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Shit From 2017
8 years ago
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So here’s some shit that happened last year. Some good. Some bad. Some controversial. All related to media and forms of entertainment. I’m gonna talk about it now. There will be some spoilers for things.
GOOD SHIT:
1. Logan: Okay, to be honest? I’m kinda sick and tired of superhero films. I’m just sick of ‘em. But Logan was by far the one movie that I saw, and I enjoyed it. And then I thought about it more and more. And after much contemplation, I realized that Logan was a movie that I generally respect both for the direction it took and because in hindsight, it made me respect the X-Men film franchise as a whole. Yes, even that shitty X-Men Origins: Wolverine and the cheesy X-Men: Apocalypse movies. Because this just shows the good and the bad from a film franchise. You’re gonna have your ups. You’re gonna have your downs. The MCU franchise is consistently good and nothing else (save for a few exceptions). DCEU does not know what the fuck its doing. At all. We got Wonder Woman. That’s it. Everything else is either boring or shitty.
2. Fargo: Fargo once again shows the brutally dark, comedic, realistic consequences of what happens when you immediately think murder is the best solution. Not as good as Season 2, but I adore the villain and his pragmatic but malicious schemes.
3. Nintendo does what Nintendo does: Full disclosure: I do not have the Switch. I do not care. This is going on the GOOD SHIT list anyway. I’ve seen gameplay footage; I’ve seen reviews, heard commentary, blah blah blah. Nintendo continues to show us that they don’t just do the same shit over and over and over again. They keep the same formula, repackage it, enhance it, add new gimmicks to it, and continue to build upon it. That’s how a game franchise should work. Even when Mario Kart 8 came out on the Wii U, I willingly paid for that game’s DLC because it was optional. You didn’t need it to beat the damn game. Nintendo releases games THAT ARE FUCKING. FINISHED. So thank you, Nintendo. Thank you for not only admitting when you make mistakes, but for also pleasing the fans and caring more about the quality of your games, not the quantity of money you make.
4. Scott Cawthon: Okay, full disclosure: I have not played the Freddy Fazber Pizza Simulator game. I will. At some point. When I get the balls to jump into the franchise again. >__< Look, say what you will about Cawthon and FNaF. Cawthon is the Nintendo of indie developers. Yes, he has made some mistakes. But you can’t help but admire someone who releases a game that’s “bad” and then refunds everyone’s money, and then re-releases the game for free. And then, last year, after explaining he was having issues with making FNaF 6, he releases the damn game anyway. For free. And it’s completely different in tone and style compared to the first four.
5. The Dishonoured Wolf: So there’s this shitty dick-sucking furfag on YouTube who likes to whine and bitch about shit all the damn time, like that ass-monkey I Hate Everything. The shocker here, is that his videos do not suck dick! They’re actually very informative and thought-provoking about society and the state of the cesspool known as the shitty-ass video game and movie industry. And America in general. I adore his videos. A lot. Subscribe to his channel and he’ll give you a nasty-ass rimjob for free! (Hopefully The Dishonoured Wolf will not sue me for trying to imitate him. >__<)
6. Coco: Sooooooooooooo yeah. Pixar is back. That probably isn’t saying much since last year had a shit-load of bad animated movies, but this was one that I fully adored in every aspect and every way. The animation, the characters, the style, the colorful imagery and backgrounds, the music, and the fact that this movie actually had me crying for over five minutes straight. By far the best animated film of last year.
7.
pokemonmanic3595 made me watch a bunch of animated movies: So I finally saw Wreck-It Ralph last year. And The LEGO Movie. And Up. Aaaaaaaaand Frozen. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Inside Out. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…
8.
IsleTheWolf sent me Kingdom Hearts: So I’m not finished with the game (and do not spoil me about it), but this is basically equivalent to Super Mario RPG, but with Disney characters. And I thoroughly enjoy it. Some levels I like more than others (fuck Tarzen Land) but the game has gotten progressively better the further along I go. And I can do stuff most RPGs won’t allow you to do. I CAN JUMP AND CLIMB ON SHIT!
