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Godzilla: King of Monsters Review (SPOILERS)
6 years ago
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Okay good. They made an American Godzilla movie that actually has Godzilla in it.
“Oh. So you think it’s a great film?”
I DID NOT SAY THAT.
RATING: 4/10
So yeah, recently saw the new Godzilla movie. Also, just for fuck’s sake and because I really don’t care?
SPOILERS.
All right, so this movie has humans in it. They do a bunch of shit no one cares about. Lots of them die. Godzilla roars and blows his atomic breath. Then he kills the bad guy and wins.
…Do I need to say more? Do I really need to elaborate?
Look, I set my expectations very low for this film. I heard many negative things about it. I saw the Rotten Tomatoes score. I saw some reviews online. I heard it “failed” at the box office. I just wanted to see an entertaining monster film. That’s it. That’s all I wanted to see.
AND OHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GGAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWDDDD!!!
This is one of the best bad movies I’ve seen in theaters in the past decade!
Can we talk about King Ghidorah? We’re gonna talk about King Ghidorah.
So King Ghidorah is this three-headed alien monstrous dragon thing that Godzilla and Mothra both gotta fight. And that thing is terrifying, man! He does some disturbing-ass things in this movie that I picked up on before the exposition ruined it for me. He has lightning breath for fuck’s sake. Lightning breath. The guy teamed up with Rodan (I will get to that motherfucker in a minute) and then he woke up all the other kaiju around the world (I will get to that later) so he could use ‘em all to destroy the world. This is one of those antagonists that shows he is clearly sentient and knows what he’s doing; he’s not just some wild animal, and I feel like that makes him much more menacing. Also he’s adorable. King Ghidorah’s three heads constantly bicker with one another. There’s a part where the heads are fighting over eating some human remains and the middle head bites the left head on its horns. I thought that was cute.
Rodan is this big-ass pterosaur and giant eagle hybrid thing and he is just all shades of awesome. Guy’s always covered in smoke or fire or magma or what have you. He can destroy a whole city just by flapping his big-ass wings and causing sonic booms or some shit—I dunno. He eats a pilot after he ejects from his plane, which was nice. I just adore the way this guy was designed and his overall entrance in the movie—watching him destroy and entire small city just by flying over it, along with several bombers, was damn fun.
Mothra was cool. I thought Mothra was gonna be a joke monster or a dumb monster. Because we all know moths aren’t intimidating. Yeah, no, Mothra is a bad bitch. She’s got all them legs (stingers?) and shit that are basically giant knives, which she uses to cut up monsters and impale them through their bodies. I thought she was gonna get her ass kicked early on during the final fight, but no. She subdued Rodan by herself and helped nurse Godzilla back to health by sacrificing herself. She definitely has the least amount of screentime, but she left her mark in the movie. Shame though. Would be interesting if she showed up in a sequel to team up with Godzilla again.
Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddddd there’s Godzilla himself. …Being bluntly honest, he was the least interesting of the four. Yeah, he’s got that iconic roar and that atomic breath and he’s a badass motherfucker. But we know he’s not gonna die. We know he’s gonna win. We know he’s gonna triumph in the end. Which he does. The other three kaiju in this movie looked, fought, and behaved in ways that seemed much cooler and more unique compared to Godzilla. Not that I hate Godzilla. But eh…the other three kaiju just interested me so much more. King Ghidorah especially.
Godzilla is a thicc boi. He’s got that goin’ for him. Goddamn is that a thicc reptile. With that big ol’ booty and them big ol’ thighs. …King Ghidorah was kinda thick too actually. I mean he’s mostly skinny, but damn is there “more” of him from the waist down. And they even teased that King Ghidorah and Rodan might’ve ended up fucking each other. Which I would’ve been fine watching. I would’ve been okay with that.
“You’ve gone through this entire review without mentioning the human characters. You do realize this, right?”
Yeah.
That’s the problem.
