So no longer my birthday and shiz. Whoo and butts. Thank you everyone for all the kind birthday wishes or birfday wishes or buttsday wishes or for hosing down everything with piss.

It was fairly nice. Didn’t anticipate being off work on my b-day, so I actually didn’t plan for anything. Essentially I ended up relaxing most of the day due to the stress work has been putting on me, and later on saw Won’t You Be My Neighbor. And later chatted with  islethewolf for a while about movies and Sawnix games and Kingdom Hearts and Super Mario games. And he got to listen to me swearing at how stupid I am while playing DOOM, despite how much the game is perfect in absolutely every way, shape and form possible.

So yeah, didn’t do much, but didn’t need to. Thoroughly enjoyed seeing Won’t You Be My Neighbor. I’ve been watching a lot of big-budget movies and animated movies and horror movies and action movies…and ‘asplosions…and shooting…and people dying…and blah blah blah. X__X I just got tired of it and wanted to see something different. Plus I didn’t know much about Fred Rogers prior to seeing the film, so it was lovely watching this documentary about this kind, but realistic and determined man.

In other news, having just gotten another year older, I do feel…like I’ve gotten lazier this year. I dunno. I remember a couple years back where I was constantly having to balance between working and typing commissions and going to college all at the same time. And there were several times where I would have to work forty hours a week. Now I rarely work forty hours a week (but roughly around thirty), I’m not in college, and I’m not doing commissions anymore. And yet now I feel like I’m not getting as much done as I used to. Sometimes I’d be able to binge-watch several episodes of a show in one sitting. Sometimes I’d crank out a full chapter of a story in one day, or churn through a large amount of a commission in a single day or two days. Sometimes I’d be able to read a whole book that’s about three hundred pages in a few days, depending on the circumstances. But now it just feels like I’ve been sleeping a lot more than usual and not getting much done.

I know I shouldn’t be pushing myself too hard or else I’ll get burnt out, which is what happened back in April/May. And I know I shouldn’t be overstressing myself, or else I’m gonna go through what happened in February/March, where I got physically ill to the point of vomiting, and came very close to having a mental breakdown. But I don’t feel like I should be slacking off and constantly stalling on everything either just because I don’t have a deadline. It took me an hour just to write this short-ass journal because I kept getting distracted by other crap around me, and that usually doesn’t happen. I go around and I see how some people on Amazon can pump out a novel on Kindle in a month, maybe less. And while I have made some stories since the year began, I feel like I could just be doing more…as opposed to just sleeping.

…It’s just frustrating sometimes.

I have to do better though. I have to. I feel like I haven’t done all that much with my life considering how old I am, and I feel like if I keep spending time “taking it easy,” I’ll end up in my mid-40s asking what the hell I’ve spent the last two decades doing.

I can’t have that happen.