Hello watchers,

I check FA every day for submissions from the artists I watch, but I have not uploaded any new photography in recent. I'd say that I'm bogged down with college, but honestly, college is a breeze. In my last journal, I talked about my bike's transmission issue. While that was happening, my smartphone took a shit and died. I bought a cheaper, simpler flip-phone because I was strapped on cash. So I can no longer take the less-than-ideal quality photos you have been seeing for the past year. Before that, I would borrow my mom's DSLR for my photos. As I am on my own now, I can no longer use it. I'd buy a camera myself if I was still really into photography, but I don't have the passion I used to.

Photographers online seem to do pretty well with photos of landscapes and cities (and vehicles). Those subjects are not costly to observe. I could still return to that in the future. But my audience hasn't grown and it never really took off. Not that I'm looking for fame and recognition, it's just that this is a furry website and my work isn't really the saught-after art people come here for. I'm not too invested in the community as it is, but I do appreciate the artwork, so I stay. A handful of you have Favorited most of my work and I want to let you know that I appreciate your support and attention. The only other place I bother uploading my work to, is Tumblr ( http://rennytherider.tumblr.com/ ). But my stuff isn't well-received there, either.

You all have been here and watched me grow from an edgy juvenile to an adventurous adult. My wish for adventure is overshadowed by my newly acquired fear of breaking something. I'm a little reclusive. When I was a teenager, I would wander my small, but beautiful town with a camera and admire its content. In Tacoma, it's not like that. I do not wish to remain here longer than I need to. Hopefully, you will see more from me when I return from whence I came. So know that I am still here and that I'm not going anywhere.

On another note, I have some updates.
To start, I'm halfway through my last quarter at Bates Tech. I'm almost at the end and I'm almost about to begin my career as a motorcycle mechanic. I truly enjoy my line of work. Fixing things brings me great joy and satisfaction. I enjoy riding just as much. I'm scared though. I've felt for while that I'm losing myself. Or, the person that built this page. Who longer for love and who was not alone in the world. He who climbed Craig's Hill in winter to look over the city with a swollen heart; he who pushed against his teachers and superiors because he was not ready to grow up yet. He's lost to trauma, heartbreak, and distance. I mourn him, because despite not having hope for the future, he was profound and he had is friends by his side. Finding meaning in time spent messing around.

Where I am Right now is not because of him. It's because of me. Because I had the nerve to get up off the floor and succeed. I don't know if it's worth it. I somehow feel worse. Maybe once I'm free, I can return to him. Until then.


I've also got some other news. I have been enrolled in a clinical trial for the first ever autism-specific treatment. It's a drug trial for balovaptan. It's supposed to help with communication and social skills. It's a three year process, and I'm not sure if it'l work; I mean, how do you gauge the effectiveness of a drug that improves such an abstract concept? Nevertheless, this is a breakthrough. I'm not looking forward to the regular blood draws, though.



I needed to get some things off my mind, so here you go.
Thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.