Do you see why I gave this movie a 4/10 now? :/
I don’t care about anything that wasn’t kaiju related. In other words, 60% of the film. It was either bland, stupid, or infuriating. Sally Hawkins is in this movie and she did a decent job. Then she just gets flattened by a chunk of ice and everyone forgets she existed! Ken Watanabe’s character was one of the few developed ones, and he ends up sacrificing himself to save Godzilla. And I didn’t feel anything. At all. Vera Farminga played a stupid dumb bitch who ended up freeing King Ghidorah from hibernation in the first place.
“Humanity is gonna become extinct, so let’s free over a dozen giant monsters around the world to try and save the world, even though said monsters might end up driving humanity to extinction!”
Good job, you stupid bitch! Good job with that fucking plan of yours! I’m so glad she died in the end. I don’t even give a shit that she redeemed herself. This dumbass inadvertently started all this shit to begin with!
Charles Dance is in the movie. Because he’s British. And cliché movies need an evil brit in them, so they threw him in there. I actually kinda liked him as the villain, but he didn’t do much after his explosive entrance.
There’s a generic white male protagonist who knows how to do everything. I don’t care.
Millie Bobby Brown’s character was arguably the only major human character I gave a fuck about. Because she was the most believable and she was the most charismatic and she was the smartest. And she called out her mom on all the dumb shit she did and actually contributed to stopping all the carnage going on around the world, despite knowing a bunch of monsters would probably kill her.
There’s other characters. I don’t care. They’re not interesting. Or memorable. Or noteworthy. Or good. Which is a shame, because this movie has a lot of recognizable actors and actresses in it—all of whom I like! They got O’Shea Jackson Jr. in this movie for crying out loud! And he’s just Generic Black Military Guy!
Do I need to say more about the humans? Do you even care? Because I sure as hell don’t.
So would I recommend this movie?
…Yes?
Okay, I’ll put it like this: you need to be like me. You need to set your expectations very low. You need to have the ability to shut off your brain. And you need to be patient before you get to the goody monster fights. If you can do those three things? Sure. Absolutely. Go see this movie. It’s load of fun.
IT’S NOT GOOD THOUGH.
I need to stress that. This is a fun movie, not a good movie. It’s a very fun, very bad blockbuster. And goddamn it, I wanna see it again. I wanna see it a third time!
“How can you enjoy this movie, yet give the first one a 7/10?”
Y’know, looking back at it, that movie deserves a 5/10. It’s okay. It’s fine. But it’s nothing remarkable. I wanted Godzilla. I didn’t get him until the very end—and by that point, I was fucking sick and tired of waiting. So when the huge monster brawl happened, I did not care. They fucked up big time offing Bryan Cranston at the beginning of the second act, considering he was the only human protagonist I actually liked. I keep telling myself I’m gonna rewatch it.
But I never do.
Because I don’t want to. That movie is just boring.
This movie is bad, but it’s fun, so I don’t care. I honestly would rather see this movie again than see the original. Or better yet, hey. I’d rather pop in Pacific Rim. Yeah, that movie’s cliché, but it’s loads upon loads of fun, and they actually bothered to develop the human protagonists properly. They didn’t just rush through their storylines and expect the audience to care. Hence why that movie is vastly better than this one.
The MonsterVerse needs to figure out how to write better human protagonists. Seriously. Pacific Rim did it with ease. Also, kill a child. Onscreen. You keep putting children in life threatening situations and you never kill them. Stop that. Stop doing that!
STOP PUTTING CHILDREN IN PERILOUS SITUATIONS THAT WOULD NORMALLY KILL CHILDREN! FUCK!
Also. Just one time. Just one time.
…Just one time.
Once.
I would like to see Godzilla, or one of the kaiju in general, take a big ol’ dump on the ground. In full view. Or pass gas. That works too.
That is all I ask. Goddamn you. >:(
“Oh. So you think it’s a great film?”
I DID NOT SAY THAT.
RATING: 4/10
So yeah, recently saw the new Godzilla movie. Also, just for fuck’s sake and because I really don’t care?
SPOILERS.
All right, so this movie has humans in it. They do a bunch of shit no one cares about. Lots of them die. Godzilla roars and blows his atomic breath. Then he kills the bad guy and wins.
…Do I need to say more? Do I really need to elaborate?