9. Ivy dies in American Horror Story: Cult: You have no idea how thrilled Pokemonmanic and I were when we saw this cunt die on-screen. AHS is known for having hateable characters, but at least they have a tragic backstory, or they’re cool, or something. Not Ivy. Ivy was just a cunt who was hypocritical and only cared about herself, and had no problem mentally torturing her own wife. So when Ally poisoned the cunt over dinner, Pokemonmanic and I turned into children waking up on Christmas Day.
10. Season 4 of BoJack Horseman: So Pokemonmanic and I stayed up all night one night and binged the entire season of this show. And as always, it never disappointed. Made us laugh a lot, made us contemplate life (again), it shocked and surprised us, etc. Surprisingly nothing happened that was enough to drive us to tears. There was one bit at the end of a certain episode that left us speechless for about five minutes though. Gotta love how Netflix is responsible for both this and Trollhunters, two animated shows that everyone should watch.
So some more good shit happened. But this is the Internet. No one cares about that. All that matters are all the bad shit! Let’s get into that!
BAD SHIT:
1. Hollywood is plagued with sexual harassers and rapists: Do I seriously need to expand on this? >__> Also apparently only men rape and sexually harass people. Clearly women don’t rape people or sexually grope other men or women. Clearly. Clearly that never, ever, fucking happens.
2. Triple-A Games: I don’t think I’ve bought a new game since Star Fox Zero. And after last year, I now know why. So many games are plagued with microtransactions and loot boxes and all this other bullshit. There used to be a time where you make a game and you care about the quality of it. Now it’s just, “make a dull, or shitty game so we can make more money to make another dull, or shitty game.” And it’s frustrating, because there have been good games that came out last year. But so many of them were overshadowed by all these Triple-A, money-grubbing bullshit games. The best game(s) I played last year except for KH were Hotline Miami and Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number. What does that tell you?.
3. Death Note (2017): A movie that shows that even Netflix can pump out atrocious shit. Everything bad that has been said about this movie has been covered on YouTube. This movie made me feel bad for disliking the Ghost in the Shell adaptation. At the very least, that movie respected its fanbase, that movie had a tragic and cool villain, that movie had good acting in it, and that movie had a very slick, stylish world to it. Death Note has Willem Dafoe playing Ryuk. That is it. This movie was so shitty that when I was at the climax and I only had sixteen minutes left, I stopped watching it.
4. Online death threats: Again, don’t need to elaborate. People have sent death threats to people like Scott Gimple, Rian Johnson, and even someone who announced that FFXV would be delayed a month. People. It’s a game/movie/TV show. Calm your ass down. If you wanna rant, sure. Go ahead. But threatening to kill someone or hoping that they die horribly? My god people. >__>
5. Carl got bit by a Walker: “AW MAH GAWD! Y U SPOIL TEH WALKING BUTTS?! D:” Yes, I spoiled Season 8 of The Walking Dead. Don’t give a fuck. Carl’s “death” was underwhelming. His alleged reason for getting bit is stupid. Everything about Season 8 of The Walking Dead is fucking stupid and repetitive. I’ve defended this show for seven years. I’ve defended a lot of shit people tend to complain about with this show. Can’t do it anymore. And honestly, if you’re complaining about the spoilers, what the hell am I spoiling?! That’s all this fucking show is! THAT’S ALL THIS FRANCHISE IS! IT’S THE SAME! SHIT! I can’t even defend the games anymore; Season 3 of The Walking Dead game was shit and I didn’t care about anyone but Clementine! The comics, while I’ve heard they’re good, seems like it will never, ever end. Ever! It’s just—this is what this franchise is! There’s a group of characters! There’s a bunch of zombies! Angst happens! People die! Then more angst happens then more people die! THERE’S NOTHING TO SPOIL! IT’S THE SAME! FUCKING! THING!
