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ATTN: Furries disapproving of polyamory
9 years ago
General
I became an activist tonight, after 
catwolf showed me a Note she got earlier tonight from a patron requesting a refund (edited):
[...]this is more of a moral thing than anything and will probably seem very cruel, I can't support someone who can't remain faithful to their husband and who publicly announces that they have a boyfriend and a husband at the same time. [...] that just left a bad taste in my mouth. [...]
I hope you understand and I apologize if what I said offends, but I have standards that I will not budge on. This is one of them.
*serious stare into the screen*
*looks at you*
*looks at screen*
What. Tha. FUCK. people??!
*flails*
I don't understand. We're... We're FURRIES for fucks sake - gawll. Do we really need to add this layer of intolerance to *koff* FUR FUCKING AFFINITY ?!?! Seriously???
Look. I'm not gonna stop being poly, neither is my wife, her boyfriend, or my girlfriend. Sorta the way things are, and, as far as I am concerned, the wave of the future. This is another thing that's catching on fast, and the Openness is spreading.
And, sorta repeating myself here, but: Because of being poly, my wife and I are faithful to each other, and I suspect the love and trust we have for each other is greater than most (not all! ;D ) monogamous relationships. And I bet that's even true of the relationships my wife and I have with our lovers.
I wish I could be more open about this everywhere, but FA is where I am doing this because of the great love and tolerance. We are open here to escape this brand of righteous indignation. We shouldn't have to deal with this. We're not going to let this slide. So.
If you've got moral issues with polyamory, fine, but
1) Fuck right off, and
2) UnWatch me immediately
I'd love to answer your questions about this in Comments or Notes - but, no, I'm not gonna say who this asshat was.
Also: big *Hi5* to mah_wife for causing actual moral outrage before me. Well done! :D
#intolerantfurs
catwolf showed me a Note she got earlier tonight from a patron requesting a refund (edited):[...]this is more of a moral thing than anything and will probably seem very cruel, I can't support someone who can't remain faithful to their husband and who publicly announces that they have a boyfriend and a husband at the same time. [...] that just left a bad taste in my mouth. [...]
I hope you understand and I apologize if what I said offends, but I have standards that I will not budge on. This is one of them.
*serious stare into the screen*
*looks at you*
*looks at screen*
What. Tha. FUCK. people??!
*flails*
I don't understand. We're... We're FURRIES for fucks sake - gawll. Do we really need to add this layer of intolerance to *koff* FUR FUCKING AFFINITY ?!?! Seriously???
Look. I'm not gonna stop being poly, neither is my wife, her boyfriend, or my girlfriend. Sorta the way things are, and, as far as I am concerned, the wave of the future. This is another thing that's catching on fast, and the Openness is spreading.
And, sorta repeating myself here, but: Because of being poly, my wife and I are faithful to each other, and I suspect the love and trust we have for each other is greater than most (not all! ;D ) monogamous relationships. And I bet that's even true of the relationships my wife and I have with our lovers.
I wish I could be more open about this everywhere, but FA is where I am doing this because of the great love and tolerance. We are open here to escape this brand of righteous indignation. We shouldn't have to deal with this. We're not going to let this slide. So.
If you've got moral issues with polyamory, fine, but
1) Fuck right off, and
2) UnWatch me immediately
I'd love to answer your questions about this in Comments or Notes - but, no, I'm not gonna say who this asshat was.
Also: big *Hi5* to
mah_wife for causing actual moral outrage before me. Well done! :D#intolerantfurs
Wish you all love and luck!
Probably the best thing that has recently come out of our relationship is a new-found ability to talk rationally about any problem - hoo boy - and we have to, to stay together <3
I have the impression that people think monogamy 'works', because it is the norm. It just 'works' without needing thought or work. You don't have to talk about your relationship with your partner. All because it's the norm. Because there are laws and belief's that support it.
No one thinks that divorce numbers paint a different picture? How can you 'live apart'? I mean couples usually meet every day. How can you not notice shifting interests? Unless... you are not talking. At least not about each other and your relationship.
Poly people on the other side seem to be much more aware that any relationship needs work constantly from everyone involved.
I'm against polyamory 100%, but I won't stop you or say you shouldn't. It works for a few select people, doesn't for the rest. If it works for you, perfect, Just making journals can get people in trouble. Lesson learned?
Sorry furs suck. Not the first, nor last, time.
On a site where it's okay for two dudes to be in love, or two ladies to be in love, or damn near anything you can imagine loving something equally weird, and draw art, and create stories and posts, celebrating it, I am unclear why the number of people loved is something that shouldn't be posted about - or celebrated?
Please continue your lesson!
