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Update on my character Kailee & myself
8 years ago
I've thought about this for awhile, really wrestled back and forth between whether or not to say anything or change her how I see fit. I don't want people to be offended, especially if I appear to be insensitive or doing something wrong in their eyes, but I need to be true to myself.
I'm not comfortable in my gender. To be fully and completely honest, I don't feel like any in particular. I don't seem to fit into a neat little box either, because sometimes I'm comfortable in my body and want traditionally feminine things like florals and dresses and wanting to have a baby some day. On other days, however, I feel like I am supposed to have a different set of genitals. I feel like I am supposed to be stronger, more masculine, just...more. Those are hard days for me because I am not those things and I am missing those parts.
I wouldn't consider myself trans as it's not an always thing. I guess genderfluid? But I also don't like that word either.
I guess the point of this journal is just to get it out there. See if anyone else deals with this or has any input? I am currently working on making an alternate form for Kailee, where she would be male presenting on the bottom, while still female topped. My problem is I don't want to offend anyone with this, especially my followers and friends.
What're your thoughts? Am I crossing a line or doing something wrong? It's a way for me to express myself that I cannot in real life when I feel like I am that way....
Thanks for reading this everyone, it feels good to get this out of my system.
I'm not comfortable in my gender. To be fully and completely honest, I don't feel like any in particular. I don't seem to fit into a neat little box either, because sometimes I'm comfortable in my body and want traditionally feminine things like florals and dresses and wanting to have a baby some day. On other days, however, I feel like I am supposed to have a different set of genitals. I feel like I am supposed to be stronger, more masculine, just...more. Those are hard days for me because I am not those things and I am missing those parts.
I wouldn't consider myself trans as it's not an always thing. I guess genderfluid? But I also don't like that word either.
I guess the point of this journal is just to get it out there. See if anyone else deals with this or has any input? I am currently working on making an alternate form for Kailee, where she would be male presenting on the bottom, while still female topped. My problem is I don't want to offend anyone with this, especially my followers and friends.
What're your thoughts? Am I crossing a line or doing something wrong? It's a way for me to express myself that I cannot in real life when I feel like I am that way....
Thanks for reading this everyone, it feels good to get this out of my system.
Idk for me, I don't have much of a gender identity. I explain this like, there are people who are like "I'm definitely libertarian," or "I'm pagan, lemme tell you about my pantheon," or "I'm gay and proud." I don't have that when it comes to my gender; it's no more important to me than say my ears or my left foot. If people ask, I say female because that what my junk is, and if I'm filling in a box, it makes things easier. But if I'm being completely honest, masculinity and femininity are more like things I dress myself in, not really what I am. I could care less about pronouns for myself, and my expression is a day-to-day shift, but at my core, I'm not much of anything. Just Kristein. lol
It's not to say I don't think I have genitals; that's pretty dumb, I obvs have a vagina.
It's not to say I'm not sexual; I know what parts I have and I can use them to my pleasure.
But when it comes to my gender, I don't have any strong feelings about it, nor is it static, but how I dress it and how it's influenced by my surroundings.
-shrugs-
I am me.
I only even started searching for what to call myself because it seemed like everyone else was so worried about it. So I started using mostly female online, because that's what my junk looks like lol
(I had a moment when I was getting dressed and I asked myself why I hated bras so much, and my first thought was, "those are for girls" and that was my eye-opener.)
I don't wanna change my junk (though i would like to not have boobs and periods), so non-binary, specifically agender, seems to fit best. There are a bunch of sub-classifications to the agender category but I haven't bothered with them lol
Bottom line is, be you as you're most comfortable. haha