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7 years ago
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Still alive. I consider that a win [x
I've been arting quite a bit, like 99% collab stuff. Designed a few characters. Some adopts. A new species. Finished a couple of owed things. Mostly just took the past.. goodness, I guess it's been a couple of months.. trying to build up my ability to draw again. I'm ALMOST there. So close.. I still can't go at it like I used to, my lines are shaky AF, but I'm getting there! I just want to thank you, all, for your incredible patience with me. I don't deserve it. Truly. I couldn't ask for a better bunch of furs than you, all. Give yourself some love for me <333
Things IRL have been.. sort of smoothing out. I got through a.. very bad low, recently, that I'm still clawing my way out of.. it wasn't a good time.. but I'm lucky. Or just a coward. One of those things. I'm trying desperately to reconnect with people, but.. I'm finding it really difficult. Communication feels so impossible for me.. but I try. I reinstalled Telegram, finally, but I only talk to one person.. and even that is sporadic. Plus.. I've burned a lot of bridges, being so.. wrapped up in my depression. It's hard to "wait" for someone you feel is gone, forever. I don't blame anyone for bailing.. I really don't. Still.. hurts. But it's ok. I'll get through it. I've been too busy getting the kids back in some semblance of a routine to really sit and contemplate just how alone I am... I do wish people would take the "outs" that I give them, instead of.. leading me on like everything's ok and back to how it was. It's ok that it's not ok. But I guess that's to be expected, too. It's hard to invest in a friendship with me when I'm still so.. fucked up. Idk. I'll figure it out, soon enough. Maybe it's just time to fully let go of the past and move forward. Maybe there's just nothing left for me that I knew. And that's ok. And I'll be ok. On the other side of that coin, people who have stuck by me through thick and thin.. I can't seem to stop.. hurting them. I try so hard not to... but I do, anyway. It's a vicious cycle. The harder I try not to hurt them, the more I.. hurt them.
Maybe I should just give up. foreveralone.gif
I'll be posting a bunch of the stuff I did. Tonight or tomorrow. Not sure, yet, if I'll post the adopts, or the overdue comms I did [I kinda wanna post all of the comms when I'm done with all of them? Is that weird?] I guess we'll see tomorrow.. [this took so long, there's no way I can do it, tonight x: sorry!!!]
ANYWAY, this has taken an incredible amount of time. Can never seem to say enough. To thank you. To let you know I'm alive. To let you know just how much I appreciate you.
Thank you <333
I've been arting quite a bit, like 99% collab stuff. Designed a few characters. Some adopts. A new species. Finished a couple of owed things. Mostly just took the past.. goodness, I guess it's been a couple of months.. trying to build up my ability to draw again. I'm ALMOST there. So close.. I still can't go at it like I used to, my lines are shaky AF, but I'm getting there! I just want to thank you, all, for your incredible patience with me. I don't deserve it. Truly. I couldn't ask for a better bunch of furs than you, all. Give yourself some love for me <333
Things IRL have been.. sort of smoothing out. I got through a.. very bad low, recently, that I'm still clawing my way out of.. it wasn't a good time.. but I'm lucky. Or just a coward. One of those things. I'm trying desperately to reconnect with people, but.. I'm finding it really difficult. Communication feels so impossible for me.. but I try. I reinstalled Telegram, finally, but I only talk to one person.. and even that is sporadic. Plus.. I've burned a lot of bridges, being so.. wrapped up in my depression. It's hard to "wait" for someone you feel is gone, forever. I don't blame anyone for bailing.. I really don't. Still.. hurts. But it's ok. I'll get through it. I've been too busy getting the kids back in some semblance of a routine to really sit and contemplate just how alone I am... I do wish people would take the "outs" that I give them, instead of.. leading me on like everything's ok and back to how it was. It's ok that it's not ok. But I guess that's to be expected, too. It's hard to invest in a friendship with me when I'm still so.. fucked up. Idk. I'll figure it out, soon enough. Maybe it's just time to fully let go of the past and move forward. Maybe there's just nothing left for me that I knew. And that's ok. And I'll be ok. On the other side of that coin, people who have stuck by me through thick and thin.. I can't seem to stop.. hurting them. I try so hard not to... but I do, anyway. It's a vicious cycle. The harder I try not to hurt them, the more I.. hurt them.
Maybe I should just give up. foreveralone.gif
I'll be posting a bunch of the stuff I did. Tonight or tomorrow. Not sure, yet, if I'll post the adopts, or the overdue comms I did [I kinda wanna post all of the comms when I'm done with all of them? Is that weird?] I guess we'll see tomorrow.. [this took so long, there's no way I can do it, tonight x: sorry!!!]
ANYWAY, this has taken an incredible amount of time. Can never seem to say enough. To thank you. To let you know I'm alive. To let you know just how much I appreciate you.
Thank you <333
I MISSED YOU TOO!!!!
Im sure that your little ones, as well as that dog of yours Tyson have helped keep some semblance of sanity in your life. I cant wait to see what all you have waiting in the wings, I've always loved your stuff and what you do. Youre a damn amazing artist in my opinion and I have been one of the ones to stick through pretty much everything with you and I can tell you that I have never felt hurt by anything.
I plan on hanging around as long as you'll let me hang around. Still the biggest fan of BadArt
You got this hun. Always said that you would get there
idk @_@ People have messaged me since I wrote this but.. omg I'm so ashamed I just.. can't even click on the messages /: WHYAMISOFUCKEDUP *weeps*