sorry ive been sorta abset for a while. im honestly swimming in doctors appointments theses days, and when im not. ive been stuck in bed alot. almost this whole month ive been bed ridden so ive just been getting online via my phone. my lumbar injuries have kinda migrated down into my tailbone making it really hard to even sit in a chair.

im balancing pain management spinal injections, physical therapy, double the psyche therapy now, and lots of miscelanious specialists.

got diagnosed with Polycistic ovarian syndrome. honestly it didnt come as a shock to me.

the last couple months ive had incessant headaches in the back of my head/neck area accompanied with lightheadedness and dizzyness when i stand up. and my legs get weak and wobbly causing me to have to sit on the floor for a minute or sit back down and try again in a minute. its gotten worse and over the weekend i almost blacked out fully and nearly fell to the floor. roomate took me to the ER and they rushed me into a room immediately upon signing in. scanned my brain and ran tests, but everything came back fine. so now ill be going to a neurological specialist to see wtf is going on with my head.



for 2 months i was without pain releif cause there was ongoing technical issues with the large viewing machine they use when they do the spine injection. but 2 days ago they finnaly got a loaner machine so i got my shot. its gonna take some time to get into my system. but im hoping in a few days once its fully kicked in ill get to do some more drawing in.



so. just with how things have been. and all the delays...and all the plans i keep setting for myself. more often than not i dont meet those goals and it makes me feel super shitty...i feel like ive lost all credibility as an artist ive accrued for myself over the years. like i keep lettin yall down. and i know i have legitimat REASONS for it, it still doesnt feel good. art is kinda the one thing i got goin for me and i barely put anything out. i WANT to, but the timefram in which i put commissions out really makes me feel like a failure. nobody has harrassed me about their art..nobody has been mean to me or anything, but just my enormous underproduction makes me feel gross inside like i dont deserve my watchers. i feel like an imposter, walking around wearing the undeserved title of "artist". arts become equal parts my passion and my pain. i want to reclaim it. someday. forgive my rambling, just feeling a lil sorry for myself.