6. Did not get to see The Shape of Water: This is kind of a nitpick of 2017 to be honest. But this was a movie that, after talking to Pokemonmanic quite a bit, I really wanted to see. And I couldn’t. Because it was only playing in two theaters in my entire state. I don’t like this kind of practice in Hollywood. This is discouraging film directors from making their own personal projects. Because then no one will see their precious movies, and then it won’t make money, and then when they try to make another movie, the studios don’t fund them because they say “welp, your movie won’t make enough money with regular moviegoers, so we won’t make your movie!” I’m so sick of this! I’m so sick and tired of all these over-hyped fucking films like Thor: Ragnarok and Justice League and fucking The Emoji Movie making shit-tons of money while low-budget films like The Shape of Water and Brawl in Cell Block 99 and Wind River get ignored! And on that note…
7. The Emoji Movie: This movie has decent animation. That’s the only compliment I will give it. This movie is everything wrong in terms of animation. Pandering to SJWs in a horrible way, constant memes and references, not being funny, bad lines, showing off a bunch of Internet ads and everything that’s trending and popular, blah blah blah. And of course, it makes money. Because of course, people will see it. Because of course.
8. Winter dies in American Horror Story: Cult: FFFFFFFFFFUCK! WHY?! WHY WINTER?! D: I wasn’t a huge fan of Billie Lourd in Scream Queens, but she was one of the few good things about that show. In AHS, I absolutely adored her character and her relationship with Kai and her role within the cult. I loved Billie Lourd’s acting. I even loved her attire, surprisingly. So naturally, because this is AHS, she dies. And of course it’s Ally’s fault. And of course, Ally gets away with it. Because Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk are unable to kill Sarah Paulson unless it’s the Roanoke season. Damn you. >__>
Okay, so that’s it I suppose. Lots of other stuff happened. John Wick: Chapter 2 and Get Out happened. A bunch of shitty horror movies happened. Some other well-made indie games happened. Darren Aronofsky made a movie about mother earth or some shit that I actually enjoyed (except the third act, which was absolute garbage). And there was some space opera with some people who use giant laser blade weapons or some shit. I forgot the name of it. Guess it’s not important.
I’m sure everyone wants me to get back to working on commissions and stories anyway, so I’ll do that now.
It’s 2018 everybody. Whoo and shit. Probably gonna be better than last year.
Or shittier.
Or the same.
Or whatever.
GOOD SHIT:
1. Logan: Okay, to be honest? I’m kinda sick and tired of superhero films. I’m just sick of ‘em. But Logan was by far the one movie that I saw, and I enjoyed it. And then I thought about it more and more. And after much contemplation, I realized that Logan was a movie that I generally respect both for the direction it took and because in hindsight, it made me respect the X-Men film franchise as a whole. Yes, even that shitty X-Men Origins: Wolverine and the cheesy X-Men: Apocalypse movies. Because this just shows the good and the bad from a film franchise. You’re gonna have your ups. You’re gonna have your downs. The MCU franchise is consistently good and nothing else (save for a few exceptions). DCEU does not know what the fuck its doing. At all. We got Wonder Woman. That’s it. Everything else is either boring or shitty.
2. Fargo: Fargo once again shows the brutally dark, comedic, realistic consequences of what happens when you immediately think murder is the best solution. Not as good as Season 2, but I adore the villain and his pragmatic but malicious schemes.
3. Nintendo does what Nintendo does: Full disclosure: I do not have the Switch. I do not care. This is going on the GOOD SHIT list anyway. I’ve seen gameplay footage; I’ve seen reviews, heard commentary, blah blah blah. Nintendo continues to show us that they don’t just do the same shit over and over and over again. They keep the same formula, repackage it, enhance it, add new gimmicks to it, and continue to build upon it. That’s how a game franchise should work. Even when Mario Kart 8 came out on the Wii U, I willingly paid for that game’s DLC because it was optional. You didn’t need it to beat the damn game. Nintendo releases games THAT ARE FUCKING. FINISHED. So thank you, Nintendo. Thank you for not only admitting when you make mistakes, but for also pleasing the fans and caring more about the quality of your games, not the quantity of money you make.
