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✧I have to explain...
6 years ago
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[life stuff, explanation thing]
If you've interacted with me in the past week or so, I'm sorry. I haven't been myself. I've been shaken up, on the verge of tears, scared, and worried, all while hiding it and trying to be a good friend to the people I care about. This made me mess up a lot on social stuff this week and for all that I hope you guys can forgive me. This is why.
Recently, I made one of the dumbest decisions of my life. I let my abuser back in.
She contacted me over facebook promising she'd changed, saying she wanted us to be friends, and promising all kinds of gifts and happy times.. and like an idiot I agreed to let her visit me.
She promised we wouldn't talk about the past, she promised she wouldn't bring up the memories of all the horrible things she put me through, she promised she wouldn't destroy the little sense of safety I'd built from moving so far away from her. But of course she lied.
The moment she landed I knew I'd made a mistake. And during the week she was here she brought up my trauma constantly and without a hint of feeling, tried to manipulate me into believing me and Arnie's (my fiance) relationship was all fake, tried to re-start the cycle of abuse she put me through as a child, threatened me multiple times, made me flinch just to laugh at me for still being scared of her, played her little mind games constantly, tried to gaslight me and Arnie about my past, poisoned Arnie's food (which I believe, was meant for me), and more.
Thanks to a few amazing friends, I was able to get away from her the last two days of her stay. I don't know what I would've done without you guys <3
I've now blocked her and don't plan on making any further contact. But the damage is done and she's set back a lot of the progress I've made with my mental health. So I have to ask you all to please please be patient with me for a little while. I'll bounce back soon but until then I might be a little off or act a little weird or even a little rude at times. I don't mean to, it's just hard for me to process all this and be normal at the same time.
Thank you all for your understanding and patience. I hope I can be back to making you all smile again really soon <3 <3 <3
I might be a tad slow to contact at the moment, but you are free to send super long rants my way if need be. Take as much time as you need. Are you and your Arnie both okay?
Thanky <3 yee we are both better now
I took advice from people over the years, telling me to forgive people when I wanted to move on. Then I end up being around them more and the same situations occur. Maybe it works for them but there's some people out there you wanna get away from.
If you need time to deal with stuff, that's fine. You've never bothered me, even when you talk about stuff it's your journals to make and the option of anyone to read them. Do what you gotta do, your actual friends would understand what's going on anyways.