I don't know what to really say other than 'my dad died this morning'. I can't help but think i've fucked up even though i've been told i haven't. and truthfully, i know i've done everything i could have. doesn't stop me from thinking that i should have done something different. that i messed up and that this is on me.

we had gotten sick after going to church and he and i came down with pneumonia, though his just got steadily worse. i brought him to the hospital thrusday where they said that it wasn't that bad. it was, and this morning, half an hour after he got to see my sisters, he passed. doctor said that he just...let go.

i have no idea what i'm going to do now, planning for the funeral aside. for the last 4+ years i've dedicated my life to doing everything i could for him...to no longer have him, to no longer feed, clean, watch, talk to, etc...i don't know what i am going to do.

i can't write any more. i'm sorry. i have to go and just do something. anything. thanks for reading.

rother