4. Scott Cawthon: Okay, full disclosure: I have not played the Freddy Fazber Pizza Simulator game. I will. At some point. When I get the balls to jump into the franchise again. >__< Look, say what you will about Cawthon and FNaF. Cawthon is the Nintendo of indie developers. Yes, he has made some mistakes. But you can’t help but admire someone who releases a game that’s “bad” and then refunds everyone’s money, and then re-releases the game for free. And then, last year, after explaining he was having issues with making FNaF 6, he releases the damn game anyway. For free. And it’s completely different in tone and style compared to the first four.
5. The Dishonoured Wolf: So there’s this shitty dick-sucking furfag on YouTube who likes to whine and bitch about shit all the damn time, like that ass-monkey I Hate Everything. The shocker here, is that his videos do not suck dick! They’re actually very informative and thought-provoking about society and the state of the cesspool known as the shitty-ass video game and movie industry. And America in general. I adore his videos. A lot. Subscribe to his channel and he’ll give you a nasty-ass rimjob for free! (Hopefully The Dishonoured Wolf will not sue me for trying to imitate him. >__<)
6. Coco: Sooooooooooooo yeah. Pixar is back. That probably isn’t saying much since last year had a shit-load of bad animated movies, but this was one that I fully adored in every aspect and every way. The animation, the characters, the style, the colorful imagery and backgrounds, the music, and the fact that this movie actually had me crying for over five minutes straight. By far the best animated film of last year.
7.
pokemonmanic3595 made me watch a bunch of animated movies: So I finally saw Wreck-It Ralph last year. And The LEGO Movie. And Up. Aaaaaaaaand Frozen. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Inside Out. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…8.
IsleTheWolf sent me Kingdom Hearts: So I’m not finished with the game (and do not spoil me about it), but this is basically equivalent to Super Mario RPG, but with Disney characters. And I thoroughly enjoy it. Some levels I like more than others (fuck Tarzen Land) but the game has gotten progressively better the further along I go. And I can do stuff most RPGs won’t allow you to do. I CAN JUMP AND CLIMB ON SHIT!9. Ivy dies in American Horror Story: Cult: You have no idea how thrilled Pokemonmanic and I were when we saw this cunt die on-screen. AHS is known for having hateable characters, but at least they have a tragic backstory, or they’re cool, or something. Not Ivy. Ivy was just a cunt who was hypocritical and only cared about herself, and had no problem mentally torturing her own wife. So when Ally poisoned the cunt over dinner, Pokemonmanic and I turned into children waking up on Christmas Day.
10. Season 4 of BoJack Horseman: So Pokemonmanic and I stayed up all night one night and binged the entire season of this show. And as always, it never disappointed. Made us laugh a lot, made us contemplate life (again), it shocked and surprised us, etc. Surprisingly nothing happened that was enough to drive us to tears. There was one bit at the end of a certain episode that left us speechless for about five minutes though. Gotta love how Netflix is responsible for both this and Trollhunters, two animated shows that everyone should watch.
So some more good shit happened. But this is the Internet. No one cares about that. All that matters are all the bad shit! Let’s get into that!
BAD SHIT:
1. Hollywood is plagued with sexual harassers and rapists: Do I seriously need to expand on this? >__> Also apparently only men rape and sexually harass people. Clearly women don’t rape people or sexually grope other men or women. Clearly. Clearly that never, ever, fucking happens.
2. Triple-A Games: I don’t think I’ve bought a new game since Star Fox Zero. And after last year, I now know why. So many games are plagued with microtransactions and loot boxes and all this other bullshit. There used to be a time where you make a game and you care about the quality of it. Now it’s just, “make a dull, or shitty game so we can make more money to make another dull, or shitty game.” And it’s frustrating, because there have been good games that came out last year. But so many of them were overshadowed by all these Triple-A, money-grubbing bullshit games. The best game(s) I played last year except for KH were Hotline Miami and Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number. What does that tell you?.
3. Death Note (2017): A movie that shows that even Netflix can pump out atrocious shit. Everything bad that has been said about this movie has been covered on YouTube. This movie made me feel bad for disliking the Ghost in the Shell adaptation. At the very least, that movie respected its fanbase, that movie had a tragic and cool villain, that movie had good acting in it, and that movie had a very slick, stylish world to it. Death Note has Willem Dafoe playing Ryuk. That is it. This movie was so shitty that when I was at the climax and I only had sixteen minutes left, I stopped watching it.
