So I have been doing alot of thinking lately. Money is still a bit tight, but I am alright. Now awhile back someone asked me a very good question: "Why do you get so many commissions"

Well for those who are wondering is because 1 like anyone else who gets are, I really enjoy it and 2 it helps with my emotions. I still deal with alot of the same shit I have been living with and dealing with people at my job doesn't help. I hate that feeling of being pressured all the time, being talked over or interrupted, Having to do someone else's job and the one that happens the most is having to stay late at my job because of someone's arrogance or mistakes (Seriously the last 15 days I have worked I have had to stay almost an hour late 13 of those days). That constant feeling of being ignored kills me. Luckily brainstorming ideas for my ocs and talking and gaming with friends tends to make me feel better. However just like they are there for me, I try to be there for them as much as possible, most of the time it is emotional support (Not the best at, but I truely try) and financial support. Now most people I know take commissions to try to raise money and I really try to commission them if they need the money, if not then I try to spead my commissions out. Now I do like to keep in close touch with the people I commission via notes or a chat program like Discord, Skype, or telegram and like I honestly try to believe everyone can be trusted (terrible way to think I know), but sadly that is becoming less and less true

Now I know as a artist when people constantly keep asking about the art you owe them gets really annoying, that is why I honestly just try to avoid asking as much as possible, sadly for this reason I lost a friend, but because I kept asking, but she had the idea that I only cared for her art work and not her which was the 100% opposite of the truth and she deleted me off her contacts for it. (She has sent me a note apologizing, but things won't change...) However it is just getting to the point with a few people that I have to be asking and I know some people out there I commissioned haven't even started and it has been 1 or 2 weeks? Maybe a month? and you know that is fine in fact if you need time to yourself because of personal problems or travel or shit even just feeling sick? That is all good, just let me know, I know some people have their mixed opinions (Like I care about them...) of me, but for those who don't know me that well I am pretty chill about commissions. But there are a few out there who I have been waiting almost 5-6 months for. Some are still active on FA, but refuse to talk to me and others are active, talk to me, then make me some false promises. I am sorry, but you guys are terrible! Back in November I commissioned someone and they told me they would get to it the next day? Ok, then they began to feel sad about a lost family member, I get that. But now they are active on FA, won't reply to my messages both on FA and discord. Another instance is I have been waiting for art from someone for almost an entire year now. I have moved out and moved back in during that time span, I have sent them money to get through the month so you could have a roof over your head, I have sent them money so they can have their cigarettes when I swore I wouldn't feed any addictions, I have even sent them money so they could have food even knowing I would go hungry for a week and yet here I am constantly being lied to. Anytime I go to them about it they promise I am next then take whatever commission is thrown out in front of them. Just recently I asked about it and now I am fourth in line and when that didn't sit quiet well with me I was told they have done art for me and I need to wait despite the fact I want my art. I just want to know if your making progress after a year one at least 1 thing.

You know I don't understand artists with commissions. I don't understand how you guys take your commissions and if there is a specific order. I'll never understand because I gave up the ghost awhile ago, but how does this not bug you guys! You don't keep in touch with your commissioners or you just bury a commission and do other commissions. I promise you most of the people I commission I try to work with by swapping ideas, commissioning things they are interested in, but come on. Most people I commission are very honest and I trust, but if you not willing to be commited to art the commission request of you you either need to cancel and refund their money if they sent it or not take commissions at all. Seriously I have almost $300-400 of commission money sitting in the void.

Also to my friend who deleted me, if your still watching me... Your free to add me again, remember you left me, not the other way around. But enough of the shit, I have tried to explain it more then once and here I am explaining it again; quit assuming the worst of me. I was your friend, I cared very deeply about you, but I was always the terrible one in your eyes, the greedy scum bag who only liked you for your art. The same person who never asked for free art, who was always there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on and tried to comfort you when you lost your horse. Seems like alot of work and care for someone who only wanted art from you and forgiveness might be more then you deserve, but I can't stay mad or upset after everything we have been through.