I'm struggling with a really weird thought right now, and I figured maybe someone would find it interesting if I said something about it to the open void of the internet.

"Okay" is an interesting concept in and of itself. As a word, we often use it to refer to things that aren't really "good", but aren't really "bad", either. Like, "Well, this work of art is just okay", as thought to state that it's good enough, that it'll get the job done, but that it has room to improve, that it could be better. It could be "good", or "great", or "fantastic" or "extraordinary" or "amazing" or "phenomenal" and so on... But it's not. It's good enough, but it's not what we wanted. It's like saying something's good, but it's really bad. That the bad aspects of something are in equal proportion to the good aspects of it. An "Okay sandwich" has the right ingredients, but maybe there's a little too much mustard, or maybe the bread's a little stale. An "okay pizza" gets the job done, but it's not very pretty, the ingredients aren't as evenly distributed as they could be, and the shape isn't right.

And it's easy to objectivize things like food that are about personal preference or taste and say "I don't like it but it's good enough", but then you have things like "are you okay?" or saying "it's okay" to comfort someone, and I guess that idea of "it sucks but it'll do" applies there, because when someone's upset and we ask if they're okay, we're aware that they're upset, that something's wrong, but we're asking if they'll get through it. And if asking doesn't help, we'll talk them through it and say "it's okay", because even if it sucks, it'll do, and even if you don't like it, it's good enough.

But a lot of the time, things aren't really okay, but we put on a fake smile and say "it's okay", as a way of asking for something better while saying it's good enough, that it'll do for now. A breakup with your boyfriend is "okay", being single for years on end is "okay", having memories of your childhood bully is "okay". But if you get talking to someone about these things, they're usually not "okay", because these things suck, but we can talk ourselves into believing that they're not as bad as they seem, or that they're even good! And that's not okay, because it sucks that we create false justifications for things, but it's not good enough- it won't do- because we might never realize that the truth was simply that it sucked. It's a velvet lined coffin. It sucks, the very state of existence sucks; it's a coffin! But it's a pretty nice coffin; it could be a worse state of existence.

And the confusing part, is that while it's not okay for some things to be okay, it is okay for a lot of things to not be okay. "There's something wrong with this work of art", "there's something wrong with this sandwich", "there's something wrong with this pizza", "there's something wrong with our relationship", "there's something wrong with me being lonely", "there's something wrong with my emotional state", "there's something wrong with these 'okay' things".

It's okay, to not be okay. We all have problems, most things aren't going to live up to your expectations and that's okay. The important part is discerning where "this is okay" should really be "this is not okay", and context matters. It's okay for the guy at Subway to have skimped out on the number of olives on your sandwich, and it's okay for the pizza sauce you made to have come out badly, but it's not okay to be in a relationship that's actively or passively hurting you, and it's not okay to wake up every morning and consider suicide, and it's not okay to bottle up how not okay things are, but it's also okay to rejoice in how okay other things are!

By admitting that something's bad, but good enough, we can try to improve it. If the sandwich was bad, ask for extra olives next time. If the pizza was bad, try something new. If the relationship hurts, talk about a change. If being single hurts, strive for a change. It's okay to talk about how bad things are, and it's okay to praise how good things are, but it's not okay to never consider that something's not okay.

...

I guess I just feel like we need to know the problems there are with things and be comfortable admitting to them. There are flaws in the world. Tiny ones, that don't really mean anything, but would make life suck a little less if they weren't there. Big ones, that make us ponder suicide before pondering change, and would make life so much better if they weren't there.

Sometimes we need to accept that some things are "okay", especially the ones that aren't that bad, or are beyond our control. If your friend's grandmother dies, god damn, it sucks, but it's okay because it had nothing to do with you and all you can do is come to terms with it.

And sometimes we need to accept that things are "not okay", especially the ones that are really bad, and within our control. If your significant other is abusing you, you need to say it's not okay and you need to make a change, because it's bad, and it's within your control.

And then there's this grey area, where things are really bad, but they're beyond our control. When your significant other dies, that's going to be hell, and it's not going to be okay. And other times things aren't important at all, but they're within our control. So you left your pizza in the oven for too long and it burned a little; it's okay, but you can make a change to make it not happen next time.

I guess... It's okay for things to not be okay sometimes, but it's not okay for nothing to ever be okay. If changes can be made that make life more okay, it's okay to try them, and if they make it less okay, than it's okay to go back.

Life is suffering, but it's good enough. Life isn't great. It isn't awful. It's just okay.