I am not doing THAT with her, it's sad I need to clarify that- and by the way, here's another mind hole stretcher, did you know that Adam could, quite literally, fuck a polar bear and God would be fine with it- until he ate the apple of the tree of good and evil? Probably why God made eve, maybe Adam was making some of the animals sore- we literally don't know, LOL)
This is not a journey for cowards. (Remember what the Bible says about cowards. They will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. I could end up all types of wrecked. Including spiritually. Strangely, as I face my shadows, as the demons come to tell me they're going to disembowel me like Judas and pour magma over my helpless body, I let them. I say, go ahead. I won't fight you.
And the next day I ask them what happened, and they shrug and tell me "That's all we had?" Well. Alright. What if i told them God never stopped loving them, and it broke His heart when they rebelled? What if 1,000 years for us is as 1 day for God, and it's been six days (By some creationist accounts) and it's been 6 days for God and he's pretty much cooled off over our rebellion and disobedience, and he's pouring His Grace out on all flesh, because he gets it.
He saw what the men did to me as a child, and the women. (Yes, multiples, and my peers.) He gets why in some cases I am attracted to men and the idea of me giving a man sexual pleasure is indescribably beautiful to me. (Although, as I said, I am not doing it. I am waiting for authorization from my Creator)
What if, the Satanist, who's Christian parents destroyed them with mockery and legalism, prevented them from exploring their brokeness, and completely rejected their child when he found more in common with the devil than he did with a loving god who would throw his beloved creation into horrific agony for all of eternity, for failing to live up to a standard that he himself acknowledges is impossible to live up to? WHat if God says, "son, I get it. They failed you. Worse, they failed you in My name."
And with verses saying "Men who lie with men sexually are an abomination to God" (Abomination- makes God sick) who can blame them? What are they supposed to do with that?
Except, we are well and truly in the winding down of the great human experiment. The church has failed, by design- God knew it would all along. (Kinda sounds like how the Jews failed... Types and shadows!) And, God planned from the beginning accordingly.
The vision I had of the inner workings of reality, spacetime and etc was a trip and there was no way my human mind could understand it, but what I did eventually gather (I had to sit on it for 18 years before God could explain it to me) is that all of time and everything we know is contained inside of a bubble. It's finite, has a beginning and an end. And God is at the beginning, and He is also at the end, simultaneously. SO, He controls all things.
I won't go into why God doesn't just cosmically stop child cancer and rape etc, just that it will be okay in the end. I found out God is vicious and cruel in His love sometimes. He will drag your half-dead carcass across an ocean of broken glass if it means you eventually become who He needed you to be (Some of us keep dragging ourselves back into that ocean, and in reality society needs us remaining in there, suffering to keep the great corporo-governmental paradigm in operation (It keeps us safe from the barbarians, those who would add dysfunction to violence)
Just to add, I don't implicitly recommend homosexuality, if you're wondering. Please don't think that. I think society STILL shames homosexuals (That asian guy who said GAYYYYY! comes to mind :3) and there is too much dysfunction within it. I managed to find two decent guys who wanted to play around, and they seemed like high quality individuals, but the hookup apps, the various websites, full of guys wanting to do highly unsafe things, and the truth is, there are men who feel so guilty about it they will murder you over it, as happened recently, creepily, to a guy who reminded me of, well, me.
Like i said this is not a cowards journey. The potential end up wrecked or dead is a lot higher than if I got me a woman and had some kids and just pretended like I wasn't a walking mess who needed to be pegged because I was never the same after that prostate orgasm. A lot of people are not ready to be unplugged from the matrix. And that's perfectly okay. We are exactly where we should be for the time we are participating in.
Perhaps I shouldn't have brought God into this, because any issues with God tend to work themselves out naturally when the person moves away from the sickness-inducing poisons that can enter everyday life: Getting influenced by lies and deception, bad nutrition, unhealthy lifestyle, unhealthy medicine, unhealthy planning, etc.
My last message itself was too damn long - basically it should have just said that reality becomes more beautiful than fantasy, when not looking at only the bad things that reality offers. Some people might of course accuse me of living in a fantasy, haha. Maybe it's true. :3
> You are a human woman, no?
