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A Confession and Some Clarification
8 years ago
I'm moving back to this account.
I've got a lot to say and a lot to apologise for.
I feel as though I made a new account to run away from old problems and responsibilities (Commission queues etc), but it's weighed dang fucking heavy (for obvious reasons). I don't want sympathy. I want to explain.
I've had a lot of issues, mostly in the past 2-3 years of me becoming a less than responsible and capable adult. Stress, anxiety and depression all played a part and I fell into what me and my therapist have called a "Self gratification" circle, when I get down in the dumps I spend money. It got me into some debt so I thought of commissions as an easy means of money. That was far from the case, they added to the stress and made things worse. The cycle continued and continued for those years and I honestly felt powerless to stop it. It felt as thought it was just a natural instinct that couldn't be halted.
Things have changed; I've quit my job to benefit my mental health. My therapist has helped me to see what things have been causing me so many mental health issues. Issues that led to a downward spiral of self harm and attempted suicide.
I'm getting better.
I want to be better and I don't want to hide from my past mistakes.
If I owe you a commission, please reach out to me so we can sort something out.
The goal of me coming back to this account is for me to embrace what this fandom meant to me 4-6 years ago; Friends, fun and just a place to share my art regardless of it's content and enjoy that content with others. I don't want this to be about money anymore.
I want this to be about sharing common interests with folks.
I don't expect understanding from everyone, but I feel better in myself getting things out in the open.
Glad to be back with people.
Hoping people can see it from my point of view and not think I was deliberately trying to steal money.
Let's hope I can keep it up when I get new work!
I feel better in myself for coming clean and just having things in the open. Not good locking shit away.
Thank you c: