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My heart is so heavy
6 years ago
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Thank you for all the Watches, Favorites, and Comments!
Thank you for all the Watches, Favorites, and Comments!
Dear FA,
I've been away from home more often than not in 2019. My world tipped again and though physically I'm recovering from all the things that have happened to me - I'm struggling now with all that is happening to those around me. Pushing myself to get stronger so that I can take on more responsibilities is daunting. My stepdad has cancer and my mom's left lung is still collapsed. I've been traveling back and forth from my place to theirs to help wherever I can. My doctors are worried that I'm over doing it. It's true and I know that I am over doing it. However, who else would do what I do??????
It's difficult but I'm grateful that both my mom and stepdad know they can rely on me even though I live over 300 miles away. They have other kids that live within blocks of them that do NOTHING. This is what boggles my mind... how can you watch your parents be sick and suffering and do NOTHING??? I don't get it. So here I go again, another 300 mile trip to help where I can. I'm not going to stop but I will promise you my dear friends and internet family that I will do my best to be mindful of my own limitations. It's the best I can promise to you.
The other thing that weighs heavy is I have a friend in transition right now. They are in their mid 20's and the struggle for them is enormous. Not enough support, not enough money, not enough allies. So before I head out of town I'm taking this week to help them get to their doctors appointments and to hold their hand because that's what friends and allies do. They do what they can when they can. Just like right now so many of you reading this have helped ME during all the things in my life.
I'm trying to pay it forward. I'm using LOVE and LOYALTY to push back Hate and Ignorance - I'm one voice but by all the gods I'm going to use it. For no one should ever feel totally alone - It's awful and if I can be of help to any one of you, I'm here. ALWAYS.
I know this post is more ranty than I normally do but I had to get this off my chest before I put my cape back on and attempt to fix my world. Forgive me if I've been neglectful it's not been on purpose I swear it. Everyone here has been nothing but amazing to me and I'd be lost without you. THANK YOU everyone for being a brightness in all the worlds dark you keep guiding me home and keeping me on the right path.
I'll get back to posting soon and as always - Be excellent to each other -
I've been away from home more often than not in 2019. My world tipped again and though physically I'm recovering from all the things that have happened to me - I'm struggling now with all that is happening to those around me. Pushing myself to get stronger so that I can take on more responsibilities is daunting. My stepdad has cancer and my mom's left lung is still collapsed. I've been traveling back and forth from my place to theirs to help wherever I can. My doctors are worried that I'm over doing it. It's true and I know that I am over doing it. However, who else would do what I do??????
It's difficult but I'm grateful that both my mom and stepdad know they can rely on me even though I live over 300 miles away. They have other kids that live within blocks of them that do NOTHING. This is what boggles my mind... how can you watch your parents be sick and suffering and do NOTHING??? I don't get it. So here I go again, another 300 mile trip to help where I can. I'm not going to stop but I will promise you my dear friends and internet family that I will do my best to be mindful of my own limitations. It's the best I can promise to you.
The other thing that weighs heavy is I have a friend in transition right now. They are in their mid 20's and the struggle for them is enormous. Not enough support, not enough money, not enough allies. So before I head out of town I'm taking this week to help them get to their doctors appointments and to hold their hand because that's what friends and allies do. They do what they can when they can. Just like right now so many of you reading this have helped ME during all the things in my life.
I'm trying to pay it forward. I'm using LOVE and LOYALTY to push back Hate and Ignorance - I'm one voice but by all the gods I'm going to use it. For no one should ever feel totally alone - It's awful and if I can be of help to any one of you, I'm here. ALWAYS.
I know this post is more ranty than I normally do but I had to get this off my chest before I put my cape back on and attempt to fix my world. Forgive me if I've been neglectful it's not been on purpose I swear it. Everyone here has been nothing but amazing to me and I'd be lost without you. THANK YOU everyone for being a brightness in all the worlds dark you keep guiding me home and keeping me on the right path.
I'll get back to posting soon and as always - Be excellent to each other -
Back up a sec, let me get this straight. In addition to YOUR battle with cancer, and all the entire bullshittery going on around THAT, leaving you in the state it leaves you in, which would be QUITE enough for any human... you are also consistently traveling 300 miles to take care of both your Stepfather and Mother who are also in medical crisis? AND helping your friend in transition?
I had always suspected you were an angel in human guise before this, now I am certain. I don't know that I would have been able, physically capable, of doing all that. I don't know of anyone off the top of my head who would be able to pull that off. I just... the sheer... you, my dearie, are a living and breathing miracle.
I apologize for the slight disjointedness, I think my brain just broke a little trying to process the enormity of what you are managing. I don't doubt you have extreme difficulties with it, but you ARE managing it. The fact that you CAN... just... wow.
Let your friend in transition know that there is someone else out there who is rooting for them. I may not be in that situation, I'm a heterosexual male, and very confident in that, but I can imagine what it would be like to be born feeling like you should have been the other gender, and I can only imagine the nightmare that your friend has been going through. I suppose the defining term would be 'straight, but not narrow'. So let them know that I hope they have a safe and happy transition into their new life.
And, most importantly, dearie... if there is ANYTHING that I can do, please let me know. I give luffs and support, but seriously... if there is anything I can help you with, do not hesitate to ask. I used to work in the transportation industry, 300 miles is kind of an awkward distance. Generally it's much more expensive to fly than to drive, and short hops don't really save much time what with how much time it takes to go through security and all, and the US doesn't have high speed rail to cover the gap between them (yet). And I suppose you are already familiar with any other transportation options in your area, so I don't know if I could realistically be much help. But if you want to send me a Note, I can see if I can find a way to more economically or efficiently get you there.
And, of course, if there's anything else I can do to offer assistance in any way, please consider me a resource. I worry about you pushing yourself too hard. Your doctors aren't wrong to be worried. If you put too much of a strain on your body, it can impact your treatment. So please, if there is anything more than just good vibes I can help you with, let me know. Take care of yourself, dearie.