So I haven't made a journal in over two months now, and for anyone wondering why it's because I haven't been as active on here as I've wanted to be. Not because I don't like FurAffinity anymore as obviously I'm still putting art and photos on it, but because I've found I much prefer submitting artwork/photos to and keeping people updated on my Twitter account instead (@FaulknerRabbit). FurAffinity is a great website of course, but I haven't developed that much of an attachment to it because I prefer making friends through this fandom and fursuiting with them to art. I'll try to post a journal here every two months though.

The best thing that's happened in the last two months (and I really should have made a journal as soon as this happened) was this - Faulkner now has a maker! The very lovely British fursuit maker Mei Fursuits is making my bun (due to for the end of February 2020) and it's filled me with such steadily increasing excitement as the weeks go by. It's a shame that I didn't get a slot with either Blue Fox Fursuits or Made By Mercury, both of whom are far more popular makers with very popular styles, but Mei Fursuits is a strong and recognisable maker too and her skills have got better and better over time from what I've seen. Thus, by the time she reaches Faulkner's slot her skills be even better than that! Her style matches the excellent badge that Violet Omega made for me, which is very handy, and the recent artwork I made of Faulkner is drawn with eyes similar to her style as well. Once I've finally received and worn Faulkner, I will be indescribably ecstatic. Just thinking about it makes me nervous, knowing that one day he's going be brought to life.

Meets are also going very well, too. Wearing my fursuit Victory is lots of fun, and I especially thank Kayobe from Neon Paw Creations for both expanding the interior of and repairing him (his strap broke as the head was too small at first, but she did a near-perfect job at making him more comfortable to wear). I really loved the Summer Party and the meet on the 10th of August (I'll upload some photos soon) and through those two meets I've continued to craft Victory's sweet and silly personality. The idea is that he's rarely victorious, despite his name, and yet continues to try. I wouldn't say he's stupid, just a bit of an unlucky and naive oddball. But most importantly, I've now formed a connection with this premade; he is mine and no one else's, almost like a pet, and I now love him dearly despite not being the one who originally designed him (thanks to Anoverratedartist on DeviantArt for that).

And as for art, it's also going well! I've found that drawing regularly really helps me want to do it more, and while that might sound obvious, I honestly didn't really believe that practicing so much would help me in the long run, because in the past I've failed miserably. I'd just always assumed that you'd need to be naturally talented to become a great artist, but I've found that talent is born from simply trying different art styles until you land upon one that you feel comfortable developing. Now, drawing art is something I feel I need to do; it's part of my weekly to-do list. Even though I wouldn't consider myself that talented right now, I'm much enjoying what I'm doing, developing my chosen style and figuring out what works best for me. I'm very proud in particular of my most recent OC, Illumitomb. I was actually surprised by how well that one turned out, as I was planning on scrapping it at first, but I just kept drawing and adding to it until I was satisfied. And I was very, very satisfied in the end.

So everything seems to be going very well for me, and I'm honestly extremely grateful for how much this fandom has changed my life so far and filled it with so much magic, so many memories and such joyous fun. However, things aren't perfect. As much as I wish this wasn't true, I am still suffering from on-and-off issues with self-criticism and comparing myself to other furs, especially much younger ones. I know that it's very wrong to do this, as I should be focusing only on myself but at times I just cannot help it. The furry community is overflowing with such astonishing, vastly varied and limitless artistic talent that I highly doubt I'll ever be able to match and when I see a lot of it, I tend to put way too much pressure on myself. The best solution to tackling this problem is to make myself a part of that talent instead of viewing my contributions to the fandom as being not good enough to arbitrarily qualify. Even though it often feels like one, this fandom is a family, not an eternal art competition or popularity contest. I'm also comparing my fursuit to others on some days, which of course is a very silly thing to do as no two fursuits are the same and one should learn to love their own suit (which I do!), not wish you had everyone else's. Don't worry, I will get over this stuff. It's very normal from what I've read, especially when you're new to the fandom (I've been a part of it for less than a year) and feel like you need to "catch up" with everyone else.

And lastly, I've been hiding a fun little secret that only few of my furry friends know about, but the majority of LondonFurs won't find out about it until just before Halloween!