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An update and a happy new year
8 years ago
General
Khaírete, this is going to be a difficult journal to write; so I hope whoever reads this is able to bear with me.
Lately, things have been rather tumultuous emotionally. In November, I had unexpectedly relapsed into depression, my worldview overlapped with cynicism and self-hate. Despite that however, I continued to be active in the community of FA and continued to slave over the first chapter of Shadows, just as I am doing at the time of this entry.
Then I had to put that aside for two weeks in favour of a trip to Wyoming to spend time with my fiancee and I came back disappointed in myself, feeling that any infliction upon myself, be it emotional or physical, was ultimately warranted. The end-of-year depression was still very much present and I feel like I failed someone important to me, even though they say otherwise - something I cannot help but feel is a pale facsimile.
In truth, I feel I'm an indecisive shell of a man, ravaged by aspergers syndrome, depression and cynicism; parts of me wired in a way that most would likely call abnormal. I feel I am only just starting to truly uncover my potential though and that could possibly lead to better things.
On the subject of Megaplex 2018, I'm still uncertain on weather or not I will attend, I still very much wish to. Its the source of part of this present bout of depression I believe. Nice thing about future events such as that though, is that there is no real way to predict what will happen, perhaps I may end up there after all and if that should be the case, then I'd be honoured.
Likely, this has come off as a twenty something whinging and rambling about his problems so early in the morning on the second day of the new year. In that case, I'm not sure who would read this to completion.
On that note, I wish everyone a happy new year.
Lately, things have been rather tumultuous emotionally. In November, I had unexpectedly relapsed into depression, my worldview overlapped with cynicism and self-hate. Despite that however, I continued to be active in the community of FA and continued to slave over the first chapter of Shadows, just as I am doing at the time of this entry.
Then I had to put that aside for two weeks in favour of a trip to Wyoming to spend time with my fiancee and I came back disappointed in myself, feeling that any infliction upon myself, be it emotional or physical, was ultimately warranted. The end-of-year depression was still very much present and I feel like I failed someone important to me, even though they say otherwise - something I cannot help but feel is a pale facsimile.
In truth, I feel I'm an indecisive shell of a man, ravaged by aspergers syndrome, depression and cynicism; parts of me wired in a way that most would likely call abnormal. I feel I am only just starting to truly uncover my potential though and that could possibly lead to better things.
On the subject of Megaplex 2018, I'm still uncertain on weather or not I will attend, I still very much wish to. Its the source of part of this present bout of depression I believe. Nice thing about future events such as that though, is that there is no real way to predict what will happen, perhaps I may end up there after all and if that should be the case, then I'd be honoured.
Likely, this has come off as a twenty something whinging and rambling about his problems so early in the morning on the second day of the new year. In that case, I'm not sure who would read this to completion.
On that note, I wish everyone a happy new year.
As difficult as it may have been to write this journal, id say that it takes a lot of courage to put what you feel on the inside out there. It’d seem that you’ve been sailing through rough seas as of late but would say that keeping tabs of everything you’re going through is important in getting a good perspective on where you’ve been, where you are, and where you might want to go. Even if you don’t have all of that clearly defined at any given time, having some idea is a good first step. I sure as hell don’t know always, but will occasionally take time to think back on a particular period of life and it can give a clue as to the direction I may need to go.
I think you’ve got a lot going for you Hania, and you aim for excellence. Striving to do the best for yourself and the ones you love. You may say indecisive, but in another way i might see that as wanting to make the absolute best decision possible. This speaking from my own experiences as I tend to dwell on decisions and choices far beyond what’s necessary at times in efforts to ensure the best outcome possible. Heh think I’m starting to ramble but my main point being that id focus on that huge potential, and I want for you to continue steering yourself in a way to take advantage of this potential. Also you’re in no way alone. To be honest I’m going toe-to-toe with my own form of depression that I never expected. Each of ours is very different and unique, however we can all offer encouraging words to help each other through. Helping each other smile or find something positive to think about when it feels like it’s near impossible to do so on your own.
As time progresses I hope you continue to grow tremendously in wisdom and knowledge, both about yourself and the world around you.