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My Apology (Transgender, Slurs)
7 years ago
It seems at some point everyone 'fucks up' on FA-
If you are well known or not! It happens to everyone.
It may only effect a small group of friends, one person or many people you have never had ANY contact with.
Which seems to be the case for me... YES I fucked up... A while ago but it's still has its effect.
What I'm referring to is certain slurs that I have used very often in the past... "Shemale"
Now I'm not asking for anyone to forgive me, I'm aware that the damage is done. I will however explain myself on why I used the term so much in the past-
To be honest firstly I did not know for a very long time that Shemale was used as a slur and was not the correct term. I saw it so often here on FA in titles, Refs and Tags along with pornography that I was completely convinced that; that was the correct term! and I liked the way it sounded after a while.
I'm not against Trans people. Very far from it! Growing up I always-ALWAYS wanted to be a boy and I was often asked by my family (once i learned about sex changes) out right and in front of everyone during large family/friend get together that I wanted a penis. The question always threw me off when I was asked this question along with- "So will you date girls or boys?"
At the time I didnt know how to answer either one of those questions and I would get harassed by my family for not being able to tell them. To them if I was really serious about getting a sex change I would be able to answer those questions with no hesitation. So I stopped telling people thats what I wanted and I started forcing myself to (by society standards) look the part of my birth given gender.
When I finally made a FA account, THAT was my freedom.
When I saw the term "Shemale" I thought it made perfect sense to be called that- I am born a female and I want to be a male.
HOLY FUCK WAS I EVER WRONG.
Now I'm still fighting with the need to make everyone around me happy with ME. I'm trying to not let it effect me but I'm strongly effected by hearing that I have angered someone on FA and especially when It's from a artist whom I really want to commission or just watch them, fav their art only to have the pop up say
"YOU HAVE BEEN BLOCKED"
To this day, seeing that fucking destroys me, especially from the artist that I've never even spoken to!
It's been 1-2yrs now since I used the incorrect terms yet, I'm still finding myself blocked from tons of artists because I at one point used the slurs.
I'm sorry.
truly I am, I'm still trying to figure myself out completely on my own journey through the sex change- Will I actually do it? can I? how far will I go with it?
I just want to say- I'm not against you guys.
The people out there who are Trans and are upset with me, I'm sorry! I've bettered myself but thats not cover up to what I did say.
I deserve the hate. Just know that, I am one of you, I support you, and everyone else.
Basically it's only a slur if you use it in an offensive antagonistic way. Otherwise it's just a word. People need to chill the f*ck out and not be so uptight. I know plenty of trans women who chose to keep their male genitals and like to refer to themselves as shemales. It makes perfect sense in sex work and pornography too. transvestite is a crossdresser, trans can be pre op or post op...but to specifically refer to a trans woman with male genitals, the only specific term that exists to describe THAT unique anatomy IS shemale. My philosophy is use the word if you don't MEAN if offensively. If someone requests you not call THEM that, honor the request. But anyone who jumps all over you and calls you prejudiced for it? F*ck them and their over sensitive bullsh*t. They want to act like it's the same as saying N!gger? Not even close. Not even in the same ball park. People choose to be offended. Just my two cents.
I've met people who USE the "slanderous terms". Be it for a character or even themselves. It's a word, plain and simple.
If you had meant harm then yeah I could see people getting offended, but really?
All it takes to fix the issue is a CALM and NON JUDGEMENTAL adult conversation:
Person A:
"Hey friendo, did you know that the term "________" is a really offensive term? Instead, it would be better to use the term '________' to describe '_____'. Thank you for your time and for hearing me out."
Person B:
"Oh my gosh I am so sorry! Thank you for correcting me. I apologise for having offended you, and your knowledge is appreciated! I will use term '____' to describe '_______' from now on per our conversation.
That conversation isn't exactly the difficulty equivalent of climbing Mt. Everest now is it? Instead inane yet well-meaning people lose their minds and start flame wars......
