That's a tough call, man. I've never really gotten much of a response to my poetry, either positive or negative, though I've been lucky in that the few responses I've received were positive. I know how you feel, sharing anything art-related is like sharing a part of yourself with the world, and you feel wary about what others might think. But in the end, it's your call to make. Don't let anyone ever tell you not to write what you want. Those are your words, your feelings, and you have every right to put them to paper. If they don't like that, then they can go fuck a blender.

For me personally, I've always written depressive poetry; at least, up until fairly recently. I struggle with lifelong depression, and writing helped me deal with that during a tough time in my life. Sadly I don't write as much anymore, my last poem having been written a few years back, but I may write again in the future if the inspiration hits me.

As for you, well, I'll just suggest that you write what you want to write anyway. Like I said, they're your words, and you have every right to write them. ^^

Thanks, I really appreciate it. Lately I feel like I've been doing nothing but...well, not so much wrestling with my demons so much as being overwhelmed by them. Any time I try to bring up what I'm feeling, it's immediately discarded through a topic change, or whoever I'm talking to waves it away like I'm just joking. I know I'm kind of deadpan and sarcastic in person, but when I do try to talk to people, it's not very comforting to know they don't actually give a whit's worth one way or another. Can't speak to family because they jump down my throat, giving false platitudes straight off fortune cookies or "Oh you should see a doctor about that. Get some drugs for that." Can't speak to friends because they turn away or turn the conversation to their own unrelated thing. Half of them don't even want to HEAR I have a problem, because for most of them, I'm the anchor rock of reason in their lives, the one thing that literally can't change or doesn't change, and to find out I'm having issues disturbs them more than anything.

I might decide to post what I wrote, maybe after a few more fine tunes, and after I've had a few days to try to get back to a slightly less depressed state. It's never good to post anything in the midst of emotion, no matter which way it swings. Besides, I want to get a few private opinions on it first, soon as I can pin some people down to read it without instantly judging me.

I've never given voice to my demons, but this thing...I kinda did. And I don't want to give it to someone to read who is going to get two lines in and trot out some line, thinking it helps. Ya know?

Yeah, sometimes you just want an honest opinion and not a generic "insert comforting words here" speech, from someone who has no idea what you're going through. I admit I've done that myself, because I hate to hear when someone is feeling depressed since I suffer from that as well and want to comfort them the best I can, but sometimes you just have to fight your own battles, y'know?

Been fighting those battles all my life, so yeah, I know. I tend to collapse inward when depressed, so I go quiet and no notices really. Not till I finally say something, at which point I get called melodramatic and told to cut it out, because I try to describe how I feel.

For me, it helps to do things that I like or be active, but sometimes that isn't enough. When it's not, I just have to power through it. It can get bad at times, but thankfully those time are rare these days. It was pretty bad for a few years, though, back in the late 90's-2000, I'm lucky I made it through.

The people telling you that are kinda jerks, to be honest. No one going through depression needs to hear that nobody's interested in what they're going through. It feels like nobody cares, and that can just make it worse.

~shakes head~ The only thing I can say, is, if you find something that works (like writing, for example) then do it, and don't let anybody tell you not to.

It's been hard to be active the last few years. Had a bunch of stuff happen and I've been spending the last two years picking up the pieces. Finally getting my life back into shape enough that, with the important stuff out of the way, my mind can now drift to the stuff that merely bothers it, and blow THAT out of proportion. "Don't need to worry about finances anymore; here, worry this into the ground instead!" kind of warped logic. When I do have an idea I try to write it up as fast as I can, but sometimes I don't get it in text fast enough. Or it doesn't translate.

Writing is about all I got. I used to paint figures, but for the last few years I haven't had much of a will to do that. (that and I'm 90% sure my paint supply needs resupply, and that's a fair chunk of change.)

Yeah, that's the 'high anxiety' part that you're experiencing, there. Fun little combo, isn't it. Either you're so depressed that nothing feels worth doing, or you have so much anxiety that, even if you find something to do, you're too afraid of it going wrong to do it. Not something I'd wish on anybody.

