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I'm Done Pretending
8 years ago
Rant incoming, skip to the real news at the end if you wish. Not really trying to attack anyone here, just venting.
So, without mentioning names, a certain mammal I'm acquainted with has, over time, made it abundantly clear to me that there are only two ways to matter in this fandom- to get any sort of sense of belonging- is to act like your character or fursona is the most exotic, handsome, sexy, and above all, unique figure you've ever seen, and to build up a colossal amount of worthless gravitas to make them seem more important to watchers or other artists. Whether this is through cheesy stories, commissions, or whatever you prefer, you cultivate meaningless fame for your character and by extension, yourself, and through your cloying charisma, people will flock to you and fawn over all the art you commission, even if it didn't come from your own hand. The other way is to be talented with drawing, especially enough to draw in fans with curvaceous ladies, and to be so precise with every sex scene and internal orgasm until the end of your humanity. Now don't mistake me, I'm not saying being talented is a bad thing, in fact I admire it. I genuinely do have respect for every artist or writer that cuts their teeth with all that they do, and as such, they've earned all their watchers without question. What I can't stand, however, is when certain people get their fame by literally spending money on commissions, over and over, with the same subject matter, the same pandering, the same condescension. They stare down at the plebian fans from their ivory pedestals, acting like they're so beautiful and misunderstood. "If only more people knew of my sexy vixen! She has rocking tits and a bubble butt and her hair changes color when she's angry or horny!"
In short, I'm done pretending like I matter based on the work I do for myself, the writing and modeling. Thinking about it now, I'm not sure I can even afford to be in this fandom much longer. I wish I had the confidence that some furs have with their interactions with other artists; that stream of free art from random people and talented artists must get pretty tiresome as you dance around flaunting it to your watchers. You just have to treat every update from your character as some deep and meaningful insight into the world, humanity, and ethos when in reality it's only you saying it through a far more attractive face.
So...the real news here is that I'm heading off to college again, studying something that I've wanted to do for a long time. All of this negativity just begs me to ask myself whether I'm capable of staying on this site, or in this fandom in general. I'm not asking for fame, here, I don't want that in the slightest. I just wonder why all the time I've spent trying to cultivate a sense of identity here hasn't really done anything. Then again, that in itself feels worthless in the long run, since ultimately, it shouldn't matter what others think of you. Just be who you are, and wear that fact with pride.
Maybe I'm just jaded and envious. I shouldn't stay here because I'm envious of others, it should be because I enjoy the beautiful diversity here. The different backgrounds, sexualities, beliefs, I just love how united everyone is by that common love.
*Sigh* Perhaps I'll just start over. Different name, different outlook, different species. Maybe the whole reserved ronin fox should just be kept to myself.
Maybe a wolf dancer who's into leather.
So, without mentioning names, a certain mammal I'm acquainted with has, over time, made it abundantly clear to me that there are only two ways to matter in this fandom- to get any sort of sense of belonging- is to act like your character or fursona is the most exotic, handsome, sexy, and above all, unique figure you've ever seen, and to build up a colossal amount of worthless gravitas to make them seem more important to watchers or other artists. Whether this is through cheesy stories, commissions, or whatever you prefer, you cultivate meaningless fame for your character and by extension, yourself, and through your cloying charisma, people will flock to you and fawn over all the art you commission, even if it didn't come from your own hand. The other way is to be talented with drawing, especially enough to draw in fans with curvaceous ladies, and to be so precise with every sex scene and internal orgasm until the end of your humanity. Now don't mistake me, I'm not saying being talented is a bad thing, in fact I admire it. I genuinely do have respect for every artist or writer that cuts their teeth with all that they do, and as such, they've earned all their watchers without question. What I can't stand, however, is when certain people get their fame by literally spending money on commissions, over and over, with the same subject matter, the same pandering, the same condescension. They stare down at the plebian fans from their ivory pedestals, acting like they're so beautiful and misunderstood. "If only more people knew of my sexy vixen! She has rocking tits and a bubble butt and her hair changes color when she's angry or horny!"
In short, I'm done pretending like I matter based on the work I do for myself, the writing and modeling. Thinking about it now, I'm not sure I can even afford to be in this fandom much longer. I wish I had the confidence that some furs have with their interactions with other artists; that stream of free art from random people and talented artists must get pretty tiresome as you dance around flaunting it to your watchers. You just have to treat every update from your character as some deep and meaningful insight into the world, humanity, and ethos when in reality it's only you saying it through a far more attractive face.
So...the real news here is that I'm heading off to college again, studying something that I've wanted to do for a long time. All of this negativity just begs me to ask myself whether I'm capable of staying on this site, or in this fandom in general. I'm not asking for fame, here, I don't want that in the slightest. I just wonder why all the time I've spent trying to cultivate a sense of identity here hasn't really done anything. Then again, that in itself feels worthless in the long run, since ultimately, it shouldn't matter what others think of you. Just be who you are, and wear that fact with pride.
Maybe I'm just jaded and envious. I shouldn't stay here because I'm envious of others, it should be because I enjoy the beautiful diversity here. The different backgrounds, sexualities, beliefs, I just love how united everyone is by that common love.
*Sigh* Perhaps I'll just start over. Different name, different outlook, different species. Maybe the whole reserved ronin fox should just be kept to myself.
Maybe a wolf dancer who's into leather.
And no one is inspired by me. I can guarantee that.
Also, happy early birthday
Let me tell you, this fandom honestly isn't about finding one's self, or creating a memorable, likable character. A lot, and I mean a LOT of fans here don't even have characters to enjoy themselves. they're not looking for identity, nor meaning. Furs just want to have FUN! ^^
That's how to look at this place. It's a fun place, it's unique, it's diverse, there's no other fandom like it on Earth. That's a lot to be proud of, to be part of.
And Lani, if you're at all offended by any of this, I didn't mean it to be a personal attack on anyone. Everyone here should find happiness in whatever way they choose, but sometimes it just baffles me how they do it. Though I will admit, it's rather easy for you to say all of that from where you are now; published author, iconic fursona, etc. No offense.
If you tried walking in my shoes, or paws, for a day or two on this site, without any of your contacts and free art, after a while you start to feel small. Just saying.
I'm sure you'll find more than a few people willing to express themselves.
and maybe meeting new people who might be willing to be my friends. ive sadly been distant
with many lately due to stress and another family loss.