Been kinda a rough few days here, nothing really important, but my mental states been pretty low, stress, frustration, and loneliness are a bad trifecta to deal with. Its painful to be the one to engage in people right now, I've never been a social person or to assertive. (Its one reason even if I like them its hard for me to deal with super aggressive preds who keep the personality ooc), and not good at saying no as well.


Easiest way I could explain it is I feel like a castle that's crumbling from within.


Suppose in some ways its looking for more than just casual contacts that can be frustrating, wanting more than the superficial stuff. Seems that people are only in for my rps. I pretty much feel I have to be “on” all the time online..and offline dealing with some similar things as well. I try hard, focus on being a good person and then end up frustrated when I feel ignored when stretching out.

And what do I do? I end up pulling back, seeing assaults where they aren't, and end up not being able to open up out of fear... I can feel my own personality becoming more erratic as well, which isn't helpful for anyone.

I suppose realizing the situation is a step, but solving it is much harder. Caring for the mind is a tricky thing.

Thus ends actually writing down some of my own thoughts, maybe it'll help, am I okay? I don't know, I Think so.. but when you don't know the fix for something its hard to know what to ask for.

Talon