4. Online death threats: Again, don’t need to elaborate. People have sent death threats to people like Scott Gimple, Rian Johnson, and even someone who announced that FFXV would be delayed a month. People. It’s a game/movie/TV show. Calm your ass down. If you wanna rant, sure. Go ahead. But threatening to kill someone or hoping that they die horribly? My god people. >__>
5. Carl got bit by a Walker: “AW MAH GAWD! Y U SPOIL TEH WALKING BUTTS?! D:” Yes, I spoiled Season 8 of The Walking Dead. Don’t give a fuck. Carl’s “death” was underwhelming. His alleged reason for getting bit is stupid. Everything about Season 8 of The Walking Dead is fucking stupid and repetitive. I’ve defended this show for seven years. I’ve defended a lot of shit people tend to complain about with this show. Can’t do it anymore. And honestly, if you’re complaining about the spoilers, what the hell am I spoiling?! That’s all this fucking show is! THAT’S ALL THIS FRANCHISE IS! IT’S THE SAME! SHIT! I can’t even defend the games anymore; Season 3 of The Walking Dead game was shit and I didn’t care about anyone but Clementine! The comics, while I’ve heard they’re good, seems like it will never, ever end. Ever! It’s just—this is what this franchise is! There’s a group of characters! There’s a bunch of zombies! Angst happens! People die! Then more angst happens then more people die! THERE’S NOTHING TO SPOIL! IT’S THE SAME! FUCKING! THING!
6. Did not get to see The Shape of Water: This is kind of a nitpick of 2017 to be honest. But this was a movie that, after talking to Pokemonmanic quite a bit, I really wanted to see. And I couldn’t. Because it was only playing in two theaters in my entire state. I don’t like this kind of practice in Hollywood. This is discouraging film directors from making their own personal projects. Because then no one will see their precious movies, and then it won’t make money, and then when they try to make another movie, the studios don’t fund them because they say “welp, your movie won’t make enough money with regular moviegoers, so we won’t make your movie!” I’m so sick of this! I’m so sick and tired of all these over-hyped fucking films like Thor: Ragnarok and Justice League and fucking The Emoji Movie making shit-tons of money while low-budget films like The Shape of Water and Brawl in Cell Block 99 and Wind River get ignored! And on that note…
7. The Emoji Movie: This movie has decent animation. That’s the only compliment I will give it. This movie is everything wrong in terms of animation. Pandering to SJWs in a horrible way, constant memes and references, not being funny, bad lines, showing off a bunch of Internet ads and everything that’s trending and popular, blah blah blah. And of course, it makes money. Because of course, people will see it. Because of course.
8. Winter dies in American Horror Story: Cult: FFFFFFFFFFUCK! WHY?! WHY WINTER?! D: I wasn’t a huge fan of Billie Lourd in Scream Queens, but she was one of the few good things about that show. In AHS, I absolutely adored her character and her relationship with Kai and her role within the cult. I loved Billie Lourd’s acting. I even loved her attire, surprisingly. So naturally, because this is AHS, she dies. And of course it’s Ally’s fault. And of course, Ally gets away with it. Because Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk are unable to kill Sarah Paulson unless it’s the Roanoke season. Damn you. >__>
Okay, so that’s it I suppose. Lots of other stuff happened. John Wick: Chapter 2 and Get Out happened. A bunch of shitty horror movies happened. Some other well-made indie games happened. Darren Aronofsky made a movie about mother earth or some shit that I actually enjoyed (except the third act, which was absolute garbage). And there was some space opera with some people who use giant laser blade weapons or some shit. I forgot the name of it. Guess it’s not important.
I’m sure everyone wants me to get back to working on commissions and stories anyway, so I’ll do that now.
It’s 2018 everybody. Whoo and shit. Probably gonna be better than last year.
Or shittier.
Or the same.
Or whatever.
And on the flip side you introduced to a lot of live action films I've never seen: like No Country For Old Men, The Departed, The Dark Knight and District 9. :p