Aside from the usual drama at work, I've done a lot of thinking the last few weeks and realize I have no REAL friends. While I have friends, yes so to speak, most if not all of them are fair-weather friends. People that are only around for my usefulness and convenience then disappear. I've deleted and cut ties with everyone I had known in school or grew up with after an endless gauntlet of rumors, nonsense fighting, and he said she said drama between my then click of friends. Not exactly new to this since I grew up with no actual friends, was never invited to peoples houses because they wanted me around, but instead because they felt sorry for me. Everyone I grew up knowing or ended up liking enough to open up to either died, moved away, or cast me off like trash after finding someone better suited for their needs. Nothing has really changed since then. I'm older, and more understanding of the things that happen in life but still feel alone with so many people walking around me.

I hate feeling like I don't belong here, anywhere... Many of the furries I had been talking to no longer seem to think I exist. They never reply back to my messages at all when we used to have so many deep conversations that took hours... Now, nothing at all... Don't get me wrong those that I talk with on Telegram, and Facebook are awesome people, but I don't feel like I can truly be myself without feeling like a freak... I don't talk a lot outside the internet, and when I do I'm told I talk too much... So I end up just shutting myself off from everyone again.

Sorry for the rant... More often than not I find myself thinking of why I even exist...