Look, I set my expectations very low for this film. I heard many negative things about it. I saw the Rotten Tomatoes score. I saw some reviews online. I heard it “failed” at the box office. I just wanted to see an entertaining monster film. That’s it. That’s all I wanted to see.
AND OHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GGAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWDDDD!!!
This is one of the best bad movies I’ve seen in theaters in the past decade!
Can we talk about King Ghidorah? We’re gonna talk about King Ghidorah.
So King Ghidorah is this three-headed alien monstrous dragon thing that Godzilla and Mothra both gotta fight. And that thing is terrifying, man! He does some disturbing-ass things in this movie that I picked up on before the exposition ruined it for me. He has lightning breath for fuck’s sake. Lightning breath. The guy teamed up with Rodan (I will get to that motherfucker in a minute) and then he woke up all the other kaiju around the world (I will get to that later) so he could use ‘em all to destroy the world. This is one of those antagonists that shows he is clearly sentient and knows what he’s doing; he’s not just some wild animal, and I feel like that makes him much more menacing. Also he’s adorable. King Ghidorah’s three heads constantly bicker with one another. There’s a part where the heads are fighting over eating some human remains and the middle head bites the left head on its horns. I thought that was cute.
Rodan is this big-ass pterosaur and giant eagle hybrid thing and he is just all shades of awesome. Guy’s always covered in smoke or fire or magma or what have you. He can destroy a whole city just by flapping his big-ass wings and causing sonic booms or some shit—I dunno. He eats a pilot after he ejects from his plane, which was nice. I just adore the way this guy was designed and his overall entrance in the movie—watching him destroy and entire small city just by flying over it, along with several bombers, was damn fun.
Mothra was cool. I thought Mothra was gonna be a joke monster or a dumb monster. Because we all know moths aren’t intimidating. Yeah, no, Mothra is a bad bitch. She’s got all them legs (stingers?) and shit that are basically giant knives, which she uses to cut up monsters and impale them through their bodies. I thought she was gonna get her ass kicked early on during the final fight, but no. She subdued Rodan by herself and helped nurse Godzilla back to health by sacrificing herself. She definitely has the least amount of screentime, but she left her mark in the movie. Shame though. Would be interesting if she showed up in a sequel to team up with Godzilla again.
Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddddd there’s Godzilla himself. …Being bluntly honest, he was the least interesting of the four. Yeah, he’s got that iconic roar and that atomic breath and he’s a badass motherfucker. But we know he’s not gonna die. We know he’s gonna win. We know he’s gonna triumph in the end. Which he does. The other three kaiju in this movie looked, fought, and behaved in ways that seemed much cooler and more unique compared to Godzilla. Not that I hate Godzilla. But eh…the other three kaiju just interested me so much more. King Ghidorah especially.
Godzilla is a thicc boi. He’s got that goin’ for him. Goddamn is that a thicc reptile. With that big ol’ booty and them big ol’ thighs. …King Ghidorah was kinda thick too actually. I mean he’s mostly skinny, but damn is there “more” of him from the waist down. And they even teased that King Ghidorah and Rodan might’ve ended up fucking each other. Which I would’ve been fine watching. I would’ve been okay with that.
“You’ve gone through this entire review without mentioning the human characters. You do realize this, right?”
Yeah.
That’s the problem.
Do you see why I gave this movie a 4/10 now? :/
I don’t care about anything that wasn’t kaiju related. In other words, 60% of the film. It was either bland, stupid, or infuriating. Sally Hawkins is in this movie and she did a decent job. Then she just gets flattened by a chunk of ice and everyone forgets she existed! Ken Watanabe’s character was one of the few developed ones, and he ends up sacrificing himself to save Godzilla. And I didn’t feel anything. At all. Vera Farminga played a stupid dumb bitch who ended up freeing King Ghidorah from hibernation in the first place.
“Humanity is gonna become extinct, so let’s free over a dozen giant monsters around the world to try and save the world, even though said monsters might end up driving humanity to extinction!”
