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It's like I'm giving up.
6 years ago
It's such a stupid shit. My depressive episode is back. I feel very bad, time and again think about how to kill myself. June 3rd was my birthday only three people congratulated me. All my friends and family have forgotten about me.
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I study psychology. April and May I fully devoted my studies and exams, it means a lot for me. Now I am free to draw, and i want to draw, but all I think about is universal pain and a black hole in my heart. I hate it, i hate myself for it, i understand that this isn't right.
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Today I poured water on my laptop. For the fourth time in two years. My husband is not here to help with this, I disassemble collected and dried the laptop by myself. Some buttons now isn't work. This is very inconvenient, I type from the on-screen keyboard, lol.
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And yes, my husband left for Canada two months ago. It is 8 thousand kilometers away from me. I hope we'll meet again.
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I study psychology. April and May I fully devoted my studies and exams, it means a lot for me. Now I am free to draw, and i want to draw, but all I think about is universal pain and a black hole in my heart. I hate it, i hate myself for it, i understand that this isn't right.
---
Today I poured water on my laptop. For the fourth time in two years. My husband is not here to help with this, I disassemble collected and dried the laptop by myself. Some buttons now isn't work. This is very inconvenient, I type from the on-screen keyboard, lol.
---
And yes, my husband left for Canada two months ago. It is 8 thousand kilometers away from me. I hope we'll meet again.
Don't ever give up. Suicide doesn't solve anything. I had to stop my mother from potentially overdosing herself to death during a depressive episode. It took a while, but now she's better than she has been her entire life. In fact, she's gone back to school to study psychology herself.
I hope you find the motivation to draw again and this next year treats you (and your husband) better than the last.
I'm glad your mother is allright, depression is a big problem.
Trying to draw every day, but can't do anything normal. Feel shame for this.