Complaining about receiving said negative response makes just as much sense. Your decision doesn't bother me, but obviously the -topic- of polyamory does to a lot of furs. Sorry that you got that kind of negative attention from a journal you posted. You got a good deal of positive support, too, which is always good.
Whatever keeps your relationship stable, makes you both happy, and doesn't hurt others, who cares what people think!
I am not one to complain - that's typically not my jam.
But this has been a transcendent enough experience for me that it goes beyond sharing, and I am going to continue to be active against morality used as a weapon against poly people - especially those that are doing it right by being ethical and open.
Positivity is the key - and I want to say that I regret the negative tone of my journal a bit. I'm really more dumbfounded than upset, but it really comes across negatively. I used some charged language. Anyway.
I've not really been this active about an uh "issue" before (Bernie aside - but that was elsewhere), so I'm not really very good about modulating my HEEEEEERNG. *pants* Sometimes it's abrasive. I'm working on it.
Thank you for your patience~
I'm not in a poly relationship myself. That being said, I have a few friends who are. They're all very sane, cool people, and I'm glad to know them for a myriad of reasons. If nothing else, having poly friends... having trans friends... just knowing people who are DIFFERENT really opens up your eyes. Having them around teaches you how to be tolerant. What the protocol for interacting with them is.
*sigh* I guess it's the commissioner's money to spend as they please. People have the right to criticize and express their opinion. But they ought to realize their personal rules end at the tip of another person's nose.
Based on what I see on the note, I do think it's more of a fear kind of things. Like say, one doesn't want their mate to lose interest nor care and run off with someone else, that the idea of being poly was made public, or one cannot be loved as much as the mate loves the other. Something around those lines.
The world is filled with so many closed minded people. Honestly I actually blame laziness. It takes time and effort to learn about something and it is mildly surprising how many people would rather simply shut down and reject rather than attempt to understand. Well for whatever it is worth, both you and your wife have my support on this front. Keep enjoying life!
I appreciate your support. I am happier than I've been in years (and I think my wife is, as well)! This has been perhaps the most dramatic period of personal growth in my adult life.
I don't think either of you should have to hide that part of yourselves. It is not something to ever be ashamed of. As long as you spread love and respect those around you, you shouldn't be asked to give any less.
Why get us pumped up with righteous indignation then refuse to note who to avoid?
Cretinism deserves a +BLOCK. I don't want to run into this lying fascist.
Why allow them to hurt others? Please help. Testify against your 'psychological rapist'.
As I mentioned in another comment, I'm a little regretful that the tone of this journal was so negative... I'll leave it as testament of my weakness.
The attitude held by the writer of that Note isn't likely to change, ever, but, I absolutely guarantee it will only harden further when met with an aggressive vendetta. Love and tolerance only go so far, and I'm not going to try to change anyone's mind, but the way to gain acceptance is with Positive Interactions that leave a - um - good taste in your mouth.
Phrasing.
Anyway~ I do get where you're coming from, and I appreciate your support.
I guess the whole "why isn't the fandom tolerant of this" angle is because a lot of furry stuff is in fantasy. I guess less people expect it in reality or something? In any case, it wouldn't kill people to try to be more tolerant of things that really don't affect them in any way shape or form. ^^;
But use poly as an excuse? Use poly to justify your discriminatory attitude and policy? Ima prolly call you out... but more positively next time.
I just still cannot fathom how being open about poly can be seen as morally reprehensible on this site.
So, yeah, keep doing what you're doing if it's working. There are always those of us who are happy to broaden their minds and learn new things, such as myself. :)
Everything's gonna be okay. And yeah - we've finally gotten to what works - it's why I'm celebrating XD
"Poly goes against my beliefs, I wish you the best"
Unfortunately pretty much most of what they said just kinda came off demeaning/looking down upon the both of you because it didn't fit "Their Standard".
As far as you and Catwolf being poly... IN THIS FANDOM... well oh no... the humanity, whatever the fuck will we do. Someone call the Lifestyle police because there are grownups harmlessly living their life in a way that effects fuck all no one.
Seriously though. No harm no foul. Different strokes for different folks.
Glad you didn't name them, at least, but not thrilled that you're showing your tolerance by telling everyone who disagrees with you to fuck off.
Again, you're conflating tolerance with agreement.
I am putting a lot of stuff out there. There were a whole lotta things going on the past few years that have kept me from furry, and I'm overcoming these one by one, and finding my place here again. I actually like to respond to criticism to make sure my views are well-turned-over in my head. And - I am actually trying to do it w/o negativity.
This was posted in the uh - heat of the moment. I am disappointed in the tone I took, though the content still pertains. I am going to remain vigilant with this stuff. I am new this openness, and have not yet really let the dust settle yet.
