Before attending my first furmeet, I had never before experienced so much social interaction and so much positive acceptance. By the end of the whole thing I was glowing, despite a pretty bad start (I cringe at how nervous, panicky and possibly rude I was at the start). Then again, my mind does this all the time. I doubt myself, I view my failures as being worse than they are, and I feel inferior to everyone. Thanks to this fandom, and my first meet especially, I am battling this.

The worst part by far was when I entered the fursuiter's lounge for the first time. I was very, very overwhelmed and shocked - especially since most of suiters looked so young (and most were indeed younger than me). I felt a sudden pressure to compete with the noticeable professionalism, maturity and vast impressiveness of fursuiters and their huge complex costumes, and I felt like I wasn't cut out for it. I suddenly felt very small and insignificant around so many large and incredibly confident and lively animals.

I described how I felt to a few people there - I felt like a child who had turned up at an adult's cpstume party. I even struggled to put Wilson on at first because it suddenly dawned upon me in the most scary way - "I now need to put this on, and literally fursuit. With fursuiters. The people I have always looked up to." When I wore Wilson at first, I indeed felt a bit like a dressed-up kid rather than a fursuiter. Almost everyone else's suits towered over mine, and I couldn't figure out what to do with my character while everyone else knew exactly what to do. I was openly shy and constantly hid my face with my paws.

(Apparently, this is normal, and something I didn't know: all fursuiters, for the first time, feel social pressure while in suit. It's not a sudden transformation and it does take practice to get comfortable with and understand the character.)

But thankfully, as I was told would happen, I started to "get it" over time. Everything clicked together gradually and I then didn't want to take him off - I suddenly was him. It was bizarre. I suddenly couldn't just take him off because that would be wrong. I was now a panther in a jacket, not a short, fat 25-year old. And then I actually gained the courage to take him on the fursuit walk, which was even more overwhelming but incredibly rewarding. You guys who attended might have noticed - I sat there after completing it, just thinking "I can't believe I did that." I was so exhausted and filled with things to say about it - and extremely pleased with myself that I managed to do it.

Anyway, the fact that Wilson received so many kind comments and so much praise touched my heart like nothing else has. I truly did not expect so many people to say he was cool. I genuinely believed he was be only mildly praised at best, or ignored at worst, and yet so many were actually, legitimately impressed and supported him. And as one furry described on the day - we are all critical of our own fursuits. Apparently, even fursuiters with very expensive fullsuits criticise their own suits. I honestly did not know this. I assumed that the more expensive the suit, the happier you'll be with it. And now, I feel way more attached to Wilson than I could have ever expected.

So I can't replace him just yet. I will buy a better suit of a different character in the future, but for now, I'm Wilson, because Wilson helped me get to this point. Suddenly not being able to immediately replace my character confirms to me that he is real. I made him real. It worked. And he'll be real forever - even when I retire him as my fursona some day, he'll forever remain canon within the furry universe.

So while it started badly, it ended better than I could have ever anticipated. By the end, it was indeed like I've found a new and very colourful family after years of searching for one. And I also did something else - I found myself. My inner child that for years I had tried (and failed) to minimize in the hopes of succeeding in my adult life. It was like a waking dream, as many furries new to meets have described. This morning I woke up, for a brief few moments I had to remind myself that LondonFurs was real (because I've dreamt about attending a fur meet or convention too many times to count).

So honestly I really, truly cannot thank you guys enough; not just the attendees of the meet, but everyone in the fandom who has supported me so far. I don't know how I can ever repay you guys. I needed this more than anything in the world. Without this, I don't know what I would be doing (probably emergency therapy, or worse). Even with all the negatives of the day, it was still the greatest event I have ever experienced. It was like receiving an enormous birthday present. I needed to take a very, very big jump right into the deep end and it paid off. And I now feel so much more positive about myself and my own life because of it. This fandom will help me fight all the emotional pain I've felt for years due to being a socially anxious, insecure, childlike shut-in.

This single meet enriched me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Thank you and everyone involved for giving me the happiest, most exciting, most magical and most important day of my entire life. I will never forget this day. And I will be attending again in June for another awesome experience. This one literally changed my life. The next will be even better.