this is a sad and true story that everyone should read.

I think i am ok enough to share this, im doing this more for closure and hopefully someone learns from it or even saves someones life!

i was married to a lovely wife about 4 years ago. things were ok back then, we had enough money to get by. In this last year, things got worse, money became alot tighter, to the point were we could not buy gas for hot water, we had to use a kettle to make bath/shower water, there was no luxury we could have, like cheese, butter, milk, coffee, any kind of meat (not had that in months!), not been able to fix my motorbikes lights, or take it for service still. finding work were i live is extremely hard, to find well paid work is almost impossible, and we both were looking for better work for years.

I could deal with all that, rather ok really, my budget skills are quite good, but her addiction to alcohol was a serious problem, money reserved for food went to drink. her borrowing money constantly was also not helping, cos it only costs more in the long run. stealing from others to support her habit was something i wanted no part in. it was almost as tho she did not want to see the situation is a critical one. blinded by addiction i am sure, depression driving her further into the addiction. i was forced into trying to protect money by hiding it away and doing the shopping myself. this was another major tear in our relationship after the alcohol, because i could no longer trust her with with money. i could no longer be at home in peace, i must worry when next is she going to ask for money. i could not even be around her anymore, scared she might come home drunk and start fighting. because it allays came down to giving her money, or wanting to sell thing in the house to get money. reasoning with her was utterly futile. i blame the addiction for most of this.

What was a women i loved turned into something of a living nightmare. at a stage we were really battling and suffering, she walked out of her job. i just could not believe what she did. trying to reason with her as to why she would leave her job and be unemployed, knowing what situation we in only caused alot more fighting. now i was in a situation were i was borrowing money to buy food, and when she took that last money and spent it on alcohol was the last straw for me, i had enough. I made a plan and moved to my mothers place, and asked for a devoice.

it was clear my family and her family did not want anything to do with her because of the same reason, this upset me because i had no means to do anything to help her. while at work and driving around i handed out her CVs and asked as many people as i knew to give her a job, but i could not find anything. it pained me to see her so upset, crying constantly. i stole food from my mother when i could, and gave to her to try help.

Everything i did was just not enough. she took the tablet phone i was letting her use and sold it for alcohol. while intoxicated she hung herself on the window burglar guards. i literally spoke to her two hours before finding her dead. it was the worst day of my life! i was crying like a child. the memory of seeing her hanging like that and having to take her down is burnt into my brain, i constantly have nightmares of this! her family didn't bother coming over that day, or any day since then.

Trying to be normal and act normal after that was difficult. Not many people showed any sort of care or sympathy, even friends ive known for years. only my second life family showed me full support and looked after me during this time! thank you to them for all the love! I ask myself if there is anything i could have done different, is this my fault? the answer for both is "No". life is hard and full of things and people that just want to put you down. You need to treasure the good times you spend with friends and loved ones! those memories are more precious than gold!

i hope this will help someone that needs it!