Good job, you stupid bitch! Good job with that fucking plan of yours! I’m so glad she died in the end. I don’t even give a shit that she redeemed herself. This dumbass inadvertently started all this shit to begin with!
Charles Dance is in the movie. Because he’s British. And cliché movies need an evil brit in them, so they threw him in there. I actually kinda liked him as the villain, but he didn’t do much after his explosive entrance.
There’s a generic white male protagonist who knows how to do everything. I don’t care.
Millie Bobby Brown’s character was arguably the only major human character I gave a fuck about. Because she was the most believable and she was the most charismatic and she was the smartest. And she called out her mom on all the dumb shit she did and actually contributed to stopping all the carnage going on around the world, despite knowing a bunch of monsters would probably kill her.
There’s other characters. I don’t care. They’re not interesting. Or memorable. Or noteworthy. Or good. Which is a shame, because this movie has a lot of recognizable actors and actresses in it—all of whom I like! They got O’Shea Jackson Jr. in this movie for crying out loud! And he’s just Generic Black Military Guy!
Do I need to say more about the humans? Do you even care? Because I sure as hell don’t.
So would I recommend this movie?
…Yes?
Okay, I’ll put it like this: you need to be like me. You need to set your expectations very low. You need to have the ability to shut off your brain. And you need to be patient before you get to the goody monster fights. If you can do those three things? Sure. Absolutely. Go see this movie. It’s load of fun.
IT’S NOT GOOD THOUGH.
I need to stress that. This is a fun movie, not a good movie. It’s a very fun, very bad blockbuster. And goddamn it, I wanna see it again. I wanna see it a third time!
“How can you enjoy this movie, yet give the first one a 7/10?”
Y’know, looking back at it, that movie deserves a 5/10. It’s okay. It’s fine. But it’s nothing remarkable. I wanted Godzilla. I didn’t get him until the very end—and by that point, I was fucking sick and tired of waiting. So when the huge monster brawl happened, I did not care. They fucked up big time offing Bryan Cranston at the beginning of the second act, considering he was the only human protagonist I actually liked. I keep telling myself I’m gonna rewatch it.
But I never do.
Because I don’t want to. That movie is just boring.
This movie is bad, but it’s fun, so I don’t care. I honestly would rather see this movie again than see the original. Or better yet, hey. I’d rather pop in Pacific Rim. Yeah, that movie’s cliché, but it’s loads upon loads of fun, and they actually bothered to develop the human protagonists properly. They didn’t just rush through their storylines and expect the audience to care. Hence why that movie is vastly better than this one.
The MonsterVerse needs to figure out how to write better human protagonists. Seriously. Pacific Rim did it with ease. Also, kill a child. Onscreen. You keep putting children in life threatening situations and you never kill them. Stop that. Stop doing that!
STOP PUTTING CHILDREN IN PERILOUS SITUATIONS THAT WOULD NORMALLY KILL CHILDREN! FUCK!
Also. Just one time. Just one time.
…Just one time.
Once.
I would like to see Godzilla, or one of the kaiju in general, take a big ol’ dump on the ground. In full view. Or pass gas. That works too.
That is all I ask. Goddamn you. >:(
I pretty much agree with everything you said, but after seeing it a second time, I put my rating as 6/10 and better than Godzilla 2014.
The first time seeing the movie (which I saw in IMax and really makes the kaiju look awesome), there were a lot of little things I found annoying, especially with the human characters; but on a second viewing their actions weren't as annoying or distracting.
While not fleshed out to the point of caring about them, they do at least follow a cohesive path of actions, with most of them being more interesting than Ford Brody from the 2014 movie.
I think part of the problem they have with this monsterverse is that since they only have the rights up through Godzilla vs. Kong right now, they have no plans to have specific characters to continue from one movie to the next and are instead focused on the entire Monarch organization and their role in all of this, rather than individuals. So, they don't have anyone that's really worth fleshing out, even if that doesn't mean they shouldn't.
Having said that, it is a Godzilla movie, and throughout Godzilla's 65-year history, the human characters have always been secondary. Although this is an Americanized version, it still pays homage to what a Godzilla movie is all about; and that's never the humans.