It's compounded by the ultimatum that if someone disagrees with this one stance, we should fuck off and leave. I disagree with my friends over a whole host of issues both minor and significant. They know my opinion, I know theirs, and life goes on. This kind of massive reaction to someone saying this strikes as... irrational.
I do note that you've mellowed in the comments, which is encouraging. I guess for me, the borders of tolerance is 'not actively or annoying attempting to sway you away' on one side, and indifference on the other.
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs specifies "Belongingness and Love" above Safety and Physiological Needs. We all need acceptance and praise.
I'd posit that a person asking for water is no worse than a person asking for acceptance.
If everybody involved knows the score and everybody is happy, then nobody else has a right to complain about it. Just boggles the mind how that is such a foreign concept to so many people these days.
You love your father, you love your parents, you love your siblings, you love your grandparents, you may love your extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins.
Does any of this love dimish another?
If you love your mother, can you love your father?
Yes?
Then why should loving two partners dimish the love one has for either?
What if one loves two partners and is loved by both, maybe they like/love each other, or at least are all right with the situation, how can it be morale to hurt them by saying they can't be together? How can hurting people be part of any morality we (as in humanity) can support?
BTW, morality is a word that describes a set of values, any set of values. The Inquisition thought it moral to torture and kill in horrible ways. The Inquisition was and is a christian organization. If you are a christian, do you support the old or the modern morality of the Inquisition?
I support your choice. If you love both your girlfriend and wife equally, then it should be alright!! Poly exists for a reason.
Here's a thing; you're not entitled to anyone's money, hard-earned or not. If they do not wish to support an artist who's polyamorous, that's their prerogative and they have the right not to support them. If someone doesn't want to support an artist who's gay, that's their right. If someone doesn't want to support a cub artist, that's their right. Openness in the fandom doesn't just mean acceptance and tolerance (the two are completely different things by the way) but also the freedom to give your money to whoever you want to. Calling someone out on it (especially when they seemingly expressed their concern in a polite way) won't exactly paint you in a positive light.
God forbid people choose to support who they want with their money, right? News flash: ever since humanity was born, people were ALWAYS infinitely more likely to financially support someone with whom they agree with whether it's their views, their stance on something or something else altogether.
and also the very fact: The opposite effect happens and people get pissed off about that...
That's what you get with English, though - it takes bits and pieces of everything :P
There's nothing to the persistent myth of infidelity. It takes so much communication to make a poly relationship work sometimes it feels like that's all we do.
If all adults involved are consenting and aware of the relationship goals and it's working out for them then why is it any of my business? Other people engaging in consensual agreements which in no way affect me whatsoever are none of my damn business.
Besides, it's not like you're living under the rule of an orange oompa loompa, surrounded by some deranged 'crusaders', who have made it one of their goals to make laws controlling what happens in your bed and between your legs, especially for the females...
Poly relationships can work as you stated "if you talk to your partners and all parties are fine" which is opposite of what the average person thinks is a poly relationship (and holy shit the average furries have the worst idea of what a poly relationship is...)
Then in this day and age: Being faithful isnt the thing that keeps any relationship good as its a really really old thing, its a series of things now...so please hit yes to that service update so you can know that it takes more than "Just being faithful" for a relationship.
Seriously. Don't get Poly but you're not hurting me, so I don't get a right to judge how you make yourself happy. Flip them the bird and move on. I have more than enough issues in my life to worry about who someone loves and they should too.
Sorry if my view offends anyone. Just trying to give an upfront and honest opinion on something I've taught a lot about recently ^^;
If it doesn't affect me and it doesn't harm anyone else, then it's none of my business making judgment calls.
Some people like bondage. Some people don't.
Some people love underpants. Some people don't.
Some people like boys, some people like girls. Some people like people that aren't boys *or* girls.
Some people love several other people. Some people just love one.
People are going to find something to have a problem with and if it's different from their views, that's going to be the easiest target.
Morals are there to keep people from getting hurt. If it doesn't hurt you or anyone else, then there's nothing morally wrong.
So who am I to judge? Nobody.
What can I say to protest? Nothing
Do I have any power to change people? Hell no
I believe that everyone deserves happiness and I have no problem accepting people for who they are. I've got nothing against anyone unless they've personally wronged me or my family. As far as I'm concerned, Everyone out there is "friend until deemed an enemy".
I'm just kinda rambling but I wanted to put a few words out here because I do have a side to take in this. I choose to accept people and be happy by not letting things bother me
you are over 18 right.. Just joking but hey I dont care
I just want me furry smut :)