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Why do people GHOST online and in the real world more now?
6 years ago
General
This is another "Social media is anti-social" post.
So, why is it people just VANISH these days instead of either "telling someone off" or dropping by to say "hello" now and then? Even if you really don't have much to say other than "hello".
This is called "Ghosting", where you just vanish from someone's life without saying a goodbye or occasional hello.
People are more fickle these days.
Social media has made people actually LESS social as they do more and more interaction "online" and in text than they do in real life.
And when people's communication is just "texting", actual "live" social sessions become awkward because they can't edit what they say in a real world conversation. So while someone may be a "brilliant diva" online, they can often be a stuttering and socially awkward mess in the real world.
Hell just look at the aversion to something as simple as making a phone call. This is an actual phobia that is becoming "freakishly common" with Millennials and beyond where the mere thought of having to talk to another person on the phone causes anxiety issues. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telephone_phobia This is also transferring over to "face to face" conversations as people avoid more and more real world social interaction.
I also notice people are more likely to "Ghost" in the real world because of social media, where if they don't know you in the "real world" they are more likely to get bored and just stop communicating altogether with someone even before meeting in real life... So there is a massive disconnect from realizing people online are still people in the real world, and this often translates to them doing the same things in the real world that they are used to doing online and visa-versa... People you actually know and THOUGHT you were friends with, just up and break off all communication with absolutely no explanation then create their own anxiety of conflict, "good or bad", to the point that they "ignore and block" people that could literally be face to face with them.
Maybe they are cowards?
Maybe they just don't know how to handle things like rejecting and being rejected?
If you don't want to talk to or hang out with someone JUST TELL THEM! It is a whole lot better than stupid excuses or making someone that might actually CARE ABOUT YOU suddenly worry that they fucked something up or that you died or something.
People can't read minds!
On a side note, with today's extremist politics being in nearly everything, it becomes harder and harder for diverse opinions and beliefs to "get along" as people are put into "Echo chambers" online and "self segregate" themselves from other groups to the point that people are less likely to "agree to disagree".
So, in all, it is much easier to "fail" at socializing these days.
People spend so much time putting forth a "persona" in social media online that they fail to BE THEMSELVES in the real world.
As a little side bit of info... Most the people that invented "social media" are not only AGAINST USING IT THEMSELVES, they will also outright tell people NOT to use it when they leave a social media company. https://www.theguardian.com/media/2.....e-social-media
Social media was DESIGNED TO BE FREAKISHLY ADDICTIVE! It was psychologically designed to trigger the same centers of the brain that are triggered by opium/heroin addiction! As well as other addictive and psychologically manipulative things like gambling and the "need" for only positive recognition (thumbs up with NO thumbs down... A like button with NO dislike button... Favoring a black and white, yes or no, or "favorite or nothing ONLY" approach, that makes people inherently more biased and easy to control and keep addicted without having a "middle" area... )... So on and so forth.
We are FUCKED as a society if people would rather just "vanish" than "agree to disagree" or drop in and say "hello" to someone they haven't talked to in a long time.
So, why is it people just VANISH these days instead of either "telling someone off" or dropping by to say "hello" now and then? Even if you really don't have much to say other than "hello".
This is called "Ghosting", where you just vanish from someone's life without saying a goodbye or occasional hello.
People are more fickle these days.
Social media has made people actually LESS social as they do more and more interaction "online" and in text than they do in real life.
And when people's communication is just "texting", actual "live" social sessions become awkward because they can't edit what they say in a real world conversation. So while someone may be a "brilliant diva" online, they can often be a stuttering and socially awkward mess in the real world.
Hell just look at the aversion to something as simple as making a phone call. This is an actual phobia that is becoming "freakishly common" with Millennials and beyond where the mere thought of having to talk to another person on the phone causes anxiety issues. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telephone_phobia This is also transferring over to "face to face" conversations as people avoid more and more real world social interaction.
I also notice people are more likely to "Ghost" in the real world because of social media, where if they don't know you in the "real world" they are more likely to get bored and just stop communicating altogether with someone even before meeting in real life... So there is a massive disconnect from realizing people online are still people in the real world, and this often translates to them doing the same things in the real world that they are used to doing online and visa-versa... People you actually know and THOUGHT you were friends with, just up and break off all communication with absolutely no explanation then create their own anxiety of conflict, "good or bad", to the point that they "ignore and block" people that could literally be face to face with them.
Maybe they are cowards?
Maybe they just don't know how to handle things like rejecting and being rejected?
If you don't want to talk to or hang out with someone JUST TELL THEM! It is a whole lot better than stupid excuses or making someone that might actually CARE ABOUT YOU suddenly worry that they fucked something up or that you died or something.
People can't read minds!
On a side note, with today's extremist politics being in nearly everything, it becomes harder and harder for diverse opinions and beliefs to "get along" as people are put into "Echo chambers" online and "self segregate" themselves from other groups to the point that people are less likely to "agree to disagree".
So, in all, it is much easier to "fail" at socializing these days.
