Well, the doctor's office called me back about my ultrasound; they said it's just a fatty liver and the best way for me to heal it is to lose weight and change my diet. That's great and all, but that's only part of it; I'm not sure how to go about making a complete lifestyle change seeing as every attempt I've made in the past hasn't worked out in the long run. I would even go vegetarian or vegan if I could find a way to make it work without it being so rough. I know what I have to do, but I don't know what to really do; I've managed to watch my sugar and junk food consumption, I include more fruits and vegetables with my meals, I rarely drink alcohol, and my job alone gives me exercise as I average 9000-15000+ steps a day.

It's bad enough that I have this issue that I've been trying to correct and one that I never would have expected to happen, but with my grandfather's passing as well as Shawna's passing, both of which were from complications of diabetes which I'm at risk for hasn't helped and has mentally weighed on me more heavily than I care to admit. It has especially bothered me that with what I have going on that I could potentially wind up dead from my own health complications that I so nonchalantly and passively let bog me down physically and personally. It's like I have one foot in the grave and now I'm trying to make peace with myself and get it together to prevent the inevitable from happening before I get too old and it winds up being too late.

TL;DR: I feel lost, I'm not sure where to go, what to do, get started, etc. I haven't been this bothered as bad as the past 30 months have been far less than ideal. Why am I doing this to myself and why can't I bring myself out of this? I want to be able to enjoy myself, enjoy life, and the time I spend with friends and family to the absolute fullest, but it feels damn near impossible.