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I'm ready I'm ready
7 years ago
Getting sort of deconstructive with my drawing style. Think I'm like borderline ready to let go and grow some more. Super ready. Think I may even start messing with storyboard concepts. Just to see what it do. Although most of my characters are transitioning away from the anthro style. I've used it as a crutch to avoid learning the things that scare me the most.
I'm also learning how to write positive relationships into my narrative. Like, lol WHAT? Not that I've ever really talked about it much so I'm sure no one cares at all. But it is mostly about abusive relationships and how people mistreat themselves and the people they love/who love them by proximity. So now it is fun to explore areas I know nothing about XD Guess I'm lucky to have found an RP partner who is patient with me.
In other news I've spent a huge part of my life up until this point putting things off. Saying "It can wait." or "I don't need it now." or having the idea in my head that I shouldn't spend money on things for myself for... reasons? My parents always talked about how we didn't have money. So I got stuck in the "I'm poor, I can't afford it." mentality. Well fuck that noise. I'm finished waiting. Now it is time for me to enter Liana's selfish time where I take care of me first. ME FIRST. Do what I want and make myself happy. If that means spending 100 dollars on paint and dumping it all over a canvas, so be it. If that means drawing the gayest shit I've ever drawn and cutting all my hair off just because I can, so be it. I'm not going to hide myself from the world anymore. So like, get ready. Here we come.
this is rambly and my head hurts, I think I'm sick... But just some thoughts from my desk. lol love you if you read any of this ♥
I'm also learning how to write positive relationships into my narrative. Like, lol WHAT? Not that I've ever really talked about it much so I'm sure no one cares at all. But it is mostly about abusive relationships and how people mistreat themselves and the people they love/who love them by proximity. So now it is fun to explore areas I know nothing about XD Guess I'm lucky to have found an RP partner who is patient with me.
In other news I've spent a huge part of my life up until this point putting things off. Saying "It can wait." or "I don't need it now." or having the idea in my head that I shouldn't spend money on things for myself for... reasons? My parents always talked about how we didn't have money. So I got stuck in the "I'm poor, I can't afford it." mentality. Well fuck that noise. I'm finished waiting. Now it is time for me to enter Liana's selfish time where I take care of me first. ME FIRST. Do what I want and make myself happy. If that means spending 100 dollars on paint and dumping it all over a canvas, so be it. If that means drawing the gayest shit I've ever drawn and cutting all my hair off just because I can, so be it. I'm not going to hide myself from the world anymore. So like, get ready. Here we come.
this is rambly and my head hurts, I think I'm sick... But just some thoughts from my desk. lol love you if you read any of this ♥
I wish I had taken you up on the RP thing a long time ago, I just don't think I could perform the compartmentalization necessary to suspend disbelief in myself. I have a tendency to lean heavily toward too serious minded and literal. And I have a knack for alliteration, like I'm proving right now, which probably gets annoying. So it would just be me, performing a pseudo impression of an alternate personality which is extremely similar to my own... and failing... Fun, huh?
Plus, I'm not so sure sardonic is a compatible personality trait for light-hearted adventure. lol I'm finding it's not really a compatible personality trait for LIFE, either. Also, trait might be the wrong word.
Anyways, I genuinely hope you do go drop some money on some paint. Blow some cash, indulge a whim, pursue your passion. Fuck the facade. Be true.
I admire the fuck out of you for your prescience and humility, I really believe you will find what you're looking for, you deserve it. Love you too ♥
Second, RP doesn't have to be a fancy thing. Chat-play is just as much fun and really helpful for character development! I am super word-happy myself and end up having to edit way way down in a formal RP setting. THIRDLY there is no rule that says RP has to be a happy adventure. I like to create characters with the intention to utterly destroy them. People with problems are more realistic anyway and it makes for more interesting interactions. Not that happy fun RP isn't, um... happy and fun? I personally lean into the negative and like to explore it more.
That being said I've been at it for probably half my life so I'm comfortable enough to just jump in and go go go. So you know, just saying. Don't let the little stuff stop you from messing around. No one can expect you to be perfect, not the first time, not the 50000th time. Writing is just like drawing where you only improve the more you make yourself do it. RP helps with motivation for me personally because I'm like, pumped to be able to yell into the void and get something back out of it. Like a pen pal but without having to talk about me directly. Just all my self-insertion character crap. Cuz honestly who can make a character without at least SOME part of themselves in it? Don't think it can be done.
Holy shit I could ramble about this for my entire life apparently. THANK YOU for your support. I really like talking about character development and crap so like if you ever want to bounce ideas off of me, by all means.