And yeah, I have that problem with ideas myself. I'll get an idea at, like, 3am or something, but I'll be too tired to write it down (or type it up), then when I get up I've completely forgotten the idea I had. I try to write down little snippets of things when I get them (random phrases a character might say, random mini-ideas about something the character could be doing, etc.), but I'm not always successful. I used to have an entire .txt file of random shit, but I don't know what happened to it.

I'd like to get into painting figures, but I wouldn't be very good at it. I'd probably get better with practice, though.

Oh such a fun combo. Everything becomes gray and dull and even your most favorite things have no interest for you because you feel like you're faking your way through it. On the other hand, there are times when I'm just depressed and not anxious, and it's when I get some of my best writing done. I can't tell if it's the depression making it easier to write, but the happier I feel, the harder it is to write or something like that. Usually.

3AM is that kind of time of the night. Some call it the Witching Hour, when the veil is thin and ghosts and ghoulies can come get ya, others find it's their most productive time, right before unconciousness. I'm completely that kind of person. Sometimes, I wonder if the two are related somehow.

My phone is literally filled with shorthand notes for things that can and will go absolutely nowhere, but that I had to write down before I forgot, or just so I could get them out of my head so they'd stop haunting me with their potential.

Figures are easy compared to doing art; the object is already pre-made for you, so it's not like you need to figure out proportions or anything. I will admit it's kind of fun to learn new techniques though. Kind of like learning martial arts moves from a secret master. The day I learned dry-brushing, the quality of my painting took a dramatic step upwards, and there was totally a giddy feeling when I learned to blend to achieve shading properly, and using washes to amplify or modify certain colors.

I've sent the story over to a trusted friend to go over, and I think I've almost fixed it up enough to be worthy of post. Might get it there later this week, if things work out. I actually have confidence about it, now that I've gotten some feedback on it and it hasn't come back with the word 'pretentious' scrawled over it in red ink.

The broken bits of ideas that I write down always haunt me with their potential (like an idea I had for a book trilogy that went absolutely nowhere...), but I'd go nuts if I didn't at least get them out of my head in some way. I have a short story that was rapidly turning into a long one before I called it quits (it just started out as a simple sex-scene for a friend of mine, whom I haven't talked to in well over a decade, and last I checked it went through a complete rewrite and had the plots written out for 14 chapters. >.<), so even writing the ideas down doesn't stop them completely, but it helps.

As for the figures, my main worry is not getting the paint to coat evenly enough, and ending up with lumps instead of an even coat. Might give it a shot someday, though.

If you ever post what you wrote here, I'll give it a once over and let you know what I think. ^^ Feel free to browse through my writings if you want, also.

Will do. I'm waiting for a freelance editor friend to get back to me with approval/disapproval on the rewriting I did, but I don't know if they're going to get back to me soon, so I might just have to take a chance and hope the changes I made maintain the effect and don't diminish the story. I had to rewrite a while section which pointed in an area I didn't mean it to (but which still gives me consternation). If I don't hear back from them by the end of today I'm going to post what I have, and just..hope. I can always edit the file later if need be.

Getting paint evenly is fairly easy; if you think the paint is too thick in an area, you just use a cleaned brush to wipe it away or remove some until it's where you want it. If you feel like you really screwed up a thing, you can always dunk it in whatever qualifies as a paintthinner. (the paints I use are almost like organic rubber or something, rather than acrylic, so normal paint thinner doesn't work great on them. I've heard others use brake fluid but I'm not keeping that on hand.) In any case, if you take a lot of time and very carefully decide what you're going to do before you even apply a paintbrush, each stroke will be the first and last; no redoes required.

Don't do like me and start with WH40K figures though. They's is pricey to say the least. They look great but are fairly overpriced. WWII themed figures would be a good alternative, at least to me.

Yeah, that's kind've why I don't write anymore, constant rewrites are a bitch. And you want to know the worst thing about them? The original ideas never really go away, so you have whatever you end up with plus all the ideas from however many rewrites you did. :/

I think I'm just worried about getting the paint to look right. I could probably paint a figure pretty well if I just kept at it, but it's anxiety that gives me the lack of motivation to do it, I think. And yeah, if I ever did decide to get into painting figures, I'd definitely start small. Cheap, generic figures would probably be my starting point. I wouldn't want to waste money by practicing on the really expensive stuff.

Forgot to hit the reply box.