Time is both beautiful, and fickle. Time, while it is a guide, it will take take from you things you love the most when you least expect it. People wait for tomorrow to be a better day. People wait for tomorrow for a better time to start something. Don't wait for tomorrow, because tomorrow your friends may be gone. Tomorrow, the ones you love may be gone. Tomorrow, your home may be gone.

Tomorrow, you may be gone.

The biggest thing that has always stopped me from just, -doing- more, is that I never knew if I -should-. "Maybe I should stop here, my hand feels like it hurts." "But you should keep going. Work the muscle a bit more, and then keep going." "But I shouldn't hurt myself just to keep making something"

This is but one example of a -million- fights that goes on in my head. Now apply that to every commission I have. Apply that to every personal idea I have. Apply that to -everything- I've ever wanted to do, and so many of those choices have resulted in , 'just wait. We have time. We may have a better idea here soon.'

I'm tired of waiting for a better tomorrow. I'm tired of waiting for a better time to be ready, or inspired, or be in a mood to do my work. I can no longer afford to wait. I can no longer afford to bide. I can no longer afford to second guess myself.

All of my anxiety, all of my fears, all of ...everything, has pushed me in this direction. TO always wait, to always think if there's another way to do this, or that, or anything. People who know me IRL will always see me pause or lock up when something happens. Blu can attest to this. That's me assessing if I should, or not, with anything.

Nothing wakes you up from your own self delusions of having more time than you think you do, than losing someone you loved enough you'd call them brother.

So I'm done with being on a passive buffer of just 'taking my time.' I'm no longer going to waste my time playing dumb video games for no reason other than to mindlessly grind away at them. I'm not going to start or interact in a conversation and then just completely pause mid-way in that conversation and let it linger aimlessly as my brain screams at me what it should do. I'm no longer going to just, start a project and then stop on it for months on end thinking if I should revise it midway or just start it over from scratch.. I'm committed. I'm all-in. For myself, for everyone I care for, and for him.