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My Mama's passed
7 years ago
General
This is a repost from my art tumblr. I'm sorry, I just wanted to put it here too since I have that other post here already. This post was from yesterday. My mom passed at around 2am on Jan 17.
I am sorry for not responding individually to the kind words sent to me before.. It's been a busy and rough time here.
At about 2am last night, my mama passed away... I was able to get into contact with my sister and she and her family came up to see her. An aide even came out and was able to give her a bath before they arrived. I couldn't do it on my own... I felt like I was hurting her so badly when I would try to move her.
I was very afraid things would be tense with my sister, but it was a very nice time. It was great to finally see my niece again. I hope Mama knew she was there too. The social worker and RN were there for any questions my sister had. She left about 10:30pm or so.
I sat around and talked to Mama, sang you are my sunshine to her... She always sang that to me when I was little. Told her that she was the most amazing mom in the world and it's okay if she's in too much pain and can't hold on anymore. I went into my room for a bit and came out to help moisten her mouth and she was gone. It took the nurse an hour and a half to get there. I just held Mama. Painted her nails after the nurse cleaned her up. I felt so bad, she was wanting them done last week but we were both feeling rough.
I went to 711 down the street with my brother-in-law and niece and gave my sister some privacy with Mom and when we got back they had her down the stairs already. I wasn't expecting to see that so soon, and it was so so hard. The RN and the other RN that came by to help pretty much bolted as soon as she was carried off.
I know she was comfortable, but I can't help felt she got signed onto hospice under false pretenses. I will write about that later.
Her final wishes have been, ever since I was a kid, that she wanted to be donated to science. Her best friend's mom, my nana, had that done, and her best friend and her husband are planning on doing the same. I was worried that they wouldn't have been able to do that for her since she had open wounds on her legs from her congestive heart failure, but a man at the cremation center got into contact with a tissue donation place. It was very kind.
I went onto her Facebook and informed her friends and family about it, and told them to ask me any questions they might have (we have a fairly religious and military family for better or for worse). Most of her family lives on the other side of the country. One of my cousins said that he told me on my post he doesn't think that was right and that my mom deserved better than to become a science experiment. He was PMing me with shit and got his dad involved and I wasn't really quite sure what he was saying. It just became this ordeal and I got so angry and just had to ignore them. My sister said she's going to talk to them in private. I feel that's best because I'm on a very short fuse. I feel so fucking angry at things. The hospice... Grown ass men behaving like fools on a sensitive post...
My cousin was blowing up my sister's DMs about how I'm doing science experiments on my mom. I had a breakdown. I have never once talked to this cousin. He and his dad were never involved with Mama's life. I did get support from her best friends daughters as well as her former coworkers and my friends. I just can't believe people. I know perhaps this seems like a sterile way to do things... I wouldn't have minded a burial but that was not what she wanted. I will be receiving her ashes, so she will be forever home with me.
Even still the bad attitude some people had, it was nice to see people say kind words about Mama. I wish she could see them. And I really hope she saw how my sister and I were getting along in her final hours. I'd like for that to be something that stayed with her. I bet she was so scared. This is so hard to think about.
I try to keep my personal life pretty private, but my mama and I were two peas in a pod. I really don't know what I'm going to do without her. My cat's been anxious. He loved his GG... If it wasn't for my friends right now I don't know where I'd be, just that I'd be much worse off. Thank you guys.
I have cried so much last night and today but I feel so numb. Nothing feels real. I feel like everything is going to come crashing on me soon. I felt a bit of it today with what happened online, and I just feel like worse moments are to come.
My sister and her family stayed the night though after the medical people left. We just all sat around and chatted and napped when we could. They left at about 2pm today. It was nice.
I am sorry for not responding individually to the kind words sent to me before.. It's been a busy and rough time here.
At about 2am last night, my mama passed away... I was able to get into contact with my sister and she and her family came up to see her. An aide even came out and was able to give her a bath before they arrived. I couldn't do it on my own... I felt like I was hurting her so badly when I would try to move her.
I was very afraid things would be tense with my sister, but it was a very nice time. It was great to finally see my niece again. I hope Mama knew she was there too. The social worker and RN were there for any questions my sister had. She left about 10:30pm or so.
I sat around and talked to Mama, sang you are my sunshine to her... She always sang that to me when I was little. Told her that she was the most amazing mom in the world and it's okay if she's in too much pain and can't hold on anymore. I went into my room for a bit and came out to help moisten her mouth and she was gone. It took the nurse an hour and a half to get there. I just held Mama. Painted her nails after the nurse cleaned her up. I felt so bad, she was wanting them done last week but we were both feeling rough.
I went to 711 down the street with my brother-in-law and niece and gave my sister some privacy with Mom and when we got back they had her down the stairs already. I wasn't expecting to see that so soon, and it was so so hard. The RN and the other RN that came by to help pretty much bolted as soon as she was carried off.
I know she was comfortable, but I can't help felt she got signed onto hospice under false pretenses. I will write about that later.
Her final wishes have been, ever since I was a kid, that she wanted to be donated to science. Her best friend's mom, my nana, had that done, and her best friend and her husband are planning on doing the same. I was worried that they wouldn't have been able to do that for her since she had open wounds on her legs from her congestive heart failure, but a man at the cremation center got into contact with a tissue donation place. It was very kind.
I went onto her Facebook and informed her friends and family about it, and told them to ask me any questions they might have (we have a fairly religious and military family for better or for worse). Most of her family lives on the other side of the country. One of my cousins said that he told me on my post he doesn't think that was right and that my mom deserved better than to become a science experiment. He was PMing me with shit and got his dad involved and I wasn't really quite sure what he was saying. It just became this ordeal and I got so angry and just had to ignore them. My sister said she's going to talk to them in private. I feel that's best because I'm on a very short fuse. I feel so fucking angry at things. The hospice... Grown ass men behaving like fools on a sensitive post...
My cousin was blowing up my sister's DMs about how I'm doing science experiments on my mom. I had a breakdown. I have never once talked to this cousin. He and his dad were never involved with Mama's life. I did get support from her best friends daughters as well as her former coworkers and my friends. I just can't believe people. I know perhaps this seems like a sterile way to do things... I wouldn't have minded a burial but that was not what she wanted. I will be receiving her ashes, so she will be forever home with me.
Even still the bad attitude some people had, it was nice to see people say kind words about Mama. I wish she could see them. And I really hope she saw how my sister and I were getting along in her final hours. I'd like for that to be something that stayed with her. I bet she was so scared. This is so hard to think about.
I try to keep my personal life pretty private, but my mama and I were two peas in a pod. I really don't know what I'm going to do without her. My cat's been anxious. He loved his GG... If it wasn't for my friends right now I don't know where I'd be, just that I'd be much worse off. Thank you guys.
I have cried so much last night and today but I feel so numb. Nothing feels real. I feel like everything is going to come crashing on me soon. I felt a bit of it today with what happened online, and I just feel like worse moments are to come.
My sister and her family stayed the night though after the medical people left. We just all sat around and chatted and napped when we could. They left at about 2pm today. It was nice.
Take your time to heal