My biggest complaint with the movie is that although there was a lot of on-screen time for the monsters, they really need to show them more when it's not night time or raining. I know the storms were to portray the power King Ghidorah has over the Earth's weather, but it was simply tiresome with the fights always being in the dark and the rain. Though they did do a great job at showing the monsters, even under those conditions.
This is probably why Rodan's emergence was so totally awesome (besides the fact that he's always been one of my favorite kaiju). You really got to see him in all his glory, unhindered by constant rain. And it was so cool to see that rolling process to wipe out the jets. <3
As for Mothra, one of the 'news clips' during the end credits was that scientists found a giant egg, which the director admitted in a tweet was laid by Mothra after she vanished for a while when the sub went down to find Godzilla. Throughout the Godzilla franchise, there is always another Mothra hatching after the previous one perishes. So, Mothra will be back, should this monsterverse continue.
See, the first movie had less human characters, but at least Bryan Cranston had a somewhat compelling arc, and goddamn did he steal every scene he was in. That's why I was so frustrated when they killed him off at the start of the second act. This movie has more human characters, but they're all either flat or one note. "Here's the scientist. Here's the British villain. Here's the military commander. Here's the snarky smart guy. Here's generic protagonist who can do everything." That was it. Millie Bobby Brown and Vera Farminga's characters had arcs, but I hated Vera's character. So that literally just leaves me with Millie Bobby Brown.
That's what I hate about shared universes outside of MCU. The masterminds behind them never look at the long-term goals, only short-term profits. They clearly have enough source material to fully flesh out this franchise and make it a smash hit for the American audience, but they just said "Well, everyone knows King Kong. Everyone knows Godzilla. Let's just cobble some movies together so we can make 'em fight each other. We don't know what we'll do afterwards." They're not looking at the big picture; they're looking at the small picture. You can clearly tell this movie was rushed; how did we go from knowing there's only three, maybe four Titans, and then suddenly "Oh it's been five years and we've found over a dozen. Off-screen." Like seriously? There's so much stuff you can do with this universe you set up, but it just feels like the creators just said "Eh. We'll just get to King Kong fighting Godzilla and probably stop afterwards." And that's just frustrating, because the best and most unique Titans in this movie were everyone else except Godzilla.
Oh goody. So we both agree that Rodan is the coolest and he had the most epic entrance in this movie. Most of the monsters fighting in storms or in the rain didn't bother me, but I see your point. And Rodan stands out from the other three for a damn good reason.
Oh yeah, I saw that. Eh. Well, considering that this movie "failed" in the box office, I'm not sure we're seeing Mothra again after Godzilla vs. King Kong. I wouldn't be surprised if the sequel "underperforms," and the creators just say "Fuck it; we'll reboot it in another five years." Because that's just what Hollywood does with franchises now, and I'm tired of it.
As cliché and non-memorable as the characters are in King of the Monsters, they did at least have specific rolls to play. They simply did a horrible job at fleshing them out. Millie Bobby Brown was indeed the best part of the human story and she pulled off her roll wonderfully. Just a lot of passion and emotion to every line and expression she delivered.
Unfortunately, Toho Studios only gave the rights to use these specific monsters up through 2020. So, while Legendary wants to create a whole Monsterverse, they are kind of strapped with hoping for the best in being able to continue past 2020. I suspect they used the '17 titans so far besides Godzilla' arc to try to convey a desire to do a lot more with these monsters, and show how wide-spread Monarch is; allowing for them to continue the story anywhere in the world.
They are already in negotiations with Toho to extend the contract and add some more monsters to the allowed roster; confident that Godzilla vs Kong will show more interest. Toho has already said they're happy with the new movie, so it's likely a new deal will be made to continue with the Monsterverse. I know that Legendary has also said they wanted to do some non-Godzilla movies that were based on other Titans. It would be cool to see a Rodan or Mothra movie, though it's hard to imagine them being able to pull off single monster movies, with how readily and easily the Titans seemed to travel around the globe in this last movie.
