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What should I do?
7 years ago
I normally don't do vent journals too often. But I need this off my chest before the stress kills me with a heart attack.
Should I retcon all my racially white characters? Either delete them all or just recolor so they aren't offensive. Hell what is offensive in my gallery, I'll get rid of it. I keep seeing so much hate in the news from all sides. It's a world where extremists will destroy lives for having the wrong opinion. Hell even if you got the right opinion you're damned if you have white skin or identify as a man. Something I'm not sure I identify as anymore...I don't feel like anything...I feel empty. Am I even still me if I agree with a popular idea out of fear? Am I evil just because my skin is white irl? I know I joked about the swastika and wanted to make it a symbol of peace again...but am I a Nazis for that? Should I just hang myself because my existence is viewed as evil based on what's on the surface?
Yes being a part of a dev team for a starbound mod is what kept me busy and life chores pile up. But the biggest reason I'm quiet now is because of this political climate we're in. People just splitting from others because of political opinions clashing. YouTubers being arrested for stupid jokes that offended someone. And now this internet wide Furry BlockList others can use to mass block people deemed as "alternate furry" or whatever that term is...I don't know what to do. I hate offending people by accident, let alone on purpose. I'm not strong as my YouTube friend is. I'm not that brave. I hate being a cause of pain. But I'm white, cis, and a coward. The "with us or against us" attitude has me torn...I was never good at picking sides and usually keep out of things like that. But I'm afraid I will be made to choose or have my lively hood destroyed because I wouldn't choose a side...it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario that I really don't like.
I am losing sleep from this...I just want to turn the clock back to highschool and stop myself from ever joining the world wide web. I feel it's better if I never existed on the internet. And I hate that...I love the friends I made and hurt when I lost friends. But now it seems I'll lose more friends by having an opinion...I just want it all to stop.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to trust as a friend now. I'm lost. What should I do? What do I have to do to not be evil in anyone's eyes? Should I just hide until this climate blows over? Should I just delete every piece of evidence of me having existed on this site? Should I censor myself or risk being jailed for an opinion? What should I do? I don't know anymore...it's bringing me to tears that this is happening at all. What can I do???
Should I retcon all my racially white characters? Either delete them all or just recolor so they aren't offensive. Hell what is offensive in my gallery, I'll get rid of it. I keep seeing so much hate in the news from all sides. It's a world where extremists will destroy lives for having the wrong opinion. Hell even if you got the right opinion you're damned if you have white skin or identify as a man. Something I'm not sure I identify as anymore...I don't feel like anything...I feel empty. Am I even still me if I agree with a popular idea out of fear? Am I evil just because my skin is white irl? I know I joked about the swastika and wanted to make it a symbol of peace again...but am I a Nazis for that? Should I just hang myself because my existence is viewed as evil based on what's on the surface?
Yes being a part of a dev team for a starbound mod is what kept me busy and life chores pile up. But the biggest reason I'm quiet now is because of this political climate we're in. People just splitting from others because of political opinions clashing. YouTubers being arrested for stupid jokes that offended someone. And now this internet wide Furry BlockList others can use to mass block people deemed as "alternate furry" or whatever that term is...I don't know what to do. I hate offending people by accident, let alone on purpose. I'm not strong as my YouTube friend is. I'm not that brave. I hate being a cause of pain. But I'm white, cis, and a coward. The "with us or against us" attitude has me torn...I was never good at picking sides and usually keep out of things like that. But I'm afraid I will be made to choose or have my lively hood destroyed because I wouldn't choose a side...it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario that I really don't like.
I am losing sleep from this...I just want to turn the clock back to highschool and stop myself from ever joining the world wide web. I feel it's better if I never existed on the internet. And I hate that...I love the friends I made and hurt when I lost friends. But now it seems I'll lose more friends by having an opinion...I just want it all to stop.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to trust as a friend now. I'm lost. What should I do? What do I have to do to not be evil in anyone's eyes? Should I just hide until this climate blows over? Should I just delete every piece of evidence of me having existed on this site? Should I censor myself or risk being jailed for an opinion? What should I do? I don't know anymore...it's bringing me to tears that this is happening at all. What can I do???
Hell, those people are insane for trying to control a masse into agreeing with into their viewpoints. Every person who thinks differently than another don't need to be shunned for their viewpoints and assaulted unless they are the ones causing the violence. Sure, harmful ideas need to restricted but they are defended under freedom of speech.
As for the Damned if you do Damned if you don't situation, all it really is, is a witchhunt to derail other's arguments and to basically slander the other person.
I decided to disagree with both radical ends of the spectrum, I'm not much of a person to advocate for violence myself anyways so I view both radical ends as bad.
So don't stoop to their level, Love who you are inside and find peace with the middle of the spectrum.
I don't mean to step on anyone's toes here but I just don't find being extreme on others to be fair. Just think about how others might think before assuming their character.
Being aware of what you do and say can work wonders, so I think that minor tweaks should suffice for your art and characters. So tread with wisdom and a touch of cultural research, and you should be able to limit the hate being directed at you to the diehards that send death threats to others for thinking that Jesus was a lefty. Those guys are wrong even when they're right.
I hope this helps. So if not, my apologies.
If you can change your characters around and still have them be unique and of your own ideas and creation, that's great, it fleshes them out, but if you've had a specific idea on what a character should be and changing them wouldn't work for them, then don't change them.
I don't think any of your characters are insensitive or offensive, if they are then someone is a little too closed minded and aren't worth your time dealing with honestly.
Although for ideas it's not bad to include more diversity and allows you to challenge yourself with character building and story writing.
Hope the mod goes well, and Glad to hear from you! Been quiet on the discord as of late. ^.=.^ still your friend as always PD! ---Rako/Ranoko