FA+
Shop
Waiting for some good news...
7 years ago
I know, it's like, I have nearly everything I want in life. But it's hard to come to terms with the fact that it doesn't really give you what you hoped for. It's nice to have what I have and I wouldn't want to be without it, but it really doesn't bring fulfillment.
Years ago I used to help an elderly couple run their food ministry, the only reason I got involved was because I was in a bad spot, basically I was homeless, abandoned on a large ranch where there was a water war going on, all alone, being shot at by the neighbors, no job, miles from anywhere, food running out.
I had enough fuel to go into town and apply at all the fast food joints, no luck. Spending $8 on fuel and hours of collecting cans to recycle by digging in garbage got me $14.
SO I went from church to church trying to figure out who could give me some food, because it was running out... Some churches said I had to be a member for 3 months before they'd give me any food XD Well I'd be dead by then. But one church said, load yourself up! So I did and WOW. I have cake, meat, bread, yogurt, eggs, I went from eating ramen noodles 3x a day for weeks to eating better than I ever had.
I was so grateful I ended up helping them out, and went from being on a ranch that was sold from under me to living with this couple, driving a ten ton diesel truck and picking up food, distributing it to various churches, sober living homes, and etc.
I didn't make a dime, I was never paid any cash. My room and board were taken care of, and of course I ate like a king. To this day I haven't ever eaten as good XD
And so for 6 years I lived like this, maybe doing small jobs here and there to make enough cash to maybe buy something I wanted. I remember having a $20 bill in my wallet, and 3 months later, the same $20 was still in there, nothing had entered into the wallet or come out.
And yet I had my insurance paid, fuel in my bike, food, shelter, but I wasn't saving for the future or anything.
So they eventually dissolve the food ministry and I move out to Arizona with my mom on various horse ranches, because there's work here. Now, I have 5 acres with a million dollar mountain view, butted up against BLM land that will always be wild, I have vehicles, for pleasure, for work, for off roading, for camping. Whereas years ago I had one old truck I barely kept running and was worried about being stranded because of it.
I am well- fed, have a reasonably prosperous construction company (Although things are slow presently). I have two dogs that I adore.
I have a tractor XD
But looking back, living in that ancient, run-down single wide mobile home- and not even in all of it, just the room and bathroom in the back, and the kitchen in the front, the rest of it had freezers and fridges used to keep the ministry food good until we could distribute it.
Looking back on those hard times, when my only TV was a small LCD TV I had to repair, I had 4 TV channels only one of which came in that well, no internet, just miles of mountains and desert expanses... Honestly guys I was never happier, I didn't have money I didn't have the stuff I have now, I had no land, no real home, nowhere to go and no way to get there, but now that I have those things, I realize how fleeting they are. They don't provide any true fulfillment.
The Bible says that one the day of a man's death, all of his plans end.
I am getting right with God. So much is being torn down and broken down in my life, my mind, my heart to be receptive to what is true, what is eternal.
I don't know why I am writing this, honestly, just woke up feeling depressed and kind of Meh. SO much heart break and weird sh*t going on in my life, just... Kinda want some good news to happen for me, but right now, I am not even sure what would truly be "Good news" because so much that seems good... Just isn't. And so much that seems bad, or empty, is actually the way to fulfillment and life.
IDK I'm just rambling, I'm sorry.
I hope y'all get some awesome news today.
Lord knows I could use some.
Years ago I used to help an elderly couple run their food ministry, the only reason I got involved was because I was in a bad spot, basically I was homeless, abandoned on a large ranch where there was a water war going on, all alone, being shot at by the neighbors, no job, miles from anywhere, food running out.
I had enough fuel to go into town and apply at all the fast food joints, no luck. Spending $8 on fuel and hours of collecting cans to recycle by digging in garbage got me $14.
SO I went from church to church trying to figure out who could give me some food, because it was running out... Some churches said I had to be a member for 3 months before they'd give me any food XD Well I'd be dead by then. But one church said, load yourself up! So I did and WOW. I have cake, meat, bread, yogurt, eggs, I went from eating ramen noodles 3x a day for weeks to eating better than I ever had.
I was so grateful I ended up helping them out, and went from being on a ranch that was sold from under me to living with this couple, driving a ten ton diesel truck and picking up food, distributing it to various churches, sober living homes, and etc.
I didn't make a dime, I was never paid any cash. My room and board were taken care of, and of course I ate like a king. To this day I haven't ever eaten as good XD
And so for 6 years I lived like this, maybe doing small jobs here and there to make enough cash to maybe buy something I wanted. I remember having a $20 bill in my wallet, and 3 months later, the same $20 was still in there, nothing had entered into the wallet or come out.
And yet I had my insurance paid, fuel in my bike, food, shelter, but I wasn't saving for the future or anything.
So they eventually dissolve the food ministry and I move out to Arizona with my mom on various horse ranches, because there's work here. Now, I have 5 acres with a million dollar mountain view, butted up against BLM land that will always be wild, I have vehicles, for pleasure, for work, for off roading, for camping. Whereas years ago I had one old truck I barely kept running and was worried about being stranded because of it.
I am well- fed, have a reasonably prosperous construction company (Although things are slow presently). I have two dogs that I adore.
I have a tractor XD
But looking back, living in that ancient, run-down single wide mobile home- and not even in all of it, just the room and bathroom in the back, and the kitchen in the front, the rest of it had freezers and fridges used to keep the ministry food good until we could distribute it.
Looking back on those hard times, when my only TV was a small LCD TV I had to repair, I had 4 TV channels only one of which came in that well, no internet, just miles of mountains and desert expanses... Honestly guys I was never happier, I didn't have money I didn't have the stuff I have now, I had no land, no real home, nowhere to go and no way to get there, but now that I have those things, I realize how fleeting they are. They don't provide any true fulfillment.
The Bible says that one the day of a man's death, all of his plans end.
I am getting right with God. So much is being torn down and broken down in my life, my mind, my heart to be receptive to what is true, what is eternal.
I don't know why I am writing this, honestly, just woke up feeling depressed and kind of Meh. SO much heart break and weird sh*t going on in my life, just... Kinda want some good news to happen for me, but right now, I am not even sure what would truly be "Good news" because so much that seems good... Just isn't. And so much that seems bad, or empty, is actually the way to fulfillment and life.
IDK I'm just rambling, I'm sorry.
I hope y'all get some awesome news today.
Lord knows I could use some.
V.
Sometimes no matter how pleasant some happy memories are, looking back on them creates too much pain from remembering what was experienced and will never be experienced again.
Today I was told that where I worked for more than ten years, I can become unnecessary. Is it my senses sharpened? or caused the apathy? The second option. In many ways, people can not be trusted and rely on them. Perhaps this is my test.
Man, I am so sorry to hear they let you go... Yes, this is a test for us both my friend, please hang in there, do your due diligence and let God take care of the rest, and He will come through for you!