What worries me about Godzilla vs Kong is they had already wrapped up filming and were set to have a March 2020 release date; but Warner Bros. announced that after the feedback from King of the Monsters, they are delaying the opening. This is most likely to do some reshoots. This can be a good thing if it is to enhance the human storyline, but Warner Bros. has been known to really mess stuff up when doing too much reshooting. And if they're going to be doing new shoots of the monster scenes, that really worries me.
And I hate how that 'critics' are calling the movie a failure, when it's surpassed $300 million world-wide so far. Yes, it's behind where the 2014 movie was at this point, but that's still over $100 million profit so far from the estimated $170 million budget. I'm sure the studios are seeing this as a big win, even if they would have been happier with a lot more profit.
God I would love a Rodan movie. That'd be awesome. I would be okay with that.
That's another thing that bothers me about movie making. Whenever they look at the numbers or they look at the score or reviews they always have to push back what they've already created, just to go back in and redo some shit at the last minute to try and save what they've created. People complained that the original (American) Godzilla didn't have enough monster fights. This movie rectified that between its five year gap. People complained this movie didn't have good human characters. Okay, good, but Godzilla vs. King Kong is already slated to come out soon. Again, situation where the creators are rushing everything because they're on a specific deadline--and stuff of that caliber can ruin your film. There was a three-year gap between Godzilla and Kong: Skull Island. There was a two-year gap between Kong: Skull Island and Godzilla: King of Monsters. Now there's a gap that's less than a year. You can't crank out movies of this scale this fast without running into problems--financial or otherwise.
UGH.
I'm just happy sometimes that I don't invest my writing into a major studio or big-time company. I can write at my own leisure. I have no deadlines. So when someone criticized my stories (which has happened before), I can wait, digest this criticism, reformat what I wanna do with future stories, and then start writing and hope the new content I create is better, instead of just cranking out stuff like a factory, stopping mid-production, and half-assing or addressing the complaints as quickly and sloppily as possible.
Critics call everything a failure if it doesn't make them cry or it isn't Oscar worthy. And studios call everything a failure if it doesn't make over a billion dollars like Jurassic World did. I agree with critics that this movie is bad, but it's not a failure whatsoever. It's exactly what Godzilla fans wanted anyway. And for how shitty this movie was, it got me into the Godzilla universe, while the first movie bored me so much I still haven't rewatched it five years later.
The potential for a successful monsterverse is definitely there, but they need a visionary in charge to make sure the core details are followed, which is what the MCU had gotten right. As for a Rodan movie, I totally agree. I'd be all over that. He's not only an awesome kaiju to begin with, but I love his personality. He's just such a dick, doing whatever he wants and can get away with, often seemingly switching sides just for the fun of it to mess with others. I love that personality about him. ^_^
I just watched an interview with director Mike Dougherty that came out the other day:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGy031eYI78
It certainly doesn't answer all the questions I'd be asking him, but I really have to wonder how much of the 40 minutes of material they cut from the original director's screening cut, would have ended up helping the human story arcs. Probably not a lot, but I will be interested in seeing what they put back in for the Blu-Ray release.
What I find the most interesting about his interview is that they did a number of test-audience screenings. I really wonder what kind of feedback they received, given how poorly the human characters were developed, and if they simply chose to ignore that feedback, or if their original script was that much worse.
I'm also glad that you write at your own pace. I've seen far too many writers around here to try to knock out stories at a rapid pace, and it really shows in the lack of quality. I mean, there are some who don't even use a spell-checker and it just becomes tedious to try to get through their stories. Your writing is much more fun to read because of the time you take to enjoy doing the writing, and it pays off. <3
Personally, I've been a Godzilla fan since the 70's, which is probably why I enjoyed this movie much more than the 2014 one. This one is definitely written for Godzilla fans and not the general critics out there; which is why I don't believe Legendary is caring too much about the critic reviews, since the user reviews are so much higher (currently 84% vs 40% on RottenTomatoes). It's definitely a movie that can create a lot of new, young kaiju fans, if only they ignore the critics and go see the movie. *laughs*
So, at least they're acknowledging that at least some of the titans produce waste. Now, if only we had the visual proof of that. ^_^