Personally I just refer to people in the trans community, as trans folk. Although I’m sure that eventually I’ll find out that that term has been deemed inappropriate by the fucking PC lingo cops.
I have no desire to go around shouting words like nigger or anything like that. I mean it did use to mean that someone (of any race) was ignorant, and you could therefor argue that all the neo-nazis and KKK members are far bigger niggers than the actual blacks they’re so against.
But being as the meaning of the word has completely changed, I choose not to use it. But that does not mean that I would never use it if I were making an acedemic point as I just did, or reciting lines from a Chris Rock show.
“Back in the days of American slavery, they would take the biggest strongest slaves, and they would breed them. To try and create bigger stronger, super slaves. And there’s evidence of this even today in The NFL. Which stands for Nigger Fuckin Large.”
Now as a white person, if you recite those lines without making it clear before hand that you’re quoting one of the great black comedians, it would come off as completely offensive. I would find it offensive and have words with you. If you told me before you recited the joke, that it was from a Chris Rock monologue, I personally would consider it alright that you used that racial slur. Because I know that you don’t mean it in any sort of harsh way. You’re just quoting a funny black guy. Now everyone is certainly entitled to their own opinions, and I’m sure there would be plenty of black people (maybe even a few SJW whites) who would disagree with me that there are certain times when the use of slurs isn’t entirely bad, but as for me, if someone recited that monologue, but replaced the ending with
“And there’s evidence of this even today in The NFL. Which stands for N-word Fuckin Large.”
I would personally have very little respect for you in that particular moment. Because you’re falling victim to the belief that somehow certain words are always nagative no matter what.
I don’t use the word cunt, but I’m aware there are women who use it as a euphemism for their own genitals. To them it’s as natural as calling it a pussy. If I was ever with a woman who asked me to refer to her vagina as her cunt, I would do it. I wouldn’t insult her by trying to persuade her that it was an evil word. It’s only bad when used by people with the intent of putting women down.
I used to find the word pussy offensive. But with the rise of things like pussy hats, and from being around people who obviously use it with absaloutly no thought of malice, I have come to think of it as a perfectly respectable word. But only when used as a euphemism for vagina. If and when I use it to talk about someone being a wuss, you can be pretty sure I’m just kidding around with them.
Personally, I like the phrase muffin as a sexual expression. I’d rather eat a woman’s muffin than her pussy. But I no longer view that word as always being nagative.
Dyke is another good example. I’m a big fan of the lesbian comic strip ‘Dykes to Watch Out For.’ I’m not going to not read it, or censor myself by saying ‘D-words to Watch Out For.” What D-word do you mean exactly? “Donuts to Watch Out For?” “Douchebags to Watch Out For?” “D-Batteries to Watch Out For?”
Midgets and dwarves are midgets and dwarves. They aren’t little people. Those are infants. How insulting is that when you think about it? I’m pretty sure Peter Dinklage ain’t no infant. No man, he’s a full grown dwarf and he’s fuckin awesome.
Fat people are fat. They aren’t big boned or heavy (what are they dinosaurs or cargo containers?).
People should remember to be polite and not hurtful, but like any good thing, there’s such a thing as too much PC language.
I feel I should point out, that if I’m out and about, I will of course, use the agreed upon terms. I may not always agree with them, but I will respect the fact that most people have been brainwashed into thinking they’re always nagative, and that the so called better words, aren’t sometimes even more offensive and/or dishonest than the originals.
If I’m with an individual who doesn’t mind the use of certain words, I’m gonna use them. Because words are not bad. It’s the intent with which they’re spoken.
Honestly, in my opinion, it's a silly word to be offended by. I mean out of many slurs, that's really nothing. It just amazes me how sensitive and offended people are by small things like this. I guess I can see why some people would be offended by looking at some of the responses here, but I don't fully understand it. I find it hard to really convince myself that it's an offensive slur. Maybe it's the way I was brought up, or maybe I'm just really out of touch with the world. I don't know xD
I suppose if it's offensive, in some way, I'll have to try and avoid using that word. I just wish we all didn't have to walk on eggshells and second guess what we want to say.