my will to live on is fading.

i get slightly shaky, i get anxious and/or angry around evening time.

Im doing the best i can to ....'wait'. But my patience has hit 'empty'.

my parents, therapists and i are helping with sevveral paths.

Hypnosis (again...)
medical marijuana (i need to wait 2 weeks before shit starts to happen....fuck me)
holotropic breathwork (my psychologists keeps finding practitioners who do event groups only....dicks)


and still as a last ditch resort...mushrooms.

i dont think i will last another year if this keeps up.

im going to st.maarten in december ...well i hope to. and i want to enjoy the holidays again.

I have all but 1% fight in me. I feel absolutely lazy and dont feel like doing anything or eating (not completely) anymore. i have this annoying compulsion nervous tic where i push out my stomach that wont go away.

I have to force myself though because it...i dont know why im doing it.

So....yeah. Im just at wit's end. Dont know what to do anymore. Im always stressed, anxious and/or angry.

ok bye