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[HUMOR] A quick, easy crash course on political ideologies!
6 years ago
I don't post politics 99% of the time, unless I really feel like blowing off steam about them. This journal is meant to be humorous.
Since this whole shebang about political ideologies is a mess, here's a series of practical examples meant to illustrate how seven of the most well-known work. Each example proceeds from a common assumption; that you own two cows.
COMMUNISM: You own two cows, which are also owned by your family, your neighbors, your friends, and everyone else, as are also the cows of your family, your neighbors, your friends, and everyone else. Until one person borrows all the cows at the same time, becomes de facto Supreme Cow Hoarder, exerts unfair authority over everyone else, and nobody sees their cows ever again.
SOCIALISM: You own two cows. The State takes both away from you to nationalize them, does absolutely nothing else with them, and lays the blame on you. If you're lucky, they'll compensate by paying you for the first calf born (at official prices, mind you) or selling you some of the milk (as long as you stand in line).
DEMOCRACY: You own two cows. The State lets you keep both, but it's up to you to get your stuff together and work your butt off to take proper care of them, in order to produce high quantities of milk and sell it overseas so that the country's banks and businessmen may become rich and prosperous; a certain percentage of the profits, just barely enough to keep the operation going, is for you. Sooner or later, the bubble bursts and you're forced to sell what's left of the milk and/or both cows, and the money goes to the State.
CAPITALISM: You own two cows. Without the State or any other of those filthy, goddamned parasites of society interfering with the individual freedoms given to you by the Constitution and the Founding Fathers in person, you sell one of the cows to buy a bull. They mate, reproduce, and have many more cows and bulls; these also reproduce, and soon enough you're the head of an international, multi-billion dollar milking corporation. Then, from here, there are two possibilities: either you run low on hay, or you have an excess of milk. If you run low on hay, all the animals die and you go bankrupt; if you have an excess milk, its value in the international free market goes down and you also go bankrupt.
FASCISM: You own two cows. You're free to do whatever you want with them, really, no problem. Just as long as your profits aren't destined to the poor, nor to any country or general global region other than your own. If this happens, you're declared a "blood traitor" and/or a "degenerate", the State takes both cows away, sells some of the milk to the rest of the people, and has you executed by a firing squad to keep you from protesting.
NAZISM: Same as above, but in addition to the poor and the foreign, your profits must also never go to the non-whites.
NATIONALISM: Same as any of the above cases, but the cows are painted with the country's national colors beforehand "in defense of our sovereign homeland".
Conclusion: In the upcoming elections, let's all vote for the IPP (Independent Pansexual Party); since, no matter who wins, we're gonna get screwed, at least let the pros do it!
Since this whole shebang about political ideologies is a mess, here's a series of practical examples meant to illustrate how seven of the most well-known work. Each example proceeds from a common assumption; that you own two cows.
COMMUNISM: You own two cows, which are also owned by your family, your neighbors, your friends, and everyone else, as are also the cows of your family, your neighbors, your friends, and everyone else. Until one person borrows all the cows at the same time, becomes de facto Supreme Cow Hoarder, exerts unfair authority over everyone else, and nobody sees their cows ever again.
SOCIALISM: You own two cows. The State takes both away from you to nationalize them, does absolutely nothing else with them, and lays the blame on you. If you're lucky, they'll compensate by paying you for the first calf born (at official prices, mind you) or selling you some of the milk (as long as you stand in line).
DEMOCRACY: You own two cows. The State lets you keep both, but it's up to you to get your stuff together and work your butt off to take proper care of them, in order to produce high quantities of milk and sell it overseas so that the country's banks and businessmen may become rich and prosperous; a certain percentage of the profits, just barely enough to keep the operation going, is for you. Sooner or later, the bubble bursts and you're forced to sell what's left of the milk and/or both cows, and the money goes to the State.
CAPITALISM: You own two cows. Without the State or any other of those filthy, goddamned parasites of society interfering with the individual freedoms given to you by the Constitution and the Founding Fathers in person, you sell one of the cows to buy a bull. They mate, reproduce, and have many more cows and bulls; these also reproduce, and soon enough you're the head of an international, multi-billion dollar milking corporation. Then, from here, there are two possibilities: either you run low on hay, or you have an excess of milk. If you run low on hay, all the animals die and you go bankrupt; if you have an excess milk, its value in the international free market goes down and you also go bankrupt.
FASCISM: You own two cows. You're free to do whatever you want with them, really, no problem. Just as long as your profits aren't destined to the poor, nor to any country or general global region other than your own. If this happens, you're declared a "blood traitor" and/or a "degenerate", the State takes both cows away, sells some of the milk to the rest of the people, and has you executed by a firing squad to keep you from protesting.
NAZISM: Same as above, but in addition to the poor and the foreign, your profits must also never go to the non-whites.
NATIONALISM: Same as any of the above cases, but the cows are painted with the country's national colors beforehand "in defense of our sovereign homeland".
Conclusion: In the upcoming elections, let's all vote for the IPP (Independent Pansexual Party); since, no matter who wins, we're gonna get screwed, at least let the pros do it!
Major Matt Mason
~marmelmm