Back at school, classmates would go to me for friendship/relationship advice, because they knew I'd try my best and not use it against them. Sometimes I gave (and still give) advice that no one asked for though. :)
Your comment is a compliment to me, since women on average, are genetically able to experience emotion (and possibly empathy) on a scale beyond that of a man (in my opinion, it is the deliberate external and unnatural corruption and distortion of this quality that women posses more of, which causes a percentage of them to commit damaging behaviour and selfishness towards men). I'm a heterosexual man, who has spent most of his life around farm animals and dogs, raising them and caring for them. This way of living has taught me over the years a greater connection to nature and allowed me to better understand the depth of emotions that animals are capable of feeling. To be honest, I could live a happy life only surrounded by nature and animals and continuing to look after them, without marrying and starting a family - ultimately however, I do "want it all".
Your comment regarding women being naturally oblivious to a portion of a man's suffering makes sense. When a man shares suffering with a women, it can be easy for the woman to only see and understand the concept of "weakness" and little or nothing more beyond that. A healthy and feminine woman best understands the small and enclosed "inward-facing" world consisting of the protection and nurturing of her child, and the safety of the relatively small "cocoon" she inhabits with the child. A healthy and masculine man understands best the "outward-facing" world of what lies beyond, the dangers, the advantages of new discoveries, and is tasked with the protection of the world/cocoon created by the mother. However, while (healthy feminine) women may not fully understand a man's outward-facing views and the many scarring challenges and battles this creates for him, women do stand in awe of achievement through adversity, even when the multi-faceted nature of such adversity can't always be fully understood (or achieved) by them.
The hard numbers you speak of, and their causes, are well-understood by me.
What I'm hoping for you, is for you to find happiness and peace without "embracing your darkness" as you've put it. If a heteronormative family life isn't to be for you, that's your own life and your own business.
I should have been clearer - I DO NOT consider an inner acceptance of ones' homosexual qualities or nature to be "embracing darkness" - not at all. It is my personal belief, that two people who have lived equal lives, one having the DNA of a homosexual and one having the DNA of a heterosexual, will both be judged on equal merit when the time comes!
In other words, being gay or bisexual won't disqualify a person from Heaven. I strongly believe, that "ALL gay people going to hell no matter what" is a lie being instigated by an evil force, in order to turn people away from God!
My personal (perhaps simplistic) understanding of "embracing darkness" is this: beginning to accept the lies and actions of the evil entity that hates love, life and light. These lies and actions are unfortunately now found flowing from most leaders of the biggest earthly and human influences upon modern society; multi-media, news, corporations, medicine, education, governments, sometimes even organised religion and more.
Being "an hour behind" is a good thing, when those in control of the earthly (not spiritual) clock are corrupt and evil monsters. Good for me, so that's why I hope for you to step back a bit as well.
I'm also well aware that we're now witnessing a full-blown theatrical production, totally believed by those who've been brainwashed (far more people than expected) and smugly dangled in the face of those who haven't been.
Yes, according to Revelations we're very close to an apocalypse, but that could mean 100 years from now or even much later! It would be a wasted opportunity not to keep working towards a greater tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that lucifer would use every dirty trick to convince people that it's NOT worth working towards a more positive future. Even if in the very end, we only get an extra day from our efforts, it will have been worth it!
By the way - visions can be a warning of what would happen when staying on the same path, rather than what will happen no matter what. From my understanding, perhaps I'm wrong, that is actually the primary purpose of a vision - to warn or educate, and not to foretell or simply "be real".
It's possible that my understanding of light and dark, and staying away from darkness but moving towards the light, may be overly "simplistic" - but perhaps that's a good thing, as a lot of mess can happen in the ambiguities and details.
Your saying that demons/lucifer are very small makes sense - they need to make up for their small numbers and limited power, by becoming masters of lies, deception and creating/exploiting weaknesses.
You raise some interesting points in the 2nd reply post as well.
I'm not ready to share my own religious experiences in detail, but will say that there were two very difficult times in my life; one where in desperation I had asked God if He even existed, and another where in anger I accused Him of not existing. I will say that both times I got an answer that taught me a lesson, so that I never need ask such things again.
There are practical answers for moving towards a better life, much like fixing a pipe when it leaks, fixing a roof when it gets damaged and staying away from poisonous things. Nobody's perfect, it's impossible. In my opinion, judging from what I've read every now and again, your radar for avoiding poison was working more clearly a while back, than it is now.
My wish for you, is that if I'm correct, that you tune up that radar and profit from the effort.