"Thank you, this was a test of the Kobold alert messaging system" pause. "If this had been an actual emergency, a swarm of kobolds would have poured from your closet and surround you and begin yapping very loudly for no particular reason until you did something about the emergency" Pause. "We thank you for your patience"

Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap *kobold swarm*