People spend so much time putting forth a "persona" in social media online that they fail to BE THEMSELVES in the real world.
As a little side bit of info... Most the people that invented "social media" are not only AGAINST USING IT THEMSELVES, they will also outright tell people NOT to use it when they leave a social media company. https://www.theguardian.com/media/2.....e-social-media
Social media was DESIGNED TO BE FREAKISHLY ADDICTIVE! It was psychologically designed to trigger the same centers of the brain that are triggered by opium/heroin addiction! As well as other addictive and psychologically manipulative things like gambling and the "need" for only positive recognition (thumbs up with NO thumbs down... A like button with NO dislike button... Favoring a black and white, yes or no, or "favorite or nothing ONLY" approach, that makes people inherently more biased and easy to control and keep addicted without having a "middle" area... )... So on and so forth.
We are FUCKED as a society if people would rather just "vanish" than "agree to disagree" or drop in and say "hello" to someone they haven't talked to in a long time.
In my opinion the way these 'social' medias have taken was waaaaaay to fast, giving people no way at all to develop a sense how to deal with them, no way for society to establish social norms how to deal with them or teach children how to use them properly. It is pretty much social online anarchy.
When social media got big around 2005 or so, within 5-10 years, shit is where it is now.
People are becoming so closed off from real world interactions, that a lot of people want everything to be replaced by robots and home delivery, not for convenience, but because they don't want to interact with anyone... Then you see these same people complaining online about how they are "depressed" and have "no one" and "no real world friends".
But yeah, you make a great point about how quickly this all came on, and so many people jumped into it, and are now addicted to it, that they have the same reactions a drug addict does, from pointlessly defending it, putting up shallow excuses for using it, saying they are NOT a junkie even if they are glued to their computers and cellphones, the "I need it for contacting family" excuse, even a few admitting it is "bad" while continuing to use it all the time...
And my favorite, the people that say "I can quit anytime I want!" And when you ask them to prove it, they freak out, or say it isn't opportune to do that "now"... And if they do quit it, after a few days to weeks, start going though withdrawal symptoms, just like a drug addict.
I believe at some point in the near future, or one generation away, social media addiction will be the new "mental health problem"... That is, if these companies don't end up making humanity into some fucked up dystopia.
Also, the addictive qualities of which you speak are only too real. Sometimes my contrary nature is a real blessing: I wasn't even interested in social media as a kid/teen, and to this day I don't own a mobile phone. Does it separate me from my peers? Definitely. But when I look around a room and see 2/3 or more of people--sometimes whole family units--looking down at some tiny screen instead of socializing with each other, I can't help but feel that separation is for the better. Even if it means I'll probably be single all my life. X3
So, while social media does have its uses, it also has its drawbacks. Which is true of any new tool or weapon, I suppose. The difference being, tools and weapons generally come with instructions or training for the user: this new-fangled entity that is the "information superhighway" does not.
It's still nice to drop someone a "Hey! How you doing man? Haven't heard from you in a while... Hope everything is okay."
I'm one of those people where someone I haven't talked to in a year or more could drop me a line and I'd be fine with that... And if I know them in the real world, it usually leads to getting some food and hanging out at some point.
Just because I haven't talked with someone in a while, doesn't mean I hate them.
And I tell people this!
Because it is a decent thing to do, even when you are telling someone you don't want to talk to them any more, it is at least courteous... Because there is always the chance for one or both parties to get mixed signals or make assumptions, and kill off a friendship that otherwise never had any problems.
Like I had my best friend stop talking to me for a year, over some crass joke made about something unrelated to them... I would still occasionally send her a text or email asking if she was okay... Never got a response... Eventually she writes back nearly a year later to a text I had sent her saying happy birthday and she says "Hey dude... I've been thinking... I was mad at you for something, but I cannot remember what the hell it was... Uh... Want to hang out, I'll buy you a burger." And I say "Hell yeah!" We have been hanging out since the end of high school.
But what I hate is when people just up and "un-person" you instead of telling you WHY they don't want to talk any more... Especially when you try to contact them though other means just to be ignored... It's a pretty big drama queen asshole move to pull on someone that may have actually cared or worried about that person when they disappeared.
Basically,"Hey, let me know what I did wrong so I don't do it again please? I'm not a freaking mind reader."
It is one of the reasons I can't stand many women or stereotypical gays (and most social media addicts) because they love to play the "Well you should know what you did wrong." mind game.
How are we as people, or a society in general, going to ever get better if there is such a massive failure in communication?
Hell... It felt better in the 1990s when people would outright say "Dude? Fuck off! I don't want to talk to you."
How sad is that, when the person saying "FUCK OFF!" is MORE COURTEOUS and LESS of an asshole than the person that ghosts?
Hell, most the furry, anime, and gamer fandoms are all built on personas and aliases.
Though I am mostly talking about how people do it in the real world BECAUSE of doing it online.
And even in just an online relationship/acquaintanceship, it would still be more civil to tell someone off than to just vanish.