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style crisis
6 years ago
Trying not to be negative, but my nature is negative so like WOW I hate my art. Right? Well OK, so shut up and do something about it. Hating it isn't going to make it better, and it sure doesn't help you see that actual good in it.
I need to iron out my process again. Been flying by the seat of my pants, with little structure, and not taking enough breaks. As much fun as it is to sit and draw on the same thing for 5+ hours at a time, your brain needs a healthy break so it can come back with a fresh perspective. AT the same time, not drawing anything for weeks and expecting your style to improve isn't fair or sane either. -looks at self in mirror-
ALSO as much as I am inspired by other peoples style I find myself often suppressing a boiling envy because why am I not on par with these people who I deem good enough? Me problems Am I right? I've been addicted to visuals for my entire life and taking a break from the community seems terrifying. But I keep coming back to the idea that if I want to really focus on what I want, and to really give my style a chance to develop the way it should, I think I need to disconnect for a time. I need to force myself to stop comparing my work to others and the only way I can see myself doing that is to unplug, literally and stop consuming it. That and my fear of being forgotten is sort of stupid because A. I don't post enough to be remembered, let alone forgotten & B. My illustrations don't contain enough "story" for people to even want to see more to begin with between my massive absences. MAYBE I'M PROJECTING but it is the conclusion I've arrived at.
At the same time I need to give myself some small credit where it is due. I've been putting more thought and care into the atmosphere instead of just the focal point (usually a character) But I've not done any daily studies and I am very thirsty for those. Beyond that I've learned a new vector program and it is making my logo design process 50X easier. As intimidating and frustrating as it was to learn, there really is no downside to it.
For a while I've been saying that some time soon I would have more time for art. I believe, if everything goes well, that in January of 2020 I'll be able to comfortably reduce my days at the shop to 3 days a week... Maybe 4. Freeing up my me time and me time = art time. My idea is to have a schedule that includes some exercise (not just activity) eating more regularly, and committing a number of hours to being creative. Creativity keeps me alive, I really should honor it more.
Thank you for coming to my redundant rambling session. Hope you are all doing well and feeding your own creativity monsters as much as they can possibly eat. ♥
I need to iron out my process again. Been flying by the seat of my pants, with little structure, and not taking enough breaks. As much fun as it is to sit and draw on the same thing for 5+ hours at a time, your brain needs a healthy break so it can come back with a fresh perspective. AT the same time, not drawing anything for weeks and expecting your style to improve isn't fair or sane either. -looks at self in mirror-
ALSO as much as I am inspired by other peoples style I find myself often suppressing a boiling envy because why am I not on par with these people who I deem good enough? Me problems Am I right? I've been addicted to visuals for my entire life and taking a break from the community seems terrifying. But I keep coming back to the idea that if I want to really focus on what I want, and to really give my style a chance to develop the way it should, I think I need to disconnect for a time. I need to force myself to stop comparing my work to others and the only way I can see myself doing that is to unplug, literally and stop consuming it. That and my fear of being forgotten is sort of stupid because A. I don't post enough to be remembered, let alone forgotten & B. My illustrations don't contain enough "story" for people to even want to see more to begin with between my massive absences. MAYBE I'M PROJECTING but it is the conclusion I've arrived at.
At the same time I need to give myself some small credit where it is due. I've been putting more thought and care into the atmosphere instead of just the focal point (usually a character) But I've not done any daily studies and I am very thirsty for those. Beyond that I've learned a new vector program and it is making my logo design process 50X easier. As intimidating and frustrating as it was to learn, there really is no downside to it.
For a while I've been saying that some time soon I would have more time for art. I believe, if everything goes well, that in January of 2020 I'll be able to comfortably reduce my days at the shop to 3 days a week... Maybe 4. Freeing up my me time and me time = art time. My idea is to have a schedule that includes some exercise (not just activity) eating more regularly, and committing a number of hours to being creative. Creativity keeps me alive, I really should honor it more.
Thank you for coming to my redundant rambling session. Hope you are all doing well and feeding your own creativity monsters as much as they can possibly eat. ♥
I wish you much luck and motivation :D
i'm also really happy for you getting to the point where you can dedicate more time to yourself and your projects. that sounds wonderful. <3
i hope you can find the motivation and perspective to improve in the areas where you desire growth <3 always gonna love your work <3
It’s funny.
Because sometimes I look at your art and think ‘I want my style to be more like theirs’
It’s so fun, free and loose. I love it.
So I’m really mortified to read that you’re not where you want to be.
I hope that your break goes as planned and that when you come back you’re feeling better about yourself and your art.
And, fingers crossed, in the new year you can find yourself some more time to devote to your creativity too. I’m excited for that.
The solution is still a mystery, however... I've wrested with the entirety of my fucking being trying to understand the emotional distress I indulge in my pursuit of my art ... often, I worry it is little more than that, an indulgence. A sort of masochistic charade. As if I manufacture, or the least, exaggerate the envy, the pride, the fear, simply to ensconce myself within the identity of an "artist". The great human dilemma and the comic irony of it all is that we can actually feel security in our pain. I see symptoms of a near Stockholm Syndrome condition in myself sometimes. The co-dependence with struggle..
None of that is strictly true or false, just another form of self torture, another flight of grandeur, an elaborate ruse to avoid what is the only proven method of actually improving at our art; Doing art.
I honestly don't believe art should be suffering, but it has been a huge component of mine. I believe it has immense value to shape our perceptions and our vision but it is often a bleak, lonely journey to discovery.. and there is no guarantee that we'll ever even find what we're looking for... because there is no arrival in art.
..which is not a bad thing. I think that is where a lot of the turmoil comes from, for me, in measuring my finite existence against my perception of the value of my art. If I just could resolve myself to the the flow of time, if I could resolve myself to the commitment and discipline necessary to achieve my ambitions, then I would be a healthier, happier human and my art would improve proportionally.
What do we ultimately value most in our lives? The harsh reality is that artistic mastery has fallen down that list for me due to a diminishing self esteem, job and money stress, relationship wounds accumulating, cauterizing.. and the emotional scar tissue makes it harder and harder to see our true selves. That restless feeling, the malaise that we drift through day to day is a biproduct of our internal struggle against this bullshit usurping of what we KNOW is important to us. We need that uncertainty and sense of being incomplete to remind us that it is time to restructure that list of priorities. If art is supposed to be at the top of that list, then it should be there.
Listen to your instincts, you want to withdraw from the noise and the squalor of the internet and find your voice again, I wholly support you. Just remember that your lower desires will try to prevent you from attaining your goals. So many shiny things to distract you, so many excuses to derail your progress.
We're both here, and we have work to do if we want to feel as if we're living with purpose, to know fulfillment. It is a noble pursuit, to speak clearly, in our own voice, and to be understood.
I hope you don't mind me co-opting you into my little melodramatic self analysis. You've heard it before from me, but I am an admirer of your determination and spirit and I know you will climb out of this valley and reach a new plateau.