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Neox Life update and things
8 years ago
(¯`·._.·(¯`·._.· One with the Hive ·._.·´¯)·._.·´¯) Hey everyone.
Just making a journal to update you all on my current standings.
In all honesty, things have not been good all round. Being away from Gola has made me rather miserable, there is only so much he can do for me tight now being so far away. There are times we struggle to see how this journey of ours is ever gonna work being so far apart and many of my friends here in Australia have seen me less than desirable to hang around with. I feel extradited here in Australia, like no one gives a shit about me apart from Pierric. Most of my friends are now overseas, and while i have so many of you to support me with all your words to comforting to me, i still feel physically alone. Ive been gardening a lot, growing my own army of succulents to help me meditate and remove those bad thoughts.
My patron got off to a less than desirable start last month, and work has been murder on my body. I come home from 50+ hour weeks including travel in busy Sydney traffic (the infrastructure is so shit right now).Not to mention how expensive it has become to live here , its just a joke right now. My body hates me for it all, my ankles are so stiff and my shoulder has been playing up with pinching nerves. The body aches suck and is incredibly sore from all the strenuous work activities Ive been doing to keep myself living and breathing. Its given me next to no time to work on art and my dreams to become an artists. My move to Canada is a slow and strenuous one. Right now I'm able to save about $45 per week which means i need to be consistent with this current plan for a couple of years, and i dont think i can do that...yet i must to show Gola that this move is definitely something i want. Ive left most telegram and social media chats because I'm sick of seeing photos of everyone having fun in rubber gear and fursuits, and having fun with each other in a scene I've long desired to be part of. It all just makes me angry that im not involved, I dont feel part of any physical play right now which i guess is my own fault.
I need to get to Canada by the time I'm 30 and im already 29.
My passport has arrived in the mail and i have applied for a Canadian holiday/working Visa and the wait time is currently about 8 weeks.
Ive had a lot of people contact me in recent days for their own reasons wanting me to take part in joint commissions ect, and i just dont have the funds. Ive even had to cancel my trip to Defqon.1 so i can continue saving. Defqon.1 has been a yearly ritual for me ever since its conception and im extremely disappointed I'm going to miss out this year. My plan was to do a 10 year dedication, but i'll just have to settle with 8 years. I suppose i should be lucky i got to go to them at all.
Anyways, Life is hard right now and I'm not in a comfortable position for me to be able to focus on art and Bal'Kar things right now. Some people expect me to just somehow magically be available to cater to their own needs which in turn deflates me beyond belief. It had definitely been a major contribution towards my depression. The need to help everyone is there inside me, yet im so caught up in trying to scrape by living. There are even days where i have to skip meals to make sure i have enough to pay my way here in Sydney.
The hope is that all the struggles i endure right now will pay off for things far more positive in the future.
Just making a journal to update you all on my current standings.
In all honesty, things have not been good all round. Being away from Gola has made me rather miserable, there is only so much he can do for me tight now being so far away. There are times we struggle to see how this journey of ours is ever gonna work being so far apart and many of my friends here in Australia have seen me less than desirable to hang around with. I feel extradited here in Australia, like no one gives a shit about me apart from Pierric. Most of my friends are now overseas, and while i have so many of you to support me with all your words to comforting to me, i still feel physically alone. Ive been gardening a lot, growing my own army of succulents to help me meditate and remove those bad thoughts.
My patron got off to a less than desirable start last month, and work has been murder on my body. I come home from 50+ hour weeks including travel in busy Sydney traffic (the infrastructure is so shit right now).Not to mention how expensive it has become to live here , its just a joke right now. My body hates me for it all, my ankles are so stiff and my shoulder has been playing up with pinching nerves. The body aches suck and is incredibly sore from all the strenuous work activities Ive been doing to keep myself living and breathing. Its given me next to no time to work on art and my dreams to become an artists. My move to Canada is a slow and strenuous one. Right now I'm able to save about $45 per week which means i need to be consistent with this current plan for a couple of years, and i dont think i can do that...yet i must to show Gola that this move is definitely something i want. Ive left most telegram and social media chats because I'm sick of seeing photos of everyone having fun in rubber gear and fursuits, and having fun with each other in a scene I've long desired to be part of. It all just makes me angry that im not involved, I dont feel part of any physical play right now which i guess is my own fault.
I need to get to Canada by the time I'm 30 and im already 29.
My passport has arrived in the mail and i have applied for a Canadian holiday/working Visa and the wait time is currently about 8 weeks.
Ive had a lot of people contact me in recent days for their own reasons wanting me to take part in joint commissions ect, and i just dont have the funds. Ive even had to cancel my trip to Defqon.1 so i can continue saving. Defqon.1 has been a yearly ritual for me ever since its conception and im extremely disappointed I'm going to miss out this year. My plan was to do a 10 year dedication, but i'll just have to settle with 8 years. I suppose i should be lucky i got to go to them at all.
Anyways, Life is hard right now and I'm not in a comfortable position for me to be able to focus on art and Bal'Kar things right now. Some people expect me to just somehow magically be available to cater to their own needs which in turn deflates me beyond belief. It had definitely been a major contribution towards my depression. The need to help everyone is there inside me, yet im so caught up in trying to scrape by living. There are even days where i have to skip meals to make sure i have enough to pay my way here in Sydney.
The hope is that all the struggles i endure right now will pay off for things far more positive in the future.
While i'm sure you have plenty of online support, if you ever want an extra person to BS with, just let me know. :3