So I’m burnt out. Hooray. And it’s Spring. Which means allergies and bees. Hooray.

Since people keep asking, even though I have it posted directly on my userpage in bold red letters, no. Commissions are not open. I don’t know if I’m ever going to open them again.

As I’ve told many people some time ago—commissioners mainly, I spent all of February frustrated and stressed. I came very close to having a mental breakdown. And my stress reached a point to where I became physically ill. I started getting a couple of migraines, and at one point, I ended up puking my guts out in the toilet. And I know it wasn’t stomach-related, because it only happened once—after that I felt better. The last time I got a stomach bug, I was sick for multiple days and had diarrhea as well. Since then I’ve been feeling better though physically, so yay.

As far as I know, I have four commissions left to do. Every other one I’ve had, I’ve either finished, or I cancelled them altogether and gave the commissioner a refund. I usually do not issue refunds unless the commissioner demands it or asks beforehand. But again, February pretty much cemented that I can’t keep doing commissions. For a very long time. I don’t know when or if I’m opening them again. Think I may just take off an entire year until I figure out what I wanna do. And with my job I have IRL, having to find my own place, and other real life priorities, I may as well focus more on that.

I don’t think I’m gonna be posting much on this website for a while. Um…making content here kinda feels like a chore as opposed to something I enjoy doing. It’s not even with commissions either; it kind of feels like if I come up with any nasty idea of my own, I don’t really have motivation to type it out. Because I write it, maybe I fap to it a couple times, and then that’s it. I don’t feel like I’m progressing on this website—it’s like, I make a raunchy story. People enjoy it and/or fap to it. And then that’s it. But for the past few months, I’ve been working on my own personal projects (some of you know about them) and I’ve felt much more gratification over them. I feel a lot happier making these other, longer, plot and character-driven stories that don’t focus on fetish material or porn material at all.

I think the biggest problem I have at this point, is that all of the stories I post here, I’m only doing for the sake of commissions (money) or because some raunchy idea has been nagging me for several days (and then it goes away if something else comes along or I just pump my dick for a good ten to fifteen minutes). I feel like I’m doing the same shit, over and over and over again, and I want to change. I need to change. Or else I’m gonna turn into Ubisoft or Call of Duty, making the same fucking thing over and over and over and over and over again, but with different characters and different scenery. Or worse, I’m gonna turn into The Walking Dead show; I’m gonna keep doing the same shit constantly and get bored. And then I’m gonna reach a point, where something incredibly stupid and fucking drastic happens (yes, I’m referring to Carl’s death), and then I’m gonna throw up my arms and scream “I’M DONE!” And I do not wanna reach that point.

I just don’t see how I’m going to excel in writing if I’m just writing the same shit constantly. I have nothing against people who enjoy the same thing; that’s fine. I mean I adore chubby, musky, flatulent dudes—that is never going to change, at all. But I feel like if I invest all of my writing skills here, on this particular website, all of my talent is going to get wasted. So many people have said that my writing is professional, that my stories are well-written, and that they adore them. And I’ve reached a point where I just wanna achieve more. I wanna write actual books that I can publish on Kindle, something people would see in a Barnes & Nobles store. I have already started working on my own couple of web novels that you can read for free.

“Oh, so you’re saying you’re better than us and you wanna wipe all your stink off your body?”

No, it’s quite the opposite. I actually wanna spread my stink to other venues. But I want other people to see that despite how raunchy my writing style can be, beneath all that filth and grime is an excellent writer who knows about world building and character development and plot progression, and so on. I don’t want to just be known as “that guy who wrote a bunch of scat stories on FA.” I wanna be known as “that guy who writes excellent stories despite said stories being bloated with smelly characters and/or gay characters and/or lots of characters constantly dying and/or lots of scatological humor.”

“So that means you’re leaving FA?”

That’s never going to happen because I do enjoy many of the artists that I’m watching, let alone the fact that this is one of the few websites I know about that has lots of content I enjoy. I’m never gonna leave FA unless something incredibly drastic happens. But I’m in the same boat that  JWolfsky is in right now. My hobby has become a chore, and it doesn’t make me happy anymore. All I wanna do is write stories that I wanna make, and enjoy making them while I’m writing. And I’m not really getting that here on FA anymore.

So yeah, I still don’t know when I’m opening commissions again. Or at all. I have some commissions I finished a while ago that I may post, not sure yet. I don’t know when I’ll end up releasing my own original story onto this website. …But yeah. This is what I’ve been dealing with for the past four or five months now. Figured I may as well let everyone know what’s been going on instead of being left in the dark.

Until next time.